Nothing Is Ever Simple
by avery-h
Summary: ALL HUMAN. Bella finds out she is pregnant the day before graduation. Instead of telling Edward she decides to leave Forks and raise the baby by herself. But Bella soon finds out that nothing in life is ever simple as her past starts to catch up with her.
1. Pregnant

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DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, no matter how hard I wish - Stephanie Meyer still owns Twilight - not me.

_**A/N: Just a little background info on where I have all the characters situated in their lives at the moment. It will all be explained in time, but just for now:**_

_**Everyone is human. Bella is living with Charlie in Forks, Renee and Phil are married. Alice, Edward and Emmett Cullen are siblings, Carlisle and Esme are their parents. Jasper Whitlock and Rosalie Hale are not related. **_

_**Pairings same as book: E x B; Em x R; A x J**_

_**I know this storyline may seem slightly overdone, but I just couldn't help myself!**_

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I looked at the small plastic rectangle in my hands. There was no way this could be happening. I felt all the blood drain from my face as the room started to spin. Shaking my head slightly I staggered toward the toilet in the corner of the bathroom to sit down. Tears formed silent tracks down each side of my face. I was vaguely aware that I was taking very slow, deep breaths.

How could this be happening to me, the day before graduation. There were literally two days left of high school, ever, and then, dammit, I had plans. All of a sudden I felt an immense amount of anger at the awful plastic rectangle in my hands. Closing my eyes, I let out a small, slightly bitter laugh.

"Now I'm getting angry at inanimate objects," I whispered quietly to myself, "great. I'm going absolutely and unequivocally insane."

I stood up, wiping the silent tears from my cheeks. I knew sitting on a toilet crying was going to do me no good at all. I needed a plan, and, as much as I hated to admit it, I needed help. I walked toward my room with a determined look on my face, I knew what I needed to do. Glancing at the clock which read 6am, I decided to call anyway.

"Mom?" I whispered timidly into the phone. "Mom, I need your help…"

* * *

I sat in the living room, waiting for Charlie to open the front door. I could hear him walking up the stairs of the front porch, fumbling with his keys. I closed my eyes and took deep breathes in an attempt to calm down my racing heart.

I had a fairly good idea how Charlie was going to take this news. Not well. Glancing to the corner of the room, where I had placed the three full suitcases I had pack that afternoon, I began to panic again.

"Bells," Charlie's loud good-humoured voice called through the house.

Taking a deep breathe, I answered.

"In here Dad."

Charlie walked into the living room with a smile on his face. Seeing me sitting rigidly on the couch, his smile faltered. I noticed his glance quickly slip over to the bags in the corner. I watched him eye me with suspicion.

"Bella," he greeted again with slight trepidation creeping into his voice.

I took a breathe. It was now or never.

"Dad, I'm pregnant." My eyes widened as I watched Charlie's face turn from pink to red to purple.

_Great going Bella, _I thought to myself. _Blurting it out like that was probably not the best of all ideas._

"Dad?" I asked timidly, "Are you okay?"

"Edward?" Asked Charlie, his eyes turning hard. I just nodded in response, I didn't know how else to answer. Noticing the fists Charlie's hands were starting to form, I jumped in to explain the plan I had formulated with Mom that morning.

"Dad, I have a plan. I talked to Mom."

"You have a plan," asked Charlie incredulously. He moved to sit on the couch opposite me.

"Yeah," I admitted softly. I knew how hard this must be for Charlie to hear, though somewhere in the back of my head I was surprised at how well Charlie was taking this so far. There was no broken furniture so far. "Look, I'm graduating in two days time. I don't want to tell Edward about this." I held up my hand as Charlie started to protest. I had been expecting that.

"Please Dad, I've already decided this, so I'd like for you not to tell him either. Telling Edward would mean both of us giving up any opportunities and dreams we have for our futures." I didn't mention that even with my plan I was giving up the dream that meant the most to me; a life and family with Edward. I didn't think that Charlie was quite ready to hear that.

"Two days after graduation I'm going to fly to Jacksonville to stay with Mom and Phil over the summer. Mom was telling me that Phil's contract with the Suns in Floridais ending at the end of this month, so instead of renewing it, they are going to look at positions in Berkeley or New Haven." I looked at Dad, hoping the reference to a couple of the colleges I was considering would sedate him slightly. It appeared to be working, he was sitting there nodding with thought.

I knew that one of the main things that would be really hard for Charlie to deal with in regards to the pregnancy would be my college education. When I'd gotten scholarships to three of the schools I had applied to I was ecstatic, it all seemed rather inconsequential now.

I sighed at the thought of college. My original choice of the three had been Dartmouth, with Edward. Edward had his heart set on Dartmouth, he was looking to do pre-med, like his father. I quickly counted that choice out now, convincing myself that it would be better for everyone if Edward never knew I was pregnant. UC Berkeley and Yale were both good schools, but I had no preference to either in particular. I'd decided I'd go to whichever, depending on where it was easiest for Phil to find work he liked. It was the least I could do considering he and Mom were about to uproot their entire lives to help me.

"Anyway, I'll live with Mom and Phil, at least until I finish college. That way Mom can help me with, well, everything," I finished, gesturing vaguely toward my stomach. I wasn't quite at the stage yet where I could voice the inevitable ramifications of pregnancy.

"Bells," Charlie asked softly, "are you sure, that, well, you know." Charlie looked up at me to see if I had gotten the gist of his sentence. I hadn't. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" He finished very quickly, his face flushing.

My breathe caught in my throat. Termination wasn't something that had even crossed my mind since the morning, but I knew as soon as the words came out of Charlie's mouth that I couldn't do it. I decided to be entirely honest with him.

"Actually, it hadn't really crossed my mind as a possibility until just then. But Dad," at this point I tore my gaze away from my hands in my lap and looked at Charlie, "I don't think that I _could_ do that. I don't think I'd have the strength."

Charlie looked resigned as he shot me a small smile filled with pity. I was fairly sure he knew what my answer was going to be when he broached that subject.

"So you're sure right?" He asked quietly, still looking at me in pity.

"Yeah," I answered, my mind going into shock. "I went to the doctor this afternoon after I first spoke to mom." My mind was reeling. Why was Charlie taking this so well? Where was the yelling, the breaking of furniture, the death threats directed toward Edward? Then, as if he could read my mind, Charlie spoke.

"I still want to kill him you know. But I will respect your wishes. I won't breathe a word to anyone. God knows when you have your mind set to something, there's not much anyone can do to change it."

My eyes filled with tears. This was not at all what I had prepared myself for. Anger, disappointment, disgust. Those things I had braced myself for, but love and pity I had not prepared myself for at all. I opened my mouth to speak, but found I couldn't, my throat had been blocked by emotion. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Why don't you get some rest now?" Asked Charlie. "I'll speak to Renee, we'll arrange all your flights. You just focus on graduating tomorrow."

I nodded mutely and got up from the couch. As I was about to turn and head to the stairs, Charlie raised himself from the couch and pulled me into a hug. After a moment of not speaking, he pulled away and headed to the phone. Tears once again clouding my eyes I started to climb the stairs to my bedroom, wondering how on earth I was going to deal with graduation tomorrow. I didn't have time to fret over it though, because as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

**_A/N: Okay, this is my first fanfic, so please be gentle! _**

**_Originally this was just going to be a short prologue, and then the story would skip to 5 years ahead of time, but this chapter kind of got away from me and now I have decided I can't possibly continue without having Bella attend graduation, somehow telling Edward she doesn't want to go away to college with him, etc. _**

**_So I think I've decided the story will still jump, but not as soon. Any opinions on whether the story should jump after Bella leaves Forks or after Bella has her baby?_**


	2. Graduation

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight pouts**_

**A/N: So, I was quite happy, and pleasantly surprised at the amount of favourites/reviews/story alerts that flooded into my inbox! Yeah! Because of that I felt quite inspired to write the next chapter, hence the quick update! I hope you all like it as much as the first – there are some things I just had to get out of the way, like Bella's history with Alice, etc.**

**And remember – the more reviews I get, the more frequently I will update! :) **

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I woke the next morning with a start. Glancing over at my alarm clock I saw the numbers 6:29 glaring back at me in bright red. My breathe caught in my throat as memories of the previous day can flooding back to me.

I leapt out of bed and half stumbled across my bedroom in a desperate attempt to get to my desk. I briefly closed my eyes then yanked the top drawer open quickly.

_Please let this have all been a really really awful dream, _I prayed silently. Slowly, cautiously, I opened my eyes and stared down into the drawer. Every ounce of hope that I had managed to scrounge together in the last 30 seconds immediately left my body as I saw the one thing I had been hoping wouldn't be there. Scowling, a slammed the drawer shut, wincing at the loud noise it made. I'd almost forgotten it was only 6:30 in the morning, and there was every chance Charlie would still be asleep.

Trudging back toward my bed I switched off the alarm on my clock radio and lay down, staring at the ceiling. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let this happen?

Two days ago I had everything going for me. I had a great best friend, a wonderful boyfriend, family who loved me as much as I loved them and an almost limitless future. I had plans to attend Dartmouth for college in the fall with Edward, I'd been toying with the idea of going pre-law. I tried to picture my future as a lawyer, or as any type of career woman with a squalling baby. I couldn't see it.

I considered my more immediate problem, wincing at the thought. How was I going to make a clean break from all the ties I had here in Forks? How was I going to convince Edward that not only did I not want to go away to the same college as him, but I pretty much didn't want to see him again either? More importantly, how was I going to convince Edward of this if I couldn't seem to convince myself?

Alice was going to be devastated. She had been my best friend since grade school, when she had moved to Forks with her parents. The Cullen's had become like a second family to me during my four years of high school. There was no way I was going to be able to keep in contact with Alice, she was Edward's sister, I couldn't ask her to keep a secret like that for me, and the more I thought about it, the more I knew it would be impossible. It wasn't that Alice couldn't keep secrets, she could, just not from her family, and I wasn't about to be the one to ask her to.

My thoughts drifted back to Edward. I was thankful now at least that we had only officially been together for 3 months.

When Alice and her parents had moved to Forks from Alaska at the beginning of the eight grade, her two older brothers, Emmett and Edward had stayed behind, living with their aunt and uncle. Alice had been less attached to her old home and school, and preferred to go where her parents did. Forks proved to be a rather unchallenging place for Alice, and after the first couple of weeks at school it became clear to the teachers the level of Alice's intellect. They decided that instead of them having to spend their time thinking of slightly more exigent things for Alice to work at, she was moved into the eighth grade. We'd been almost inseparable ever since.

Edward was the same age as I was, and Emmett a year older than us. After Emmett had graduated from high school the previous year, Edward had made the decision to move to Forks and finish his last year of schooling with Alice. I smiled at the thought. I'd never known Edward as well as I had Emmett before this year. Emmett, who reminded me ever so much of a friendly grizzly bear, the type you see on the pages of a children's book, always friendly and welcoming. During the time I had spent at the Cullen's on holidays, when the boys would come to Forks if not otherwise occupied, I had grown to view Emmett as the older brother I never had, and, according to Alice, never wanted.

Edward I hadn't seen as much of on holidays. He tended to avoid Forks, always travelling with friends, or stating an overabundance of homework as a reason not to visit with Emmett. For the first half of our senior year we had danced around each other awkwardly, neither being sure enough of the other's feelings to want to make the first move. So Alice, becoming ever so frustrated at the awkward tension that filled the air whenever we were in the same room, had made the first move for us, locking us in a cupboard for an hour.

I was still sure she had done it on purpose, but she swore black and blue that the door knob fell off itself, and apparently it took her all of an hour to find a screw driver to undo the hinges and let us out. I honestly would have believed her had I not found a screw driver and a couple of screws which looked suspiciously like they belonged to the door knob in question in her bedroom that very morning.

I figured it would be easier to break things off with Edward considering the shorter amount of time we had spent as a couple, as oppose to if he had moved to Forks with Esme and Carlisle when Alice had.

I glanced back at the clock on my dresser, 7:15. Shit, I was going to be late if I didn't start moving now. Plus, I was sure that all the crying I had done yesterday had not done my eyes any favours in the looks department. Scooping my bathroom supplies from the floor where they had been scattered after I accidently kicked them in my rush to get to my desk earlier in the morning, I went to have a shower.

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"Dad," I called hesitantly as I wandered down the stairs. I wasn't really expecting him to be home. He was never usually home in the mornings before school, by the time I usually made it down stairs he had usually headed off to work. He had told me last week that he had some business to take care of in the morning, but that he would see me at my graduation ceremony that afternoon, though after the events of last night, I wasn't really sure what to expect.

"Dad," I called again, slightly louder this time. Frowning slightly I wandered into the kitchen. There was a note sitting on the table written in Charlie's messy scrawl. Picking it up, I started to read softly to myself.

_"Bella, sorry I couldn't see you before you headed to school this morning, I had to run into the station to sort out some things in order to make it to this afternoons ceremony."_ I stopped reading for a moment and smiled. I was glad Charlie wasn't treating me like a child, though I wasn't to sure that I didn't deserve it.

_"I spoke to Renee last night after you went to bed. Though I may not approve of your plan 100, I can understand your motives, and your need to get away from certain people. Renee finished organising your flight yesterday afternoon after you spoke the second time, attached is the e-ticket she had me print out, you leave tomorrow evening. Good luck with today baby girl and I will see you this afternoon. Love Dad."_ I choked back a sob. The last line of the letter and the way Charlie had signed off was making me overly emotional.

At least I could justify any tears today as a reluctance to leave high school behind. I screwed up my nose at the thought. I had never been one of those people who got overly emotional at the idea of leaving school, and I had had no intentions to shed any tears today. I wasn't sure my reputation could handle it.

Folding the note in half I placed it in the pocket of my jacket. Leaning over the table I pulled toward me the sheet of paper Charlie had printed out and left for me. I was to leave the day after graduation, tomorrow, at 5:45pm. That gave me an entire day to deal with whatever.

I left the ticket on the counter and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl by the door. I didn't exactly feel like anything to eat at the moment, but the last thing I wanted to do today was faint. I just needed to get through the day without too much drama, and then I could leave the next day, and start my life fresh.

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The first thing I noticed as I pulled my decrepit old truck into the parking lot at school was Alice, standing on the other side of a row of cars waving manically at me. Smiling I waved back before pulling my truck into a free space. My heart ached when I realised that today was probably one of the last times that I would see Alice. I got out of my truck and walked toward her, pulling silly faces as I went. When I was about 10m from her I abruptly stopped pulling faces as I noticed Edward standing next to her. I took a deep breathe and steeled myself for what I was about to do.

"Bella," yelled Alice excitedly, "Bella, can you believe it? Our last day of high school, ever!"

I laughed. It was hard not to get caught up in Alice's enthusiasm. I decided that now wasn't the best time to tell them I was leaving and not coming back. Why ruin the entire day? Plus, I justified to myself, if I tell them later in the day, just before we all go home, there is less time they can question my motives and therefore less chance of me putting my foot in my mouth and saying something I would regret.

The morning flew by, everyone saying goodbye, people gushing about how much they would miss people they had never given a second thought to. Every time Alice or Edward mentioned something of the future I just pasted a semi smile on my face. My future was uncertain at the moment, but there was one thing that I knew; it did not include them, or anyone else I knew in Forks.

* * *

Before we knew it we were sitting in rows of chairs, waiting for the principal to call our names. Thankfully I wasn't seated anywhere near Alice or Edward. Although I knew that I had to do what I had to do, I was starting to feel immensely guilty about the way I was going to leave things. But I had made this decision on my own, to keep my baby, so why make two lives harder when there was no need.

I knew Edward would drop his plans of doing pre-med for a less intensive program if I asked him, and it was that very thought which kept me silent. I didn't want him giving up his dreams, I knew he had been planning to do pre-med for years, Alice was always telling me. I resolved that I would not be the one to take that from him.

On both sides of me people began to stand. I'd daydreamed through letters A to R, it was time for my row to be called. I waited patiently, and made the decision to enjoy this moment. No matter what my future held for me, right now, I was graduating from high school. I had worked hard for this, and nothing was going to ruin my moment. I slipped my hand in my jacket pocket and felt the edge of Charlie's letter that I had placed in their that morning. A swell of courage coursed through me.

"Bella Swan," the authoritative voice of the principal called over the speaker system. Putting an immense smile on my face, I started to walk toward the stage. I saw Edward turn from his seat along the aisle and give me a reassuring and proud smile. I tried to ignore the guilt knowing away at me and focus on the positives.

As I walked up on stage and collected my high school diploma from the principal I started to feel slightly more calm. I had graduated from high school. I had a plan. I was going to college. I had Mom and Phil to help me, and I was going to make the most of the life I had ahead of me.

I looked up at the crowd, grinning after the sudden epiphany I had just experienced. I was sure nothing could bring me down from this moment. Charlie was standing in front of his chair, clapping and applauding loudly, Alice was clapping and smiling, almost bouncing from her seat.

But Edward. Edward wasn't. Instead he was looking down at his hands. More specifically a piece of worn looking paper he had in his hands. I felt my heart skip a beat as my hand flew to my jacket pocket underneath my robe. My letter. I kept my smile glued to my face but it was completely empty now. Edward had the letter from Charlie I had had in my pocket all day.

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A/N: How exciting, my first cliff hanger! I was going to continue on with this paragraph, and have it go a fair bit longer. I had actually already written about another half a page on the end, but I decided this was just too good a place to pause to pass it by.

**But, if it make you all feel any better, considering I already have at least half a page written of what I am now going to make the next chapter, the next update shouldn't be too far in the future (although I do have to write an essay on nitrogen deficiency in plants…)**

**Please Review!!**

**A/N 2: I've also set up a live journal account – the link is in my profile (my homepage) – any detail I have about the story will be posted there, when the next update is likely to be, etc, as well as sneak peeks into the next chapters every now and then!**


	3. The Letter

**_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight..._**

**A/N: I realise there may have been a little bit of confusion at the end of the last chapter as to when Edward had gotten the letter. Sorry about this, it hadn't even occured to me that that could have been a little confusing because when I wrote the last chapter, I didn't stop there and then start this one later. The first half of this chapter originally belonged to the last one! But that confusion is cleared up here anyway.**

**Since I started this story it has had over 300 hits... but only 11 reviews :( Come on people! Make me happy!! (Thanks to those who did review! I really appreciate it!)**

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It must have fallen out of my pocket as I walked past.

As I started to walk off stage I was beginning to panic. What had the letter said? Had it mentioned that I was pregnant? No, No I don't think it had. No, now I was certain it hadn't. I remembered thinking that morning that Charlie probably hadn't been ready to write anything specific down on paper, it would have made the whole situation too real.

My breathing slowed slightly. At least I wasn't in danger of hyperventilating now. I wringing my hands in anguish. I could remember the words in the letter now. And I knew exactly how Edward was going to take them.

There were two lines in the letter that he wasn't going to understand the reason behind, but no doubt he would understand who Charlie was referring to.

"_I can understand your motives, and your need to get away from certain people. Renee finished organising your flight yesterday afternoon after you spoke the second time, attached is the e-ticket she had me print out, you leave tomorrow evening." _

All Edward was going to know from reading the letter was that I was leaving Forks, tomorrow eveing, and that he, and possibly Alice, were the people that I needed to escape from.

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at myself. This incident gave me the perfect cover for my leaving. Well, it didn't really give me a cover at all if you really thought about it, but Edward and Alice were likely to be too upset and betrayed by me to worried about minor details such as that. With the way Charlie had written the letter, it sounded as though I was just sick of their company, and wanted to leave for entirely selfish reasons.

So why, if I now had an avenue for escape, did I feel so incredibly guilty and awful? I made it back to my seat, carefully sitting down before I glanced Edward's direction. I could see the back of both him and Alice, they were only seated a few rows ahead of me, one plus side to the small population of Forks. He was sitting, his head bowed slightly. He just looked so defeated.

I made myself look to the side, to Alice. I had no doubt that she had seen the letter by now, even if Edward hadn't wanted to show her. Alice would have gotten it from him one way or another. Trepidation filled me as Alice slowly started to turn in her seat to face me. I wish she hadn't. When Alice turned around she looked so hurt and so unlike Alice that it took all I had not too mouth 'I'm sorry' in her direction.

Apologising or trying to explain the letter now wasn't going to do anyone any good. If Alice and Edward thought that I had abandoned them, that I was petty and selfish enough to feel the need to get so far away from them I was going to the opposite corner of the country, they were less likely to spend any great deal of time deliberating over my sudden departure.

And it was less likely that Edward would come looking for me. That was a big one as far as I was concerned. Edward knew where my mother and Phil lived, he had come to visit them with me one weekend just last month. The letter plainly implied that I was going to Renee, I didn't want Edward or Alice doing anything rash and coming down to Jacksonville to try and talk some reason into me.

I would start to show soon, even if it was just a little bit. Both Alice and Edward were far to inquisitive not to notice even the slightest of bumps. I thought back to yesterday afternoon, when I had seen the doctor.

* * *

"_Bella, what can I do for you today?" The jolly Dr. Green had asked. Far too jolly in my opinion._

"_I think I'm pregnant," I muttered somewhat incoherently._

"_Sorry Bells," laughed Dr. Green, "You'll have to speak up a little."_

_This, I had decided right there and then was the exact reason that living in a small town and having the same doctor the entire way through your life was a very very bad thing. _

"_I think I'm pregnant," I stated again, more clearly. Jeez, kick a girl while she's down why don't you. Just make her say the dreaded words more than once, it doesn't matter. Dr. Green looked slightly more solemn at this. Good. I hadn't wanted a positive reaction to this. I probably would have kicked him._

"_Okay then, lets do some tests shall we? I assume you want to know as soon as possible?"_

_I nodded my head vigorously._

"_I can put a rush order on these bloods, if you wanted to wait in the waiting room I could have the results for you in an hour or so."_

_Relief washed through me as I nodded my head vigourously. I had been dreading waiting days for the blood test results. Immediate gratification was much better. _

"_Hold out your arm then."_

* * *

I touched my hand lightly to the crook of my arm where Dr. Green had taken the blood yesterday. It was still slightly tender. The hour that I had spent in the waiting room that day was possibly the longest hour I have ever witnessed.

* * *

"_Bella," started Dr. Green. I could already tell by the tone of his voice, the sympathy it held, that the tests were not going to show me anything I wanted to see._

"_Bella, I'm sorry to have to tell you that yes, you are pregnant."_

_He's sorry?? What about me? I'm the one with a parasite growing inside of me, destroying my plans. Calm Bella, I had thought to myself, calm._

"_By the look of this you are about 9 weeks on. Everyone is different, but you could start to show soon."_

_9 weeks? Over two months?? Okay, so I knew it was possible, considering everything, but how on earth could I not have noticed something before? How could I not have had any suspicions until now?_

* * *

In the back of my mind I vaguely registered that the principal had finished speaking, and that there was a flurry of movement around me. I rose from my chair slowly. Looking back towards where Alice and Edward had been seated I noticed their seats were empty. Great, odds are they were waiting for me outside, expecting an explanation. An explanation that I just really couldn't give them.

I wasn't disappointed. As I walked out of the school gym with Charlie, where the graduation ceremony had been held, I saw Edward and Alice standing a little way away, facing each other. I quietly excused myself from Charlie, telling him that I would see him at home, and walked toward them.

"May I please have my letter back?" I asked in an indifferent tone. I knew I had to act the part – cold, indifferent and mean – in order to get them both to believe I wasn't worth fretting over, but it still hurt to hear my very own voice talking to the two people, other than Renee and Charlie, who meant most to me in the world.

Edward turned to face me, refusing to meet my eyes, holding the letter out as he did. Silently, I reached out and took the letter, taking care to push it deep into my jacket pocket this time.

"Bella," started Alice, her voice wavering. "We just need to understand. The letter has us a little, well, confused."

Edward snorted. Alice glared at him then continued.

"Do you just need time before you start at Dartmouth in the fall?" She asked hopefully. "Is that it?"

I sighed. I hated to do this to Alice. She looked so hopeful that there was an explanation for the letter that they had so devastatingly misinterpreted, and there was, just not one I was willing to share.

"No Alice. That isn't it," I replied in a cold voice. She cowered at my tone. I changed my tone from a cold, uncaring one to a flippant, indifferent one.

"I'm not going to Dartmouth anymore. I've decided I don't really want to. Besides, I want to go out into the world on my own, meet new people, you know how it is." My word couldn't have been more false had I tried. I was terrified of going out into the world on my own. I wanted to stay as close by Edward and Alice as I could. Alice looked crushed. I dropped my gaze for a moment, trying to recollect my thoughts.

When I lifted my gaze again I almost wished I hadn't. Edward glared in my direction and put an arm around Alice, who had tears forming in her eyes. But the thing that got me the most wasn't the way Edward was glaring at me, but mixed look of sadness and confusion hidden slightly by the glare.

I started to open my mouth to say something. I wasn't really sure what it was I was going to say, so I was glad to be interrupted by Emmett.

"Hey all you high school grads," boomed Emmett as he strode over to where the three of us were standing. I looked down at the pavement. Emmett didn't seem to notice the tension that hung in the air. "Whose up for milkshakes?"

I almost laughed again. Trust Emmett to come up with something so mediocre, so normal at a time like this. I craved this normalcy so much, but I knew I wouldn't be welcome after what I had just said or that I would be able to keep my charade up for much longer.

Plus, I didn't think my stomach could handle anything of a milky substance at the moment.

"Bella's busy," said Edward shortly. "She has to pack."

I cringed at the hard edge to his voice.

"Yeah, sorry Emmett," I replied, not bothering to try and make my voice sound cheerful and care-free. "I have to run."

I glanced around at them all one last time.

"B-bye," I stuttered.

I turned and walked away as quickly as I could. Emmett stood behind me with a confused look on his face, I could tell he was trying to make sense of what had just gone on. By the time I had made it to the parking lot I was almost shaking with noiseless sobs.

I drove my truck home as quickly as it would allow me to. As soon as I had pulled into the driveway I was out of the car and head to the front door. I unlocked the door in record time – all I wanted to do was collapse on my bed.

"Bells," started Charlie as I walked in the front door.

"Not now Dad," I managed to get out through heavy sobs. All pretence of being okay had evaporated as I stepped through the threshold and now all I wanted to do was lie on my bed and cry.

Charlie took one look at my face and decided that whatever he was going to say or suggest could wait. He motioned for the stairs as a way of telling me that I was free to go to my room of that was what I needed. It was.

I took the stairs two at a time and leapt onto my bed, swinging the door shut behind me. And then I cried.

I was glad that I was finally alone. If I had have had to deal with Edward or Alice much longer I would have caved. I didn't have the emotional strength to put my friends through what I was putting them through at the moment.

If someone were to ask me again tonight what I was doing, odds are I would probably tell them. I shuddered at the thought, glad that I was home and in my room, safe from prying questions.

**A/N: So, I was going to have Bella leaving at the end of this chapter, but I all of a sudden felt the need to more accurately portray what Alice and Edward were going through. **

**I have therefore decided that next chapter will be from Edward and Alice's POV, and probably only a short one, but just so we can see how they are taking what is going on. Trust me, it will be important later!**

**And please please please please please review! (And, if anyone has an opinion on Bella's baby - should it be a girl or a boy, or twins? Add this to your reviews!)**


	4. Alice and Edward

**_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight..._**

* * *

_EDWARD'S POV_

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. All the anger I had been able to muster up and direct toward Bella had gone flying out of me the moment Alice and I got home.

To be completely honest with myself, I had been more hurt and confused than angry, and I would have let Bella know this, instead of acting the way I did, but she just looked so cold when she walked over to Alice and I after the ceremony.

Every doubt I had managed to gather since I had read the letter that had dropped from Bella's pocket as she walked on stage left me the instant I saw the look on her face.

Two could play at that game. So I had acted angry, as cold and distant as she did in return. It hadn't been that hard once I had seen the look on Alice's face, and heard the way Bella had destroyed Alice's hopes that the letter wasn't about us.

The cruel words echoed in my mind.

"_I'm not going to Dartmouth anymore. I've decided I don't really want to. Besides, I was to go out into the world on my own, meet new people, you know how it is."_

My chest started to hurt just thinking of the flippant, casual voice Bella had said this in. She wasn't coming to Dartmouth with me. I closed my eyes to prevent tears leaking down the sides of my face.

I glanced at the clock. 7:02pm. Dad would be getting home from the hospital soon, Mom would be starting to dish up dinner. I decided I didn't care. About anything. I was going to stay right were I was for the next however long.

"Edward," called Alice's voice through the closed door.

I paused. I knew Alice was hurting as well, but I just didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment.

"Go away." I closed my eyes. I had nothing else to say.

ALICE'S POV

* * *

Five years. In the whole five years I had known Bella, I had never known her to act like she had done today. Today Bella had acted more like Lauren than Bella.

Her words had stung, Bella was my best friend. I had to believe that she wasn't an awful person. I had to believe there was a reason to her most recent actions. And I was going to find out what it was.

I walked to Edward's room. He had looked so broken by the time we had pulled up in front of the house.

"Edward," I called through the closed door of his room. There was a long pause. Just as I was about to open the door I heard a soft, defeated reply.

"Go away."

Resentment flared inside me, how could Bella do this to us? My determination to find out what was going through Bella's head increased two-fold.

"Mom," I called as a raced down the stairs. "Mom, can you hear me." I frowned at the lack of reply I received. Curious, I walked towards the kitchen, knowing if Mom was cooking odd are she wouldn't have heard me.

"Esme," I called in a laughing, drawn out voice. I knew Mom hated us kids calling her by her first name.

"If you were looking for my attention Alice, you now have it," Mom replied in a mock stern voice, her eyes dancing.

"I'm just going to run over to Bella's for a bit," I told her, "I have some, well, things to sort out with her."

Mom's smile faltered slightly.

"Alice," she sighed quietly, "I noticed there was something up with you, Bella and Edward after the graduation ceremony today, and Emmett told me how you all acted when he was speaking to you."

Mom paused, collecting her thoughts before speaking again.

"All I'm saying, is that maybe, tonight you should just focus on enjoying the fact that you have graduated, and have a nice family meal with us all. Bella will still her there tomorrow morning, maybe you should just let whatever happened between you all settle, and talk about it tomorrow."

I considered Mom's suggestion. I was aching to rush over to Bella's house and make her tell me what on earth was going through her mind. But maybe Mom had a point.

I nodded softly.

"That sounds like an okay idea Mom. I do really want to go over now, but I suppose I'm less likely to say something I'll later regret if I sleep on it first."

Mom smile at me.

"You kids have been friends for ages, Bella is almost part of the family. Everything will sort itself out."

"I hope so Mom, I really do. Edward looks so broken at the moment."

Mom just looked at me with a sad smile on her face.

"Dinner with be ready in about 10 minutes."

I nodded again as I started to walk back to room, knowing the conversation was over.

"Oh, and Alice," Mom called softly after me.

I turned to give her my attention.

"Leave Edward be for now, it's their first big fight. He just needs time sweetie."

I turned and started back toward the staircase, making a mental note to head over to Bella's house as early as politely possible tomorrow morning. I was going to get to the bottom of this. I just had to.

**A/N: Short chapter, I know, and I'm sorry, but I just felt that we really needed to get Alice and Edward's POVs. Next chapter will be mainly Bella and Alice, and I am fairly sure that this time, Bella is actually going to leave - I don't think I can draw this out anymore! **

**There will be a little bit of Edward though. Mainly to just foreshadow the direction his life is heading in - reasons for this will all become clear later!**

**Ciao - and remember - click on the little itty bitty button on the bottom left hand corner of the screen that says 'submit review' - you know you want to!! Still need opinions on the sex of Bella's baby... (thank-you to those who have reviewed, especially with thoughts for Bella's baby - it's greatly appreciated!)**


	5. Alice's Inquisition

**_DIACLAIMER: I do not own Twilight..._**

BELLA'S POV

I woke the next morning to a repetitive pounding sound. Frowning as I struggled to extradite myself from my sleeping state, I tried to figure out what the pounding noise could be.

Glancing sideways toward my clock, I realised Charlie would be at work already, so the increasingly loud and annoying noise couldn't be him.

Maybe it was a woodpecker, banging against my window. Yes, that's what it would be. I rolled over and attempted to drown out the noise, intent on getting a little more sleep.

"I know you're home. Open the bloody door," a very loud voice yelled.

I frowned. I didn't know woodpeckers could talk. I sat up suddenly, grabbing my head as it spun at my sudden movement. Woodpeckers couldn't talk.

The pounding noise started again. I realised now that I was slightly more awake that the pounding noise I had been trying so hard to ignore was most probably the front door.

Growling slightly to myself I threw the covers off my body and started to pad my way downstairs toward the front door.

"Geez," I muttered to myself quietly, "hold your horses."

"Coming," I yelled out louder so the impatient person at the door could hear me.

As I swung the door open I started to regret leaving my bed. There Alice stood with a scowl on here face looking ready to take on the world, or at least me. I gulped audibly.

"Bella," she greeted, the scowl never leaving her face.

I tried, and failed, to put a smile on my face to welcome my now former best friend.

Alice breezed past me into the living room and flopped onto the couch. Had I been hallucinating these past couple of days? Had it maybe all been an awful dream?

I looked toward Alice, only to have all my hopes dashed. She was sitting on the couch, staring intently back at me. She was no longer scowling, more just waiting for something.

An explanation from me I assumed. An explanation that I just didn't have to give to her.

"Bella," she started uneasily.

"Just a moment Alice," I replied hastily. "Let me go and get dressed."

Without waiting for an answer I turned and dashed upstairs to my bedroom. This I was not at all prepared for. I very slowly started to walk around my bedroom and collect the clothing that I was going to need for the day. After I was dressed I brushed my hair, slightly more so than was needed, just in an attempt to prolong the inevitable.

What was I going to say to Alice? I had no idea. I glanced at my watch. I'd been up here for ten minutes now, I knew I had to go back downstairs, but it didn't make it any easier to walk toward the door.

I walked down the stairs and into the living room. Then I just stood there and looked at Alice.

I waited for her to say something else. She just stared back at me, her eyes conveying everything. I couldn't answer the questions her eyes were asking, I couldn't make the first move.

I had to wait for Alice to speak to me, for Alice to ask a question. Then and only then would I answer her, and only as much as her question dictated. Nothing more. I knew that that was the only way I was going to get through this without letting on to Alice that something was wrong.

Something more than me just being in a bitchy mood anyway.

"Bella," Alice began again, slightly stronger this time. "I want to know what you're thinking. I want to know why you've done what you have. I _need_ to know." Alice paused to gauge my reaction. "_Edward_ needs to know."

I cringed when she stressed the words need and Edward. That hurt. I schooled my face into a blank look.

"What do you need to know?" I asked casually as I walked toward the kitchen. It would be easier if I was doing something with my heads.

"Did you want a coffee?" I called back to Alice.

"Just water," answered Alice in a bewildered tone.

I knew how hard to comprehend my actions must be to her at the moment. From memory, I had never acted like this the entire time we had been friends. I pressed the kettle to boil.

Walking over to the fridge, I grabbed the water jug and milk bottle. I poured a long glass of water for Alice while adding coffee and milk to a coffee mug for myself. As I waited for the kettle to finish boiling I put the milk and water back into the fridge.

The kettle dinged. I slowly poured boiling water into the mug trying to prolong the inevitable conversation that I knew was awaiting my return in the living room.

I grabbed Alice's water and my coffee and walked back to the couch. Sitting on the couch opposite her, I handed her the water and started to sip my coffee.

"Are you going to stop avoiding me now?" Asked Alice bluntly.

I almost gaped at Alice, but was able to stop myself just in time. She had always been able to see straight through me.

"Go ahead," I said calmly, "though I'm not sure I really know why you're here. I thought we said goodbye yesterday?"

I watched as a hurt look flashed across Alice's face.

"Bella, I know you better than most people and I know that this," Alice made hand gestures to indicated she was talking about me, "is not you. You are not this cruel, or this cold. I get that you're not going to tell me anything at the moment, but hear me now. I will not give up on our friendship. Even if it takes years, I am going to find out whatever it is that you're hiding."

I did gape this time, I couldn't help myself. I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it again, realising there wasn't anything I could think of to say.

Alice stood up.

"I'll see myself out Bella," she said in a decided tone. "This won't be the last you hear from me."

And with that Alice walked out of the living room. Seconds later I heard the front door swing shut and the sound of Alice's car starting.

Tears formed in my eyes. All I was trying to do was to make everything easier for everyone, but I was hurting them.

My resolve started to waiver. Maybe I could tell them all. Maybe we could make this work.

No Bella, I thought to myself sternly. I'd chosen this path for a reason, and I was completely sure that both Alice and Edward would be better off with me leaving.

Now I just had to muster up the strength to actually leave.

* * *

ALICE'S POV

I started my car and sat there for a minute, just listening to the sound of the engine running. What on earth was wrong with Bella? I knew there was something wrong, I couldn't let myself believe that Bella had turned into an entirely new person overnight.

I sighed, and pressed my foot to the clutch as I shifted my car into reverse. Glancing behind me I slowly backed my car out of Bella's driveway and headed towards home.

When I got home I started to wish I had gone somewhere else. Edward still hadn't left his room. There was a note from Mom on the dining room table, telling me that she had left a plate of food outside Edwards door, and could I check on it?

Sighing, I slowly start to climb the stairs to the second floor, where the bedrooms were located. The tray Mom had left lay untouched outside the closed door of Edward's bedroom.

I narrowed my eyes. Suddenly I didn't really care so much for what was wrong with Bella. She had to know what she was doing to us, what she was doing to Edward by acting the way she was.

I knocked lightly on Edward's door. After a moment of no answer, I called softly through the door.

"Edward, please answer me. Edward, I'm coming in."

I cautiously opened the door. Edward lay on his back in the middle of his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Go away Alice, I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now," replied Edward in a monotone voice.

"No offense though," he added as an after thought.

"Edward," I started.

"Alice, I'm being serious. Go away."

"No," I replied slightly too loudly. I took a breathe and worked at keeping my voice lower. Yelling at Edward now was going to do neither of us any good.

"Edward, look at yourself. You look awful, you haven't eaten and frankly I'm starting to worry."

"Well don't."

"Great comeback," I muttered sarcastically.

"Alice, please. Just leave."

I look at Edward again. Nothing I said was going to get through to him right now.

"Fine, but I'm leaving the food Mom left you on your bed side table. You'll eat it if you know what's good for you. Mom will know if you haven't."

With that I placed the tray I had in my hands on Edward's left bedside table and walked out the door, closing it behind me.

Leaning my back against the door I sighed deeply, a lone tear slipping down my cheek.

* * *

EDWARD'S POV

I waited as I heard Alice closed my bedroom door with a soft click. I listened for her footsteps walking away from my room, but they didn't come straight away. I frowned and listened closely. Alice leant against the outside of my door and sighed, sounding somewhat defeated.

I gritted my teeth. Alice didn't deserve this. Even if Bella didn't want to be with me anymore, how could she have done this to Alice?

I understood how Bella could want to leave Forks and go out on her own – but did she have to do it in such a cruel manner? Wasn't it possible for her to decide she needed to go out on her own; but keep in touch with her friends?

Fine. If Bella wanted to be like that, well, two could play at that game. I didn't want Alice to have to be the strong one. I was her older brother. Alice had known Bella for a lot longer than I had, they had been best friends for almost six years.

I could deal with this. I had to deal with this. Because at the moment, with me acting like I was, Alice was having to deal with the brunt of it all.

It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right.

I sat up on my bed. Leaning over to my bedside table I picked up some food from the tray Mom had made up for me.

Bella Swan was not going to ruin my life. Well, Bella Swan was not going to ruin Alice's life anyway. I was going to use this as one of those things in life that happen to people on the TV, in books or in movies.

Adversity was going to given me strength to do something with my life. I wasn't sure what, but something.

And I was going to make sure Alice didn't dwell on Bella's departure.

**_A/N: This chapter is a little longer than the last one, and there is still going to be one or two more chapters before the story jumps forward. Next chapter will be Bella leaving, and maybe a little of Edward and Alice._**

**_Edward's part here was hard to write; but integral in the future plot. _**

**_And remember - the more reviews I get, the quicker I update :)_**

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	6. Goodbye Forks

**A/N: I know Bella was **_**meant**_** to leave at the end of last chapter; but truthfully I forgot about that as I was writing it – and I needed to get some more of Edward and Alice in so we know where their lives are headed before the story jumps forward! (Plus, this chapter is double the length of the previous longest chapter in this story - so I feel I deserve some leniency!!! and REVIEWS!!)**

**Thanks to kewlbubzlouise, kate, Krissy, mutantbabysmoshmorton, tukatarina, Mrs. Alice Jonas, edward rox my soxx, Fernsfairie, HarryandGinnyeternal, Mrs.E., MVMMT5, Twilightfan000001, anangelwithnoname and silver sniper of the night for reviewing! It's greatly appreciated!!!**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

BELLA'S POV

I stared at the screen in front of me. 9 weeks and apparently my baby was actually looking like a real baby inside of me. An involuntary shiver passed through me as I closed the internet window I had open.

I slowly turned off my ancient computer and picked up my last bag from my bed. With that I walked toward the door.

I stared at my bedroom one last time. This was it. I was really leaving. I wasn't going to be back in Forks for many years, if I ever came back at all. This was going to be the last time I stood here, looking at my bedroom in Charlie's house.

A tear welled up in my right eye. I was going to miss Charlie. I had made him promise earlier that he had to visit me, often. If I was going to have a child – I at least wanted it to have a grandfather like Charlie.

I flicked the light off and slowly closed the door on my childhood bedroom. On a chapter of my life. Now I had to begin a new chapter.

I smiled slightly and headed downstairs. I wasn't okay with what was happening in my life, however I knew there was nothing I could do but make the most of it.

I thought of the things I was having to give up. Alice's friendship, Edward's love, the security of having Charlie and Forks always there is I ever needed it.

But the little thing growing inside of me, my baby, was starting to grow on me. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't imagine my future now without my baby.

"Hi Charlie," I said softly once I reached the bottom of the stairs.

Charlie smiled back with a sad look on his face.

"Hey kiddo," Charlie replied. "You ready?"

I paused. I looked around the living room and then towards the kitchen.

"Yeah," I replied, "I think I am ready."

* * *

I looked at the building in front of me with trepidation. It was so large and scary looking. This was the building that was going to be responsible for alienating me from the life I had spent so long building in Forks.

Never before had I hated an airport so much.

I sent a somewhat forced smile at Charlie as he parked the cruiser in short term parking. Swallowing the lump that had started to form in my throat I opened the door and stepped out.

Charlie was suddenly by my side.

"It's going to be alright you know," he said gruffly.

I smiled again. I was so glad Charlie was here, trying to say supportive things. I knew this must have been hard for him, but he never let me see it.

We walked silently toward the gate that my flight was leaving from. I was all of a sudden glad that Charlie and I were alike in our discomfort at showing emotions.

If Charlie was going to get all choked up saying goodbye I wasn't sure that I would be able to leave. My entire being was screaming at me to turn around. Surely it would all be okay if I just stayed in Forks and raised my baby with friends and family around me?

I pushed the thought out of my head. I was not going to allow myself the luxury of such thoughts. I couldn't do that to Edward. I knew that if I were to tell Edward about the baby he would immediately drop everything he had planned and be there for me.

I wouldn't be the one to take away all the opportunities that his future could hold. A small smile formed on my lips as I remembered Edward once calling me a martyr.

"You're flight's just been called Bells," whispered Charlie in my ear.

I glanced over at the clock. I'd been lost in thought for so long that it was almost time to board the plane.

"Charlie," I started, unsure of how to convey my gratitude properly. "Charlie…" I faltered. What did you say to someone to thank them for being there for you, protecting and caring for you? I decided on a safe option.

"Thank you Charlie," I said softly, meeting his eyes.

Charlies eyes conveyed all the emotion that neither of us could voice. He just nodded as a pained smile formed on his face.

"Take care Bells, and give your Mom my love."

"I will."

There was a moment of silence then as neither of us knew what to say. I decided to quit while we were ahead and start towards the plane.

"Well, I'd best be going now."

"Okay," replied Charlie awkwardly. "I'll make sure I visit soon."

I nodded in appreciation, and headed towards my gate. I turned one last time before I was out of Charlie's earshot.

"Charlie," I ventured. He looked up expectantly. "Make sure you eat something more than pizza or microwaved soup, okay?"

Charlie chuckled softly.

"I lived alone before you came Bells, and I'm sure the good people of Forks won't let their police chief starve. Either that or I'll start spending a great deal of time at La Push. I figure if I alternate houses I can manage to get myself fed every night."

I smile, glad that Charlie could joke, no matter how badly at a time like this. Knowing that he had a plan, albeit a bad one, made getting on a plane that little bit easier.

I reasoned with myself, even if I wasn't leaving now, I would be leaving for college in a couple of months. Charlie would have to eventually fend for himself.

As I handed the stewardess my ticket, I glanced back at Charlie, tears forming in my eyes. I was finally leaving Forks forever, but I wasn't happy about it.

To think that when I first came to Forks the only thing I could think about was leaving again. Now that I had my chance, now that I had to leave, I couldn't think of anything I would want to do less.

Charlie's head was in his hands and I could see silent tears running down his cheeks. I was glad he had waited this long to cry. As hard as it was to leave Alice and Edward behind, I felt bad leaving Charlie behind. He depended on my as much as I did on him.

I steeled myself for what I was about to do and stepped through the gate of the airport. I stepped into my new life.

* * *

ALICE'S POV

I glanced at the clock in front of me for the seventh time that hour. I had been sitting here in front of the clock for a good forty-five minutes. It was 5:23pm. I had seen Bella's ticket before I had left her house this morning. Her plane was scheduled to leave this evening at 5:40pm.

15 minutes. Fifteen minutes and the girl who had been my best friend for almost six years would be leaving Forks. Leaving my life. Leaving me behind.

My bottom lip quivered. I remembered a pact we had made when we had started high school. We had promised that neither of us would ever leave the other behind.

I frowned at myself angrily as I felt a tear roll down my face. I was not going to cry. I would not cry.

5:37pm. 3 minutes. Three minutes stood between me and my best friend.

I jumped up from my chair that I had positioned directly in front of the clock and stormed toward the bureau my mother had in the sitting room.

Yanking the top drawer open I found what I was looking for. Writing paper and envelopes. Bella was not going to get away with leaving my life that easily.

I knew there was something she was hiding, something she refused to tell me. I had see a brief look of pain flash through her eyes as I had been at her house this morning.

The look had been so quick that I wasn't positive that I had even seen it, but I had to believe that I had been there.

I was going to write Bella a letter, every week until she talked to me again. Four letters a month, 52 letters a year if that was what it was going to take. I vowed silently to myself that I would not stop writing.

If my best friend was gone and I couldn't tell her what was happening in my life, I was going to write her, every week. She was going to become my new diary, whether she liked it or not. Bella Swan was going to know everything that was happening in my life, as though she had never left it.

I paused, pen hovering over paper. I took a deep breath and started to write.

_Dear Bella,_

_As I write this at 5:41pm your plane is taking off…_

* * *

EDWARD'S POV

I swung my legs out of bed. 5:35pm. I had heard Alice talking to herself earlier. I knew Bella's plane was leaving at 5:40pm.

Walking over to my chest of drawers I pulled out a fresh t-shirt and a pair of ironed pants. Pulling them on I walked towards my door.

If Bella could leave as easily as she was, then I wasn't going to dwell. Obviously what we had had meant a lot more to me than it had her, so if she wasn't going to spend time caught up, lying pathetically on her bed, then neither was I. Alice needed me.

I walked down the stairs. Mom and Dad wouldn't be home yet, but they wouldn't be far off. Mom would have gone into town to do some grocery shopping, and she would have stopped to pick up Dad from the hospital on the way home.

Emmett was off somewhere hiking through the woods that backed up to our property. He had stormed into my room this morning muttering about how if Alice, Bella and I were all going to be idiot then he was going to go and spend the day alone, with the non-crazy animals and trees.

The fact that he had said that made me think that maybe he was the crazy one.

I stopped suddenly as I walked into the sitting room. There was Alice with her back to me, sitting at a chair in front of the clock.

I felt my heart break for my little sister just watching her put herself though this. I frowned slightly as I tried to figure out what she was doing.

She was muttering to herself and writing on something. I realised quickly that she was writing a letter. A letter to Bella. I closed my eyes and willed myself to have strength.

Suddenly I heard the front door close, and Mom and Dad walked into the room laughing.

Silence abruptly came over the room.

"Edward," exclaimed Mom, her voice mirroring the shock that had appeared on Dad's face.

Alice's head whipped around, an incredulous look upon her face.

Those looks and the tone of Mom's voice made me feel even more pathetic than I had before. They had expected to stay forlorn in my room, moping for a lot longer.

I pasted a fake smile on my face.

"Hi Mom, Dad. Sorry about earlier." I hoped that Mom and Dad wouldn't pry any further than that. Mom smiled. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. They wouldn't.

Alice narrowed her eyes as she looked at me. I gulped silently. Alice might though.

"Hey sis," I said in a falsely cheerful voice. "How's it been hanging?" I cringed on the inside listening to the words leaving me mouth. How's it been hanging? Where on earth had that come from?

As Alice opened her mouth to say something Mom interrupted, shooting her a pointed look. I knew that look. She was noiselessly warning Alice not to question me. I was grateful.

I Alice shook her head slightly and conceded. I noticed the paper and pen she had been holding before were nowhere in sight. I didn't blame her. I wouldn't have wanted Mom and Dad to know if I was writing Bella either. Some things were best left unsaid and unquestioned.

"So Edward," started Dad. "I was thinking about Dartmouth."

A quick stab of pain hit me in the gut. I suppressed it immediately.

"Yeah Dad," I answered, waiting for him to proceed.

"Do you know what you're going to major in? I was thinking pre-med would be a good option for you." Dad paused, then suddenly added, "but only if you wanted to though."

I smiled inwardly. Emmett hadn't wanted to follow in Dad's footsteps, preferring to delve into business instead. He was planning on majoring in sports management.

I hadn't given much thought to my major. Pre-med didn't sound too bad, especially not with my latest epiphany. Maybe this could be my worthwhile thing to do with me life.

"I'd actually been thinking that myself Dad," I lied with a bright smile.

Dad beamed back at me. I glanced at Mom, whose expression mirrored Dad's. A look of confusion was splashed across Alice's face.

I shot Alice a small smile as I followed Mom and Dad into the kitchen, discussing the new direction of my life with Dad.

* * *

BELLA'S POV

I sat in my temporary room at Mom and Phil's house in Jacksonville. I didn't bother to unpack my things. Mom had told me as soon as I had disembarked the plane that Phil had gotten a job with the Golden Bears softball team at UC Berkeley as assistant coach.

I look at the papers Mom had left on my bed. Pamphlets and information books about UC Berkeley, and the city of Berkeley in general.

I was so thankful to both Mom and Phil. They were picking up their entire lives for me. Leaving their home for the past six years and moving to the other side of the country so that I could go to college and have Mom there to help me.

We had decided that I was going to take a year off college, so that when I started I wasn't pregnant, and I could focus on my baby when it was first born, without having to worry about school.

The room I was staying in at the moment was a guest room, decorated in the typical guest room fashion. There was a doona cover on the bed covered in pale flowers, and sedate curtains hanging in front of the one large window.

I had only two weeks here in Jacksonville before we moved to Berkeley.

I jumped slightly at a knock on my door. Taking a breath and shaking my head at how easily I had allowed myself to be startled, I called out for the person to come in.

"Hey Bells," said Mom as she opened the door to my bedroom. "How are you settling in?"

I nodded my approval and acceptance. There wasn't really much to say, it didn't really matter whether or not I was settling in well at Jacksonville as we were leaving so soon after my arrival.

I was just thankful towards Mom, Dad and Phil for all being so understanding and supporting me through this that I wouldn't have cared where I was (to an extent anyway, I would have drawn the line at being happy in Alaska, I could only just handle the cold in Forks).

"A letter came for you," sighed Mom. I felt bad, I acted so resigned at the moment that it must be hard for her.

"For me," I asked, slight shock creeping into my voice.

"It's from Alice."

"Oh."

"Bella, take the letter," pushed Mom. "You owe her that much."

I look at Mom. I knew she was right. Plus I didn't think I was strong enough to not read the letter. I had though that once I got out of Forks it would be easier to forget all that I had left behind.

It wasn't. Now that I was further away I was second guessing myself even more.

I took a breath and reached out for the letter Mom was holding out to me.

"I'll leave you alone for now," Mom replied. "Dinner is in one hour."

I nodded distractedly, all my thoughts focused on the letter in front of me. I was vaguely aware of the door closing as Mom left the room.

Flipping the envelope over I carefully opened the back. I pulled the letter out of the envelope and started to read.

_Dear Bella,_

_As I write this at 5:41pm your plane is taking off. It's hard to believe that you're actually leaving, but I suppose that everything in life has to change and move on eventually. __I was remembering just before about the pact we made when we started high school. You probably don't remember._

I stopped reading momentarily. I remembered. I remembered what Alice was talking about all too well, as though it was yesterday. I wished we could go back to that time, when everything was simple and we were happy. I turned my eyes back to the page.

_We promised each other that we would never leave the other one behind, no matter what we did, where we went. We promised we would always stay friends. I guess promised made at the start of high school are somewhat childish. I know we couldn't have stayed together forever, but we could have at least stayed friends. __I'm going to write you a letter every week. I know you probably don't want me too, and that your probably going to move on, make new friends, but you will always be my best friend, and I'm not ready to let you out of my life. __Life will go on, it has to. I'll go to college and meet new people, but I have decided that no matter what happens I will write you a letter a week. Like a diary I suppose. And I hope that one day, one day we will talk again, we will see each other again. And when that happens, at least you will know something about what is happening in my life.  
__Edward was devastated after her read the letter you dropped from your pocket that Charlie had written you. _

I quickly averted my eyes from the page. I would not cry. I would not cry.

_I think he is okay now though. He and Dad are off talking about college and majors. But I know he still misses you. I can see it in his eyes. __Sorry. I promised myself when I started writing this letter I wouldn't try and make you feel bad. That is the last I will say about Edward, he isn't the purpose behind my letters. __Anyway, this is the first of many letters you will receive from me. I just hope you will read them, and not throw them away or burn them. But that is up to you.  
__I love you B, always have and always will. I hope everything is well, and good luck with whatever it is you are doing.  
__Alice xoxo._

I put down the letter and started to cry. All the tears I had held back over the last few days burst from my eyes as water would from a dam.

* * *

RENEE'S POV

I paused, my hand held over a piece of paper, pen positioned in my hand. I knew my daughter better than she thought I did. I knew how much her friendship with Alice meant to her.

And I knew Alice. She had visited Jacksonville with Bella once or twice on the occasionally school holiday. Charlie had told me the way Bella had acted toward both Alice and Edward.

I sighed. I had every bit of sympathy for Bella, but I knew just how hurt and confused Alice and Edward would be right now.

I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, or if Bella would ever forgive me for what I was about to do, but I had to. I closed my eyes momentarily before lowering my pen to the paper.

_Dearest Alice,  
__Sorry if this letter disappoints you, it isn't from Bella.  
__This is only going to be a short letter, I don't really have any right to pry into your and Bella's relationship, and I don't know if you every want to speak to her again, or write her another letter. But on the off chance that you do, I'm going to tell you this. Bella, Phil and I are moving from Jacksonville.  
__It isn't my place to tell you where we are going, if Bella wants you to know, then she will tell you. But should you want to send her anymore letters, if you place them at Charlie's front door, he has agreed to address them and send them on to Bella, I have already spoken to him.  
__Goodbye Alice darling, and good luck with college. _

I put my pen down on the table, reading over my letter three times so as to make sure I had not given anything away that Bella would not want me to. I had not told Alice our future location, nor why Bella had left.

Satisfied, I folded the letter in half and addressed to envelope to Alice in Forks.

Bella was going to kill me.

**A/N: Yeah, Bella has finally left!! So I've actually already written the next chapter (which is five years into the future, Bella has a child, etc), BUT... as incentive to review, I will not post it until this chapter gets a certain number of reviews, and I feel with the amount of people who have Story Alerts for this story if everyone just submits a review - just a little tiny one, doesn't have to be big, can be a single line if you want! - then you should be getting the next chapter very very soon. **

**Sorry - I know it is very evil of me, but I just love getting the review alert emails, so what can you do?! Plus I have exams coming up, so I'm stressed and annoyed with life (therefore in desperate need of reviews to cheer me up!!)**

**Last chances on baby names for Bella's baby - p.s. it is going to be a girl.**

**Avery xoxo**


	7. 5 Years Later

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DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...

**A/N: So, here is chapter seven! And thank you so much for all of those who reviewed, much appreciated! I actually would have put this chapter up a little earlier, but I had a sudden bout of inspiration and felt the need to add about a thousand words, so at least now you are getting a longer chapter!!**

**Because I am about to go into my exam period, I have actually got a couple of chapters written up so that there is not a massive gap of no updates, and again with updates once I get a certain number of reviews I will update!! (I know, I am evil, but I honestly can't help it, it worked so well last time!!)**

**Once this chapter hits 30 reviews I will put up chapter eight - and since there are 65 alerts for this story I honestly don't think it will be that hard! (Yes I do realise this is possibly extortion *grins evilly*)**

**AND... as an added bonus to those who review, I will reply to every review with a little sneak peek for the next chapter, and will continue to do this for reviews every chapter - and I have some rather evil cliffhangers planned, so be warned!**

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5 YEARS LATER…

BELLA'S POV

I sat on the bench at the park watching my four year old daughter play on the swings. She looked so much like her father it had sometimes hurt to look at her. I still felt a pang of regret every now and then at the thought of Edward. He would have been a great father.

I regretted the fact that Emma would have to grow up without a father. At least I had always known Charlie, he had always been there should I ever have needed him. Emmawould never have that.

I stood up slowly, willing myself to stop thinking about Edward. It was Monday. Every Monday for the past five years a letter had arrived for me from Alice. She had only ever missed one week in the entire five years since I had last seen her. She had never told me why she had missed that week.

I had started to rely on Alice's letters. When Emma had first been born and for the months after when she wouldn't sleep through the night it had been Alice's letters that had gotten me out of bed in the morning. That one tie to my old life back in Forks had been the thing to keep me going, to help me battle the constant exhaustion of having a new baby.

I had been so annoyed with Mom when I had received a letter from Alice after we had moved to Berkeley. Straight away I had recognised my name in Alice's elegant script, and the address in Charlie's rushed scrawl.

I'd demanded an explanation from Mom, and she had confessed to writing Alice herself. It had taken a week, until the next letter from Alice had arrived for me to forgive Mom and Charlie.

"Em," I called out across the playground as I made my way to the swings. She looked up at me with her deep golden eyes, a trait she had most definitely gotten from Edward, and waited for me to get to her.

Once I had made it to the swings she beamed up at me with a smile only a four year old would be capable of and giggled.

"Upie Mommy, Upie," she sang in a melodic voice as she held her arms up towards me, indicated she wanted to be lifted into my arms.

My heart melted every time I saw her. I'd never thought it were possible to love one person this much, but Emma had proven me wrong.

I lifted my baby girl into my arms and tweaked her nose, causing her to start giggling again.

Emma looked at me with a curious look.

"Home time?" She asked innocently.

"Yeah baby," I replied, "time to go home. Are you hungry? It's almost dinner time."

"Dinner, yummy," giggled Emma, clapping her hands together.

I smiled and we headed towards my car.

* * *

I placed a plate of food in front of Emma and turned to stare at the letter that was sitting on the kitchen cupboard.

I was itching to open it, but I knew I would better appreciate the letter if I waited until I'd bathed Emma and put her to bed.

I turned back towards the kitchen so as to do the dishes as Emma ate her dinner.

Emma and I had lived in LA for a couple of months now. After I had graduated from UC Berkeley last year we had moved to LA, where I had gotten a job at the LA Daily News as a journalist.

I had ended up majoring I journalism, and loving every minute of it. I had only been at my job for a couple of months so far, but everyone in the office knew about Emma, and were incredibly supportive and helpful.

The LA Daily News was perfect for me at this stage of my life. It was an established paper with a decent circulation, but not nearly as big as the LA Times. A good paper, but without as much pressure, giving me more time to spend with Emma..

A close friend of mine from UC Berkeley also lived in LA, having moved there the previous year, and was like an aunt to Emma. Steph was my first friend in Berkeley, I met her in the year before I had started college.

I was sitting at a coffee shop, 8 months pregnant, gazing longingly at the menu on the wall. I had been going to that particular coffee shop everyday since we had moved to Berkeley, grudgingly drinking hot chocolate or tea instead of coffee.

The owner knew me by name, and it was nice to go in and chat for a while, even without coffee.

A tall blonde had flown into the coffee shop in a frenzy demanding coffee. At first I had been shocked, and looked over at the owner to gauge his reaction. To my surprise her just laughed at her antics.

Winking he told me that he had known the girl, who he called Steph, for years and explained her, somewhat unhealthy in his eyes, coffee addiction. He had added as an afterthought that he though we would probably get along famously and introduced us.

I was slightly put off at first, and wondered as to why the owner of the coffee shop, who I thought knew me so well, thought I would get along with someone like her. She looked as though she was at college simply to get an MRS degree.

As far as I was concerned Steph was a walking contradiction. Tall, thin, blonde hair, she had grown up in a wealthy seaside town in California. At first glance she was your typical rich, blonde bimbo.

Steph hadn't really given me the option of not getting to know her though, and for that I was eternally grateful. As soon as we had been introduced and she had obtained her rather large and wonderful smelling coffee she sat down and continued to chat manically. After only a few minutes I realised just how wrong I had been with my first impression of her.

Even though she love fashion, and adored shoes, Steph actually had a brain in her head, something I had not at all been expecting.

When I met Steph she had just started grad school. It had been her dream to be a lawyer since she had been a little girl.

But the best thing was that she didn't judge me at all. I'm not sure I wouldn't have judged me if I had been in Steph's shoes. Eighteen and eight months pregnant. But Steph talked to me as though it was nothing unusual, and even started asking questions after a while.

I knew it was a cliché but we had been friends ever since.

I shook myself out of my daydreams and turned back towards Emma just as she was popping her last fish finger into her mouth.

"All done Mommy," she called out.

There wasn't a day that went past that I wasn't thankful for my baby girl. I knew I might be a little biased, but she was the best kid in the world. She was always happy and smiling, and I was glad.

"Okay possum," I replied, calling Emma by her pet name. "Ready for a bath?"

Emma nodded and brought her plate over to the kitchen counter.

I pulled my hands out of the soapy water and dried them on a towel. With that I held out my hand for Emma's and together we walked upstairs towards the bathroom.

* * *

I was halfway through giving Emma her nightly bath when I noticed the bruise. It was the size and shape of a four leaf clover and sat right in the middle of her back between her shoulder blades.

I tried to rub it off, assuming it was dirt, without success. I frowned, trying to think of where such a bruise would have come from.

"You have a bruise here possum," I said, touching her back lightly so as not to put pressure on the bruise. "Does it hurt?" I asked her.

She stared up at me with her golden eyes and shook her head. Looking into Emma's eyes was like looking straight into Edward's. They had identical eyes and facial features; sharp yet delicate.

I shook my head, laughing inwardly. Emma was an energetic three year old. A bruise was not something to worry about. I could think of a million reasons right there and then as to where and why Emma had gotten the bruise.

I lifted Emma from the bathtub and knelt down to dry her off with a towel. I tweaked her nose and she giggled, quelling any lingering thoughts I had over the bruise.

"You can't catch me Mommy," she yelled suddenly and took off in the direction of her bedroom.

I smiled and stood up, slowly following her.

"I wonder where on earth Emma could have gone?" I called out as I walked down the corridor. Emma and I live in a two room apartment in LA, so there weren't too many places she could be hiding, and I was fairly certain she had gone into her room.

I heard a giggle come from Emma's room, confirming my suspicions as to where my four year old had disappeared to.

"Where could she be?" I wondered aloud as I walked into her room. I spotted a head of brown hair on the other side of the Disney princess themed bed.

"Hmmm," I said loudly. "I wonder…"

With that I walked to the other side of the bed and scooped a hysterically giggling Emma into my arms.

I carried Emma over to her chest of drawers and placed her on the ground.

"So Ems," I started. "Which pyjamas are we going to put on tonight?"

Even before I asked the question I knew which pyjamas she would choose.

"Tiger Mommy," she said as she attempted to rolled her eyes.

It took all my will power not to start laughing. Where on earth had my four year old learnt to roll her eyes? I knew exactly where she had learnt it from after a moment's thought, and had every intention of giving Steph a piece of my mind.

"Of course, silly Mommy," I replied.

I opened the top drawer and pulled out Emma's favourite pair of pyjamas. They were a bright orange pair whose design had first been introduced two Christmases ago by Charlie. The top had a picture of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh and the words 'Let's Bounce' and the arms and legs had tiger-esque stripes across them.

This pair were not the original pair, although I still had them. Emma had grown out of them eventually, and I'd had to go to three different stores in order to find the same pair of pyjamas, since Emma refused to sleep without them.

I remembered that night like it was yesterday. Luckily it wasn't too long after Christmas, only a few months since Emma was growing so quickly, therefore I was able to find the same pyjamas.

It had taken me 45 minutes to convince Emma to sleep in other pyjamas if I promised to search for more the next day.

Once I found them I bought three pairs in increasing sizes, and hoped by the time the third set became too small Emma had grown out of her attachment to them.

After Emma had climbed into bed I read her a bedtime story and kissed her forehead.

"Night possum, I love you," I called softly from the door as I switched off the light.

"Night Mommy," replied Emma, in a soft sleepy voice.

I closed the door softly behind me and made my way downstairs.

* * *

Walking into the kitchen I pulled out two wine glasses a bottle of shiraz. Steph came over most nights, unless one of us had something important on.

I glanced at the clock. 7pm. Steph would usually get here at 7pm, but not on Monday nights. Steph knew everything about Forks, Alice, Edward, everything that had happened and the whole story behind Emma.

_**Flashback**_

"_So Bella," said Steph from next to me. "What are you going to name the little one?"_

_It was a warm day, although so were most in California, so Steph and I were having a picnic in a nearby park. I was so pregnant that I was convinced that I looked as though I was about to pop. It had been almost a month since I had met Steph, making it almost my due date._

"_I don't know," I answered honestly. We both knew it was going to be a girl, I wasn't patient enough to wait until my baby was born to see what sex it was. "Something starting with E, that much I have decided, but I'm kinda stuck from there in. Oh, and nothing weird, I want a normal name." I added at the end. I refused to be one of those mothers who named their children 'unique' names, it was just too strange, and think of how the poor kid would feel when they were old enough to go to school._

_Steph looked at me with appraising eyes._

"_E?" she asked quietly. "Because of him?"_

_Steph knew Edward's name, but I hadn't told her much else. _

"_Because of Edward, yes," I replied. I made the decision to tell Steph everything about Forks._

"_So you know I lived in Forks for high school," I began._

"_Bella," Steph interrupted, "you don't have to tell me any of this if you don't want to."_

_I shrugged and smiled._

"_I want to, plus it will be nice to be able to talk about it with someone. I mean, my Mom and Phil know obviously, but I don't think I'd ever really be able to talk about it with either of them."_

_I smiled at the thought of discussing the details on how I became pregnant with Mom. Renee was fairly cool as far as mothers go, but I thought that might be pushing it, even for her._

"_Alice Cullen was my best friend for years, and Edward her brother," I began again, and for the next two hours regaled the entire story to Steph. How I met Alice, when I first met Edward, our first kiss, Alice locking us in a cupboard, everything. _

_Steph listened quietly, occasionally asking a question to clarify something._

_When I had finally finished talking, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders that I hadn't known was there._

"_How about Emma," asked Steph suddenly, after two minutes of silence. _

"_Emma?" I asked, considering the name._

"_Yeah," said Steph, "starts with an E, and is nice and normal, yet cute."_

"_Emma," I repeated, testing the sound of the name. I liked how it rolled over my tongue. "I like it." Directing my voice to my stomach I asked the question again._

"_What do you think baby? Do you like Emma?" All of a sudden my eyes widened. Steph looked at me with an eyebrow raised._

"_Bella?" She asked hesitantly._

"_I think she likes the name," I whispered._

"_How?" Asked Steph, obviously confused._

"_My water just broke," I replied in a state of shock._

_**End Flashback**_

Emma's bedtime was always 7pm, so on Monday nights, because she knew it was the day Alice's letter always arrived that day, Steph waited until 7:30pm to turn up on my door, so that we could dissect what she always called a 'horrendous' day at the office and anything that had been happening in mine or Alice's life.

She always joked that she felt she knew Alice as well as anyone now, even though she had never actually met her.

Leaving the unopened bottle of wine and the glasses on the kitchen counter, I picked up Alice's letter and walked towards the couch.

By the time I had finished reading and rereading the letter it was 7:30pm. I smiled as I heard a knock on the door, knowing it would be Steph.

"B," called Steph in an exaggerated whisper when I opened the door.

I smiled at my friend antics and motioned for her to come in.

"Hey Steph," I replied, my voice at it's normal level. I knew that Steph would have yelled her nickname for me had Emma not been upstairs and asleep.

"Wine?" I asked her as we walked into the apartment.

"Gods, yes," replied Steph. "Longest day of my life."

I giggled. Steph had a flair for the dramatics, but I knew she loved her job.

After I had poured two generous glassed of wine we headed to the couch.

"So," started Steph, "Alice?"

"Not up to too much. Jasper apparently asked her out the other day, at long last. A lot of this week's letter was devoted to that."

I shrugged my shoulders. At times I wished I could write Alice back, but how could I send Alice a letter, and tell her about my life without mentioning the niece she knew nothing about?

"Oh, finally," grinned Steph. For months now Alice's letters had mentioned the boy she like but didn't have to nerve to ask out. That alone had told me how much Alice liked this boy. Nothing scared Alice Cullen.

My smile faltered at this thought. Nothing use to scare Alice. I wondered if she had changed much.

Steph caught my look and swiftly changed the subject.

"Okay, worst case of the day," she started.

I smiled. This was a game we had played every night she came over since Emma and I had moved to LA.

"Noise complaint on a yacht."

"Noise complaint on a yacht?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep, you heard me right, noise complaint on a yacht."

I shook my head. Some of Steph's clients really baffled me. Steph worked for a very expensive and prestigious law firm, and therefore tended to have very rich clients, often with very mockable lawsuits.

* * *

Steph and I talked until 9pm, when we finally decided it was time to call it a night. Although I had Tuesday's off from work, Steph still had to be at the office bright and early, and tomorrow she had a particularly early morning due a to a conference call or something.

I locked the door behind Steph and made my way across the apartment to my study. Turning on my computer I opened the word document containing the story I was currently working on for my editor.

I pushed all thoughts of the future and the past from my mind as I started to type, losing myself in my work.

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**A/N: So I hope everyone liked that chapter, it was a little harder to write than I thought it would be, mainly because it is somewhat of a filler chapter, but a necessary one so it had to be written (much to my displeasure I know that I am not really able to jump straight ahead to my twist without explaining SOME of Bella and Emma's lives!**

**Please review... you know you want to!! (Just remember my promise of a sneak peek into chapter eight!!)**


	8. Doctors Appointment

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing_**

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BELLA'S POV

I woke the next morning with a start when I heard my alarm clock. It wasn't very often that I woke to my alarm clock on a Tuesday. Since Tuesday was my day off and there was nowhere that either Emma or myself had to be, I usually set my alarm clock for 9:30am.

It was very rare though that I would ever get to actually sleep to 9:30am since Emma would often bound into my room around 7am, effectively waking me from my sleep.

Frowning, I pushed back my covers and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I couldn't hear any noise in the apartment. I walked over to my closet and pulled out a pair pants and a simple yet bright t-shirt. Pulling the clothes on I listened for Emma again.

I walked towards Emma's room, wondering where she would be. As I stuck my head in another frown crossed my face. Emma was asleep.

Emma was like a natural alarm clock. I remembered that she had been so tried last night, instead of begging me for a second bedtime story, she had been almost asleep by the time I made it to the bedroom door.

I shook Emma's shoulder, wondering to myself if I should make her a doctors appointment. We didn't have a regular doctor yet, but I could ask Steph.

Emma rolled over and smiled sleepily at me.

"Morning Mommy," she yawned.

"Morning Em," I replied. "Lets get you us and dressed shall we?"

Emma nodded, agreeing, and rolled out of bed. I walked over to my daughter's chest of drawers and picked out a short sleeved t-shirt and a cute overalls dress that Steph had gotten her not long ago.

Once Emma was out of bed and standing on two feet I pulled her pyjama top over her head and helped her take off her pyjama pants. Just before I pulled the t-shirt I had chosen over her head Emma whipped around to grab something off her bed to show me.

I saw the bruise I had noticed last night at bath time. Now it was larger, and accompanied by a string of similar sized bruises travelling down the centre of her back like a line of amethysts.

My eyes widened. I decided that the doctor's appointment was a good idea. Dressing Emma I quickly walked down stairs to call Steph. I crossed my fingers that she would not be in a meeting as I dialled the all too familiar number.

"B how are you," an exuberant Steph called over the phone.

"I'm okay thanks Steph. Look I'm sorry to bother you at work, but do you know the numbers for any good doctors in the area? I noticed some bruises on Em's back last night and again this morning and I just want to get her checked out."

"Sure thing, there is a really good paediatrician not far from you, I'll just get Imajane to grab you the number."

I waited while Steph called through to her assistant, Imajane, to find the number for the paediatrician she had referred to.

"You still there B?" Asked Steph as she came back onto the line.

"Yeah."

"I don't think bruises would be something to be overly concerned about, I mean Em is a very active four year old. By all means go and get her checked out, but don't get yourself too worked up okay?"

"Yeah, I know Steph, and that is what I thought to myself last night when I noticed the first bruise. But now there are more, I dunno, it's hard to explain. They aren't random like bruises should be, you know? They are in a straight line, I can't explain it. They don't look like natural bruises, I just want to get her tested. Kids her age can get anaemia right? Maybe she just doesn't have enough iron in her diet, I just want to know so I can fix whatever it is."

"Of course you do," replied Steph supportively. "Listen, I have no idea what is taking Imajane so long to find the number, but I'm going to go and check on her. I'll text it to you when I get it okay? Bout five minutes."

I thanked Steph vehemently and hung up. I looked over at Emma, who was playing happily in the corner of the room. I knew Steph was right, I shouldn't worry too much, but I couldn't help it. Emma was my entire life.

I snapped out of my daze as my cell phone buzzed on the table. Checking my messages, I dialled the number Steph had sent me and made an appointment. Luckily the practice had had a last minute cancellation. The receptionist told me that if we got down there in 15 minutes the doctor would be able to fit us in.

I listened as she explained the location of the practice to me, formulating directions in my head. As soon as the lady hung up the phone I bundled Emma into the car and drove towards the practice. I knew the street it was on, so it didn't take me long at all the get there.

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"So it's nothing serious right?" I asked the doctor nervously. I didn't like being in this doctors office with my baby.

"It could be a virus, or it could be a deficiency. Or it could be something else entirely. Or even nothing. I'm not sure just yet. I'd like to take some blood and run some tests," replied the doctor, lowering his stethoscope from Emma's chest.

I nodded my approval quickly.

The doctor turned towards Emma.

"We just have to take a little bit of blood Emma, just a small needle."

I cringed as he mentioned needles. Emma had not had a great deal of experience with needles, but what kid liked being poked by sharp pointy bits of metal?

Emma turned to me, her golden eyes wide.

"Needle?" She shrieked. "Ouch?"

I looked at my daughter. I looked into her trusting eyes and my heart broke. I was meant to take care of her, protect her, and now she had to have needles stuck into her.

"Only a small one," I promised her.

The nurse entered the room with a tray of vials and needles.

"Okay sweetie," she said softly to Emma, "I need you to just hold still for me for just one moment, okay?"

Emma nodded with a frightened look on her face. I swallowed a lump that had been forming in my throat. I wished right now that I could be the one lying on the doctor's table with a nurse strapping a rubber tourniquet to my arm. Anything to prevent Emma from having to go through it.

I held Emma's hand and watched her struggle against the nurse as she broke my daughter's soft fragile skin with the needle. No blood flowed into the vial. I saw tear tracks running down Emma's face and summoned all my willpower not to break down myself.

"Ems, honey," I started in what I hoped was a soft, soothing voice. "Mommy's here, it's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

"Sorry about that sweets," said the nurse to Emma, "but we'll have to try again."

Emma glanced at me terrified. Fresh tears made their way down her cheeks. It took the nurse four tries to get enough blood to fill all the vials she needed. Emma struggled through the first two needles, but by the third had gone limp.

I preferred the struggling. Watching my baby lie there, limp as though she had no life left in her was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.

**

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"Isabella," called the doctor as he re-entered the room after the nurse had left with the bloods. "If you don't mind, I'll have you and Emma wait out in the waiting room for the test results."

An instant flood of fear swept through my body. We had to wait for the results right now? Surely that meant something bad.

The doctor must have seen the look of panic that graced my features.

"Don't worry," he started. "We generally have most people wait for the test results. When dealing with children we prefer to be a quick and thorough as possible. This way, as soon as we get the results back, if there is something wrong, such as a bacterial infection or anaemia, we can start treatment straight away. With children it is best not to wait."

I nodded mutely. The doctor had a point. I tried to sit calmly in the waiting room. I tried not to let fear and panic instil itself into me, the doctor was a renowned paediatrician in LA, I had only managed to get an appointment by mentioning Steph's name and the law firm she worked for, and because there had just been a cancellation.

Emma and I waited an hour and a half before the results came back in. During this time I watched Emma as she played with the toys in the corner of the room. I wondered vaguely how many germs were on those toys, how many sick children had come through, playing with them as they waited.

I prayed that Emma wasn't one of those sick children – she looked too healthy.

The doctor, whose name I had by now forgotten in my anxiety over Emma, summoned us to his office eventually. I wanted so badly for him to tell me to take my baby home, put her in bed and make sure she take's it easy for the next few days. To maybe wave a prescription at me and tell me it would make everything better.

He didn't.

"There were a few problems with Emma's tests," he said calmly.

I stared incredulously at him. How the hell could he be so calm when he was telling me there was something, anything wrong with my baby girl?

"Specifically her white blood cell count," he continued.

White blood cells, white blood cells, what on earth did white blood cells do? I cursed myself for majoring in journalism instead of opting for pre-med.

"It's much lower than it should be."

I started to panic on the inside. Outwardly I just sat there, numb. It was as though my brain was not communicating with the rest of my body. Inside I was flying into a mad panic, but outside I was sitting, still, in front of the doctor, hoping, wishing, he would continue to explain things to me.

Wishing he would say there is a perfectly good, not too serious explanation for this.

"What does that mean?" I asked when my body finally caught up with my brain. He had been silent for too long, maybe seeing how I would react. I was starting to remember what white blood cells did, something about them being the bodies 'protectors'. Anything wrong with white blood cells couldn't be anything good.

"She could have some kind of autoimmune deficiency, or it could simply be a lab error made by a technician. I'd like to send her to the Children's Hospital for a haematologist to run some more tests, just to be certain."

"Autoimmune?" I asked in shock. "As in AIDS?"

The doctor looked at me with a kind and understanding look on his face.

"There are many different types of autoimmune deficiencies, some more common in children. AIDS is not one of the ones common in children."

I nodded mutely, again. My brain was screaming, you have to be kidding, but my mouth was silent as my hand reached out to take the piece of paper the doctor was holding.

It wasn't a prescription as I had hoped before, but a name and referral. _Dr. James Allcott. Children's Hospital Los Angeles, Haematology/Oncology._

"Oncology," I announced in dread, "but isn't oncology cancer? Oncology is cancer."

I sat there looking at the doctor, waiting for him to assure me that haematology and oncology simply shared a floor, that the names together were simply coincidence.

He didn't.

**

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**

A/N: Just one little thing I feel the need to add to the disclaimer, that I refused to add before people had read the last part of this chapter. Some of you may have noticed that I changed the disclaimer to I own nothing, as oppose to I do not own Twilight, because until now I have refused to write the following, because I did not want to give away the plot – I do not own the book, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. When looking at symptoms and the possibility of diagnosing Emma with cancer I have looked to this book as a reference point, because I want to keep it as real as possible. Those who have read the book will very possibly notice similarities in this chapter and possibly in the next couple of chapters, I just don't want to make anything up about the possible diagnosis. That being said; to see whether she actually has cancer or not – well, you'll just have to wait for the next chapter!!

**Amazing book though – I really do suggest people read it – or anything by Jodi Picoult. She has to be one of my favourite authors, EVER!! All her books deal with a different controversial issue, and they are all amazingly well written! (Hence my choosing her book to use as a reference point!)**

**Looking forward to your reviews on this chapter! You know the drill – review and I'll update! (sneak peeks for those who review!)**

**A/N 2: To all of you who I may have mentioned that chapter ten was going to be in Edward's POV - no longer true. Chapter eleven will possibly in Edward's POV instead. BUT... Edward will appear in chapter ten!**

**Avery xoxo**


	9. Abnormal Results

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...**_

**A/N: OMG... so I gave in yesterday - abandoned my studies - AND THEN - as I tried to upload this chapter, the website would not let me!!! I kept getting error reports! Oh well, you would have gotten this chapter yesterday, but at least you have it now!! Thanks to all those who reviewed!**

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BELLA'S POV

I sat in the chair opposite the paediatrician's desk in shock. Why wasn't he telling me that the haematology and oncology departments of the hospital simply shared a floor, or a wing, or an anything.

Why wasn't he reassuring me like I wanted him to?

**

* * *

**

After I buckled Emma into her car seat I called Steph as I stood outside the car. He cell phone diverted through to her secretary, meaning she was in a meeting.

"Imajane," I said calmly. "Where is Steph."

"Hi Bella," answered Imajane. Imajane knew who I was, Steph and I would often go out for lunch during our lunch breaks. "Steph is just in a meeting at the moment. It should be finishing soon, I think they are just wrapping some things up. Did you want me to get her to call you back?"

I paused for a moment. I felt bad calling Steph away from work, but I needed my best friend. Mom and Phil were in Europe for a holiday, Charlie was in Forks, and Steph was really all I had in LA.

"Get her to call me on her way to the Children's Hospital, tell her it's urgent and I need her there," I said decidedly. "Oh, and we are seeing Dr. Allcott, she might need to know to find us," I added as an afterthought.

"Okay," replied Imajane, her voice faltering. I could tell she was contemplating asking me what was wrong. I cut her off, knowing I wouldn't be able to answer that question.

"Goodbye Imajane."

Then I hung up and got into my car, looking at Emma in the rear-view mirror, the picture of health and peace. I let a lone tear travel down my cheek as my throat swelled shut.

**

* * *

**

I stopped out front of the hospital and stared at the building. It was so large and imposing. I looked at Emma, the complete opposite. She looked so small and fragile. Surely the doctor was wrong in his suspicions. I started to wonder how long he had been practicing, and whether he really knew what he was talking about.

Taking a deep breath I walked into the front reception area of the hospital and asked for the Haematology/Oncology wing, my voice breaking at the word oncology.

The lady behind the desk look at me with pity in her eyes as she printed me off a visitors badge, which I was told must be worn at all times, and a map of how to get to the haematology-oncology clinic. I took the map from her mutely, nodding my appreciation. She seemed to understand.

I walked away from the desk, before I realised I hadn't yet looked at the map sitting in my hands. Glancing down at the map, I saw I had been given a map of the outpatient tower. Looking at my surroundings, I finally found a sign pointing me toward the ambulatory outpatient tower.

Once I reached the lifts at the bottom of the tower I consulted my map again. This would work for me. One step at a time. What was the saying they had about dealing with seemingly overwhelming things? That's right, if you focus on sandbagging the beach, you can ignore the approaching tsunami. Try to do it the other way around and you'll send yourself crazy. It seemed fitting right now.

The haematology-oncology clinic was on the fifth floor, the same side as admitting was. It wasn't hard to find. I stood outside the door, staring at the words imprinted on it. Surely I was having a nightmare right now. This couldn't be real. These type of things didn't happen to me, or people I knew. These were the horror stories you heard every now and then, and you showed your pity for the person involved, all the while thanking God it wasn't your child.

I was now a horror story to be told to other mother at day-care while they held their own, healthy, children close.

I felt a light touch against my right shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Asked a nurse with kind eyes.

"I, well," I faltered. What was I meant to say. There was no way I was okay, but I wasn't all too sure how to tell the friendly nurse that.

She glanced at Emma, sleeping in my arms and shot me a look of pity. I swear, I had gotten more looks of pity so far today than I had gotten my entire life.

"Come with me," replied the nurse, "it's a lot easier if you don't have to walk through the doors by yourself."

I looked at the nurse, and for what felt like the millionth time that day, felt my throat swell shut. I nodded once again my appreciation. People were being so kind to me and Emma today, that I wasn't quite sure how to deal. I could really only be strong so long as people didn't ask me if I was okay.

I stood motionless by the reception desk for the haematology-oncology clinic as the nurse I had walked in with talked softly to the lady behind the counter. Mutely, I held out the form I had been given at the front reception when the nurse looked at me.

After a couple more minutes, the paper work was apparently sorted, and the nurse, whose name I had found out was Betty, was leading me toward a waiting room further in the clinic.

"Just wait here for a moment, okay Isabella?" She told me hesitantly. I could tell she wasn't sure if leaving me was the best option. I decided to suck it up and be brave, if only for Emma's sake. My falling apart here would do Emma no good.

"It is okay. Thank you very much for your help," I replied with a slight smile. As an afterthought I added, "and it's Bella, please."

The nurse looked at me with kind eyes once again.

"Well, I'd like to say I'll see you around, but it would be best if I didn't, so good luck, and I hope I don't see you and your little one again."

I smiled slightly as the nurse walked away. I was starting to have few doubts that I was see her again – with every passing minute that I spent in the hospital it was becoming harder and harder to believe that there had been a mistake, and that Emma really only had a cold which needed only bed rest and lots of orange juice.

"Emma Swan," called a voice from across the waiting room. I glanced up quickly. I had been expecting to wait for at least half and hour, but I don't think I had even been sitting ten minutes when Emma's name was called.

I took a deep breath, what felt like my millionth for the day, and walked towards the doctor.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Allcott."

"Bella," I said in a shaky voice.

**

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**

Two hours later and any doubts that I still had that the doctors had made a mistake and Emma was fine were all but banished from my mind.

I had been sent back out to the waiting room to wait for the results of the numerous tests they had been running on my baby. Emma was sitting in the corner of the room with another nurse, colouring something. I walked over to them.

"Excuse me," I said softly to the nurse with Emma.

She turned and smiled at me.

"Is there somewhere I can turn on my cell to check my messages?" I continued.

"Of course," replied the nurse and proceeded to give me directions. "I'll stay with Emma until you get back if you would like."

I faltered momentarily. I didn't want to leave her side for even a moment, but I knew she would be happier here colouring with the nurse than wandering around outside with me so I could check my voice-mail.

"Thank-you," I said sincerely.

"It's okay," she replied. "I'm Donna."

"Bella."

"See you soon Bella."

I nodded and walked off, following the directions I had been given.

When I got outside I switched on my phone, praying for a message from Steph. There was one waiting for me.

"Bella, it's Steph. My God, the hospital, is everything okay? Imajane only just told me, my meeting went for another hour after you called, and she didn't think to interrupt to tell me – but I'm on my way right now, I'm running out of the building as I speak. Stay strong hon, I'll be there as soon as possible."

A wave of relief washed over me knowing that Steph was coming. I considered calling Charlie, or Mom and Phil, but I knew that there was nothing they could do, and I didn't want to worry anyone until I knew something. Mom and Phil weren't even in the country and Charlie was at the opposite end of the country.

Switching my phone off, I walked back into the haematology-oncology clinic. Emma was still sitting at the small table, Donna and another man I had not seen before were standing next to her, talking softly. I walked over to them.

"Thank-you Donna, I really appreciate it."

"No problem Bella, this is Dr. Michaels.

"Bella," I replied, introducing myself.

"He's going to take Emma for a bone marrow aspiration," continued Donna.

I knew a panicked look must have flown onto my face because Dr. Michaels started to reassure me.

"For any diagnosis of leukaemia a bone marrow aspiration has to be done, it provides conclusive proof of the disease."

"Proof?" I whispered, mainly to myself. So much for my belief that this was a big mistake.

"Dr. Allcott will talk to you know, explain everything to you, test results, all that we have so far."

"Now?" I asked, starting to panic again. I couldn't leave Emma, I couldn't have her go off and have tests done in a strange hospital without being right there with her, she would be terrified.

It was times like these that I regretted more than anything being a single parent. It was Donna who spoke next.

"We will sedate Emma to do the bone marrow aspiration – so she won't be awake while it is happening, it won't hurt her. Because of the anaesthetic we will be going into one of the operating rooms, only patients and medical staff are allowed in. Dr. Allcott wanted to use this time to talk to you instead." She looked at me with a sympathetic look on her face. "I know it isn't much of a consolation, but I promise I'll be there with Emma the entire time, you'll be able to see her as soon as she is in a recovery room."

I nodded slowly, turning towards Emma.

"Hey possum," I started. She turned and looked at me, a smile on her face. It broke my heart again. "I have to go and talk to Dr. Allcott for a moment, do you remember him?" Emma nodded. "Donna is going to go with you, and you're just going to have a bit of a sleep, okay? I'll be back with you as soon as I can be."

Emma look from me to Donna, her eyes wide. Donna gave her a reassuring look and slowly Emma nodded.

"O-tay Mommy," she replied in a soft voice.

"Look Emma," said Donna all of a sudden, producing a wheelchair from behind her. "Do you want to ride up front in this?"

Emma look at me for approval, her eyes dancing. To her the wheelchair was not an indication of sickness, but a cool new toy. I nodded silently, my throat having swelled shut again.

"Yeah," said Emma enthusiastically as she jump up and bounced towards the wheelchair.

"I'll see you soon possum," I told her, kissing the top of her head. Emma nodded distractedly, he thoughts preoccupied with the wheelchair.

"Forward Donna, forward," she called, giggling.

"I'll catch up with you Donna," said Dr. Michaels. Turning his attention back to me he started to talk again. "Come on Bella, I'll walk you to Dr. Allcott's office."

I sent him a grateful look and we started towards Dr. Allcott's office.

**

* * *

**

"Bella," started Dr. Allcott once I had taken a seat and Dr. Michaels had left to go find Emma and Donna. "Emma's test results have come back with some abnormal results."

No, really, I thought to myself, sarcasm evident in my head. I silently scolded myself. Getting frustrated with the doctor was going to do me no good at all.

"Emma's white blood cell count is particularly disturbing – 5.2. This means that in Emma's body there are 52,000 white blood cells per cubic millilitre of blood. Normal white blood cell counts for children Emma's age are usually in the range of 5,000 to 15,000 cells per cubic millimetre. Emma is also presenting with 13% blasts, which…"

All of a sudden a loud noise outside the room interrupted Dr. Allcott. A slight frown crossed his face as he tried to figure out what was going on outside his door.

I could vaguely hear arguing, though it was getting easier to hear as the people got closer to the room. Suddenly the door swung open and revealed the lady from the haematology-oncology clinic reception desk, looking rather flustered and annoyed.

"Dr. Allcott, I am sorry," she started in an irritated tone, "but there is a rather rude lady out here demanding that she see you. I tried to stop her, I really did."

"Oh save it," came a familiar voice from just out of sight. "My best friend and her daughter are here and since you wouldn't tell me where they were, I took matters into my own hands."

I felt a wave of emotion engulf me as I recognised Steph's voice.

"Bella, I came as quickly as I could. What are you doing in the oncology clinic? Where's Emma? Is she okay?"

Had I not been almost at the point of a complete emotional breakdown I probably would have laughed at the amount of questions Steph had shot at me, asking the next before receiving an answer to the previous.

"I don't know. Steph, this is Dr. Allcott. Dr. Allcott, this is my best friend Steph," I said softly as I dropped my head to look at my lap. I felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find Dr. Allcott there, not Steph as I had been expecting.

"Bella, you're doing extremely well given everything you and Emma have been through today."

I nodded, not really believing him.

"Where is Emma?" Steph asked again, in a less demanding voice.

"Tests," I muttered. "Dr. Allcott was just explaining some things to me."

"Shoot, I'm sorry B, I'll just be outside in the waiting room."

"I have a better idea," said Dr. Allcott. "Steph, why don't you head to the recovery room that Emma will return to after they are finished with the tests? Bella, I know you were anxious about Emma being alone, this way, on the off chance that she beats you back to the recovery room, there is someone familiar there waiting for her."

I sent a grateful look at Dr. Allcott. He was more perceptive than I had originally given him credit for.

"Yes please Steph," I said.

Steph nodded and turned to the receptionist.

"I do apologise for earlier – the shock of finding my best friend and the girl I see as my niece in the oncology wing made me rather abrupt. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Would you please be able to show me the recovery room that was mentioned?"

I almost laughed, but managed to stop myself in time. I felt guilty even thinking about laughing at a time like this, but Steph had a way of turning people into putty for her moulding.

After they left, on slightly better terms than they had entered in, Dr. Allcott resumed his explanation of me.

"As I was saying before, a white blood cell count of 5.1 and 13% blasts suggests a leukemic syndrome."

"Leukemic" I repeated to myself. I knew nothing about leukaemia, but I did know that it wasn't good. I wasn't aware of the survival rates, but they didn't seem to be leaning in Emma's favour at the moment. I had only known my daughter for four years. I had given up so much to have her and give her the life she deserved. Was the universe going to be so cruel now as to take her from me?

"Leukaemia is a cancer of the blood. White blood cells are released from the bone marrow into the blood stream before they are fully formed, meaning they can not sufficiently do their job. The bone marrow aspiration they are doing at the moment should confirm this, but at this stage it looks as though Emma has acute lymphocytic leukaemia."

Confirm this? I didn't want this confirmed. Not one little bit. Acute lymphocytic leukaemia. ALL. It sounded so threatening. So, cold. Dr. Allcott continued.

"ALL is sometimes referred to a acute lymphoblastic leukaemia as well, just so you know they are the same thing."

I nodded, hoping to relay to him that even though I may have looked like a stone statue, I was in fact absorbing the information we was pumping into my head.

"ALL is the most common sub-group of leukaemia in children, and has quite a high 5 year survival rate with immediate treatment."

5 year survival rate. I didn't want just 5 more years with my baby. I wanted more than 5 years. I wanted to be able to see her start her first day of primary school, of high school. I wanted to send her off to her prom, watch her fall in love. These were all things that Dr. Allcott was now insinuating that I possibly wouldn't get to do.

"Treatment?" I asked. "What is the survival rate? I need numbers. Numbers are logical."

Dr. Allcott looked at me compassionately before answering my questions.

"The 5 year survival rate for children with ALL is 60%, very high in regards to leukaemia. Lymphocytic leukaemias have higher survival rates than myeloid leukaemias. After five years this survival rate drops to 45%. But you have to understand Bella, that for leukaemia, these are still very good odds."

I stared at him. Very good odds would be if you didn't have leukaemia to begin with.

"Children beat the odds every day, you have to understand that Bella. ALL is not a chemo resistant leukaemia, so provided Emma's organs hold up, hypothetically, we can continually put her back in remission if or when she relapses."

"If or when?"

"There are risk factors associated with ALL which make the possibility of a relapse higher. A white blood cell count above 50,000 um is one of those risk factors. We will monitor her as we start treatment, and we can then see if she falls into the category of any of the other risk factors."

"So what treatment do we start then? And when do we need to start it?"

"Emma will start chemotherapy as soon as possible. Hopefully it will kill of most of the diseased cells. But you have to understand, say Emma's body has 100 billion leukaemia cells floating around, just as an example. Chemo could knock out 99% of the disease, but then there are still 100 million leukaemia cells left in the body. Given time these can multiply again and eventually cause a relapse."

"100 billion," I repeat incredulously.

"Just an example Bella," replied Dr. Allcott. "I just needed you to understand that even if we get 99% of the diseased cells, the 1% left can make a big difference. The larger numbers are just easier to work with."

"Okay."

"Lets go find Emma and Steph now shall we?" He suggested kindly.

I nodded my head with agreement.

"Bella," said Dr. Allcott, pausing before he opened the door of his office. "Just know you're not alone in this. Look all around you, we are all here to help you and Emma. A problem shared is a problem halved."

I blinked back tears as I followed Dr. Allcott out of his office towards the recovery rooms.

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**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chaper! And I am truly sorry that it took me longer than usual to get it out!**

**Like usual - all those who review will get a sneak peek into the next chapter - and I'm just going to let you all know - Edward will feature prominently in the sneak peek!!! (That is all I will tell you now - you'll have to review to find out more!!)**

**Unfortunately you may all have to wait another week until the next chapter is put up, because half way through this week I finish exams - and then I am going to my parents house for a bit of the summer. And while I still will be writing and posting from there (they live a far ay away from my house - few hours) I'm gonna need the first couple of days to settle in and stuff.**

**But I promise to try my hardest to get the next chapter up asap!**

**P.S. Oh, and while I remember, the link to my webpage in my profile - my webpage will have updated news as to when I am planning on updating, how far off finishing chapters I am, any pictures that go with the story, etc. Check it out if you want to know anything! Also, if anyone has any questions - I will try to answer them both on the webpage for everyone to see and personally.**

**Avery xoxo**


	10. Dr Edward Cullen

**A/N: I am so so so so so sorry that this chapter has taken so long to update, life have been 100% crazy lately. I'm working alot of the summer - and my work is just taking absolutely everything out of me at the moment! (Really not use to manual labor!)**

**Here's the next chapter, so please review and let me know what you think! (Motivate me to write more!!!)**

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STEPH'S POV

I jumped out of my car having parked it in an area I was fairly sure was labelled staff only. I didn't really care at the moment. Looking around me frantically I tried to locate the main entrance to the children's hospital. I knew it was off Sunset Boulevard, so I headed that direction.

After I found the entrance I walked up to the lady at the front desk.

"Excuse me," I started. The lady behind the desk looked up at me briefly and started talking, I assumed to the headpiece she had on. She held her hand up at me, signalling for me to wait.

I almost growled in frustration. My best friend and her daughter, a girl who had become like a niece to me, were somewhere in this hospital. The worst reason was that I had absolutely no idea why.

Bella had been worried this morning when she had called me asking for a doctors number. What on earth could have happened in such a short time frame for her and Emma to wind up at the children's hospital?

I prayed it was something minor and that Emma and Bella were only here for the afternoon. Maybe an infection and the meds worked better through an IV. I didn't have much hope in that scenario.

Bella never would have told Imajane to tell me to come to the hospital because it was an emergency if it wasn't something serious. Only something very major would have made Bella take that course of action, anything less Bella would just have told Imajane to tell me she had called and she would try again later.

I knew how much Bella hated disturbing me at work, which worried me even more. What was wrong with Emma?

I was so annoyed with Imajane at the moment that I was really not funny. Bella had called, told Imajane that it was an emergency, and that since my meeting was just wrapping up could she please pass on to me that I was needed at the hospital asap. My meeting, which had been wrapping up at the time, managed to prolong itself for another hour.

Why Imajane not come in and whispered the message in my ear I had no idea. She should have let me decide whether to wrap the meeting up right then and there or wait and then go to the hospital.

I tapped my fingers impatiently on the reception desk, waiting for the lady to get off the phone. I wasn't trying to annoy her, but I just needed to know what was wrong.

I had left a message on Bella's cell phone as I had left my offices, she must have had her cell turned off while she was in the hospital. Since then I had tried her three more times, in the small hope that her cell might be on at one stage. Every time the phone had gone straight to voice mail.

"What can I do to help you today?" Asked the receptionist. Good, she was finally off the phone.

"I'm looking for someone, a patient here by the name of Emma Swan."

"One moment please," said the receptionist and turned towards her computer to start typing things in. I knew deep down that she was probably going as fast as she could, and telling her to hurry was not going to make matters any better, but I couldn't help but be impatient. I felt as though she was purposely trying to frustrate me.

"I'm sorry," she replied after a couple of minutes. We don't have anyone under that name registered at the moment. The system can sometimes take a while to update. It is possible the paper work just hasn't caught up to the computers yet. Did you know why she was here or which department she is in? The receptionist of the department will probably have a much better idea if she is still here or not."

I shook my head dejectedly. How on earth was I going to find them now?

"I don't have anything. All I know is that she is here." I replied. "Wait a moment, actually, I do have something. I have a name of a doctor. Would you be able to tell me which department the doctor is in? Maybe I could find her that way."

"We can try, it may work."

"Dr. Allcott."

"One moment please."

I was started to get really frustrated with the whole computer thing. I didn't have a moment to waste.

"Found him," the receptionist replied. "I'll just print you off a map and a visitors pass." She walked over to the printer behind her. "You have to wear this visitors pass at all times when you are inside the hospital. Here is a map of the ambulatory outpatient tower. Dr. Allcott is situated in the haematology-oncology clinic on level five. Have a nice day."

I stared at the lady, about to say more when the phone rang and she started talking into the headpiece again as though I was no longer standing in front of her.

Oncology. Cancer. Surely not. There had to be some other reason they were there. Maybe I had the wrong doctor. Maybe she had looked up the wrong doctor for me. I prayed that there were two Dr. Allcott's on the staff at the Children's Hospital LA.

Spotting a sign for the outpatient tower I took off in a fast walk.

**

* * *

**

Once I stepped out of the lift on the fifth floor I consulted the map the receptionist had given me. According to my map, the haematology-oncology clinic was straight to my right.

I walked through the doors embossed with the words I was trying so hard to ignore and straight up to another reception desk.

"How may I help you today?"

Good, at least this one was able to say something to be before I stoke to her. She wasn't on the phone, good sign.

"I'm looking for an Emma Swan. Is she registered here, or is there another way of checking if she is here? I asked at the front desk but the lady couldn't find her on the computer system."

"One moment then, I'll just look through the papers that haven't gone in yet," replied the receptionist. "Ah-huh, here it is. Emma Swan. Yes, she is here. Patient of Dr. Allcott at the moment."

"Right, and Dr. Allcott is a…" I trailed off, hoping it would serve as an invitation to the lady to tell me Dr. Allcott's profession. I couldn't bring myself to ask if her was an oncologist. She picked up on my silent question.

"Dr. Allcott is a haematologist."

I felt a small wash of relief cover me, but it only lasted two seconds. I was still in the oncology clinic. That meant odds are the two professions were linked, so Dr. Allcott being a haematologist really didn't mean much.

"I need to see Emma Swan, or her mother," I said quickly.

"I'm sorry, unless she is in the waiting room at the moment, you will have to wait for her to return."

"Wait for her to return?" I asked in a dangerously low voice. "And what happens if she doesn't return to the waiting room? What happens if she stays wherever she is? I need to see my best friend and her daughter and I would greatly appreciate it if you would tell me where they are."

I knew the receptionist was going to become defensive at the sound of my tone. I would have become defensive if someone was talking to me like that – but truth be told I was beyond caring. I wanted to know where Bella was, I wanted someone to tell me that everything was a big mistake, that Emma isn't sick.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know where they are at the moment. It is their first visit here, they could be anywhere at the moment. I assure you they will return to the waiting room sooner or later," the receptionist said in a cold, haughty tone. That tone was just not going to work for me.

"Fine," I replied and took off through the waiting room. I heard the receptionist jump up behind me, but I didn't care. I had a head start. I went straight for a corridor I had spotted earlier which was lined with doors. Upon closer inspection I saw that each of these doors had a name on them. Good. Now to just find Dr. Allcott's.

I was vaguely aware of the receptionist behind me saying something in a raised tone which was not quite a yell.

"I can't hear what you are saying and quite frankly I don't really care," I called over my shoulder.

Suddenly the receptionist was in front of my and standing in front of a door. Damn her for knowing already which one belonged to Dr. Allcott.

"You can move, it you can open the door and introduce me, your choice," I told her in a dangerously low voice. "But either way, I am going into that room."

She turned and glared at me before knocking on the door and apologising to Dr. Allcott about me.

I rolled my eyes and walked toward the room.

"Oh save it," I said irritably. "My best friend and her daughter are here and since you wouldn't tell me where they were, I took matters into my own hands."

I walked around the corner of the door and saw Bella sitting in a chair opposite who I presumed to be Dr. Allcott.

"Bella, I came as quickly as I could. What are you doing in the oncology clinic? Where's Emma? Is she okay?"

Bella looked at me with an odd look on her face, and I thought I saw a fleeting glimpse of laughter pass through her eyes. But just as soon as it was there the happiness was gone, making me wonder if I had even seen it at all.

"I don't know. Steph, this is Dr. Allcott. Dr. Allcott, this is my best friend Steph," replied Bella, giving a blanket answer to all of my questions. I just stood there, unable to move. Bella had always been so strong, especially when it came to all things Emma-related. And now she looked so broken.

I wanted to move to comfort her, but my brain was not properly communicating with the rest of my body, leaving me standing statue-still by the door. I watched in gratitude as Dr. Allcott moved from behind his desk to place a reassuring hand on Bella's should.

As Bella looked up, alarmed by the sudden contact, I saw a wave of confusion cross her face.

"Bella, you're doing extremely well given everything you and Emma have been through today," stated Dr. Allcott in a kind voice. I decided I like this man a lot. He seemed to know exactly what to say to comfort someone, especially someone like Bella.

I saw Bella nod her head slightly. I suppressed a giggle, noticing that Bella was sceptical of his recent comment. It wasn't an obvious form of scepticism, but I had know Bella for long enough to be able to read her body language when others couldn't.

"Where is Emma?" I asked in a less demanding voice than the one I had previously been using with the receptionist.

"Tests," Bella muttered in reply. "Dr. Allcott was just explaining some things to me."

I felt my face immediately flush. I had barged in here, not even thinking about what it was they were talking about. The one thing Bella looked like she needed right now was answers, and I had interrupted.

"Shoot, I'm sorry B, I'll just be outside in the waiting room."

"I have a better idea," said Dr. Allcott. "Steph, why don't you head to the recovery room that Emma will return to after they are finished with the tests? Bella, I know you were anxious about Emma being alone, this way, on the off chance that she beats you back to the recovery room, there is someone familiar there waiting for her."

I looked at Dr. Allcott in astonishment, he really was more perceptive than I had originally given him credit for.

"Yes please Steph," Bella added, her eyes pleading.

I nodded, there was no way I wanted to sit in the waiting room and do nothing at the moment, and Bella looked as though she was considering tearing herself down the middle, so that she could be both listening to Dr. Allcott explain what was wrong with her baby and waiting for Emma so she could hug her as soon as the medical staff were done with her tests.

I turned to the receptionist, who was still standing behind me with a sour look on her face. If there was one thing I had perfected during the years I had spent as a lawyer at one of the highest recommended law firms in LA, it was how to butter people up to get what I wanted.

And damn, I was good at it.

"I do apologise for earlier – the shock of finding my best friend and the girl I see as my niece in the oncology wing made me rather abrupt. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Would you please be able to show me the recovery room that was mentioned?"

I could see the receptionist considering whether or not to forgive me for my earlier actions. She must have decided that I was just stressed and emotional, because she nodded slightly and motioned for me to follow her as she walked out the door and down the hall. I wondered briefly just how many crazy relatives and friends she had to deal with every day, each demanding to know what was going on, and where their loved ones were.

With once last glance at Bella, just to make sure she would be okay, I followed her toward the recovery room.

**

* * *

**After following the receptionist, who had eventually told me her name was Joanne, down a number of different corridors and through various doors she finally came to a halt outside one.

I was glad she had decided that I might not be as bitchy as I had initially appeared, because there was no way I could ever have found my way to the recovery rooms by myself. The oncology wing of the hospital was like a labyrinth.

"Here you are," she said quietly. "Just pop in here." As she started to walk away, she turned, and added as an afterthought, "just make sure you wait quietly."

I chuckled to myself. Obviously while she had chosen to overlook my former behaviour, all was not forgotten.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I placed my hand on the door handle, ready to open the door. I knew that once I opened this door and went in to wait for Emma, all of this would seem really. Everything that had happened so far today in regards to Emma had a surreal feel to it at the moment. I knew that seeming a hospital room would poke a hole in the illusory feel of the situation and make it blatantly clear. Emma was sick.

Stepping through the door I continued to attempt to brace myself for what was happening. I had no idea how on earth Bella was still in one piece. I knew for sure I wouldn't be. Emma was only my niece, and godchild, and I was about to fall apart. I couldn't even begin to imagine how a mother must feel in this situation.

"Aunty Steph," shrieked a cheerful and elated voice. My eyes popped open. Emma was already done with her tests?

"Em," I started to reply, trying my best to keep a jovial look on my face. Suddenly I froze as I looked up at Emma and the man standing beside her. I could feel all the blood rush from my face. Surely not. It couldn't be… but he looked so similar to the pictures Bella had. I shook my head, trying to convince myself it was just a coincidence.

I think I had almost managed to do just that, when the man, who I assumed must have been a doctor, as he was wearing a white lab coat and had a stethoscope slung around his neck, turned to look at me. Staring back at me were a pair of eyes so similar to Emma's that they was almost chilling to look at.

"Aunty Steph," called Emma again, somewhat impatiently this time. "Come and meet my new friend."

I tried to smile, knowing I didn't quite succeed. I was fairly sure the uneasiness I was feeling was extremely apparent on my face.

"This is my new friend Edward. He's a doctor," Emma added wisely at the end, nodding her head. Had I not been so caught up with the appearance of the man in front of me I would have had to laugh at the look on Emma's face, and the apparent wisdom in which she had spoken.

"Hi," he replied, turning to me and extending his hand. "I'm Dr. Edward Cullen. It's very nice to meet you."

I just stood there in shock and stared at him. This was not good, not good at all. I realised I was standing statue-still again as I had done earlier in Dr. Allcott's office. I willed my brain to do something, anything.

"Holy Shit," I croaked, finally regaining control of my voice. Damn it, I thought silently reprimanding myself for the way I was acting and what I had just said, anything BUT that.

* * *

**A/N: So, once again, I am sorry for the extended period of time it took me to update this story - I meant to have it up much quicker!**

**I am going to aim for weekly updates, but I just moved away from constant internet access, so I'm going to have to figure out a way to jump that little hurdle!**

**As per usual, anyone who reviews will recieve a sneak peek - sorry if I missed any one last chapter, my head has been all over the place lately... **

**Avery xoxo**


	11. Emma and Edward meet

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

EDWARD'S POV

Feeling a slightly vibration in the pocket of my trousers, I pulled out my mobile phone and sighed. 'Alice' read the name flashing across the screen. I contemplated momentarily ignoring the call, but I knew that if Alice really wanted to speak to me she would be relentless.

"Alice," I greeted warily as I pressed the call accept button on my phone.

"Edward," answered my sister in a voice that I deemed slightly too jovial. "You sound tired," she added. I could almost see her frown through the phone.

"I'm fine," I told her, hoping she would pick up on the finality in my tone and drop the subject. In typical Alice fashion she did not.

"You know, what's her face should really be taking better care of you," replied Alice in a lofty voice. I growled into the phone.

"Her name is Tanya, and it would do you well to learn it Alice, because whether you like it or not, whether you like _her_ or not, she IS my fiancée."

"Hmph," replied Alice. I glance to my right. Sitting on the bench I saw I lowered my head into my hands.

"Alice, did you actually want something, or did you just call to insult the woman I love?" I heard Alice scoff on the other end of the phone.

"You don't love her Edward," started Alice. I narrowed my eyes slightly. I knew where she was heading with this line of thought. It was well covered ground between the two of us. "You love…"

"Alice," I interrupted in a harsh tone. "Don't even think about say what you are about to say."

"Even if it's the truth?" She asked in reply. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Opening my eyes I glanced at my wristwatch. 12:13pm. It was only just after midday and already I had had an extremely long day.

"Alice," I begged, not wanting to have this conversation again, not now. "Not all of us want to hold onto the past."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. I knew referring to the letters Alice had been sending to Bella was a low blow.

"Fine," replied Alice quietly. I hung my head, a wave of shame washing over me. I knew it hadn't been fair to throw that in Alice's face. "Mum wants you to come home this week, for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Jasper and I are heading to Forks and she wants you to be there as well."

"I'll think about it, okay?" I said, trying to placate my sister. "I'll have to check with Tanya as to whether she has plans or not."

"You know you could come without her if she did have plans. You haven't even met Jasper yet."

"Alice, don't push it," I replied in a warning tone. She sighed in response.

"Fine, whatever. Talk to what's her face and then call Mom, okay?"

"I will. Bye Alice."

"Bye Edward."

I scowled. Alice had a way of being able to put me in a foul mood when she wanted too. And she could do it with only the shortest of conversations. I glanced at my watch again. 12:24pm. I was meeting a college of mine outside the main entrance of the hospital for lunch at 12:15pm. Something must have held him up, but I leant back onto the bench I had sat on while speaking to Alice and waited.

I watched the doorway out of the corner of my eye and a couple of minutes later, Steve Michaels, a good friend of mine, walked out. Steve was the one responsible for my being in LA. He was a haematologist at the LA Children's Hospital, and had convinced me to come and see the hospital, work as a visiting doctor for a while. Steve had never understood my preference for general practice medicine, himself preferring the hustle and bustle of large hospitals.

So I had agreed to shadow Steve for a week at the hospital, before deciding whether or not I wanted to go back into general practice work, or accept a permanent position in the hospital.

"Edward," he greeted as he neared the bench I was perched on. "Sorry about the wait, I just had to go and check on the results of a bone marrow aspiration that was done on this young girl."

I nodded, brushing off his apology. I knew as well as any other doctor that while at work, patients had to come first.

"Little girl?" I asked with trepidation. I was finding it harder to deal with than I thought I would, all the sick children. The level of respect I held for Steve had increased exponentially over the past week.

"Yeah," replied Steve. "We're heading up to the oncology clinic after lunch to see her and her mother."

I nodded again. I didn't know how Steve did it ever day. I was positive I wouldn't be able to deal with all the sick children for weeks on end. The more time I spent at the hospital, the better general practice medicine was looking to me. The oncology clinic was especially one of my least favourite places. These were children whose lives were pretty much over before they had even had the chance to begin.

Noting my prolonged silence, Steve suggested a nearby café for a quick bite to eat before we headed back to the hospital.

* * *

After we had both paid for our respective meals, Steve and I headed out the door of the café in the direction of the hospital.

"So," started Steve casually. "How are things going with Tanya? She taking the move alright?"

I sighed and thought of the answer I was going to give Steve. He was one of my best friends, and knew all about Tanya, Alice and the rest of my family. I had even told him about Bella. Well, I had sort of told him about Bella. It had been more of a terse explanation of who she was (my high school girlfriend) and the fact that I no longer wished to talk about it. He had never pushed it since, and that I was grateful for.

"I think so," I answered honestly. "Alice still isn't accepting that fact that we are indeed getting married."

Steve placed his hand on my shoulder in a sign of camaraderie. "Alice will come around man, you just have to give her time."

I nodded at Steve, though in my mind I was still extremely sceptical. I wasn't convinced that Alice would come around to anyone except Bella. I shook my head, trying to expel that thought from my mind. Bella was the last person I wanted to spend my time thinking about right now. She was ancient history – and I had worked hard to move on with my life.

I was suddenly glad we were back in front of the hospital, I wanted to get as far away from that conversation as I could. As far away from the little voices in my head, niggling at past memories.

I shook my head again. Damn. It had been so long since I had thought about Bella, I had successfully managed to keep my mind on Tanya recently. Now, thanks to Alice, old memories had started to resurface. I did my best to quash them and quickly followed Steve into the hospital.

* * *

"Oncology," said Steve as we rode the elevator to our next destination, sensing that I had forgotten where we were next headed. He was right. Lunch had completely pressed from my mind where we were about to spend the afternoon. I felt a dark cloud settle over me as I was reminded.

The last thing I felt like doing now was facing sick young kids who had very little hope of survival. The thing that made it even harder than it already was, was that most of the kids in the oncology wing were so brave.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I thought back to when Steve and I first met. We had met at university in England. I had decided after graduation that Oxford would be a better choice for me as oppose to Dartmouth. While Dartmouth was still an excellent school, which I would have been more than willing to attend, it was also the school that Bella and I had chosen to attend together. And because of that tiny little fact, there were too many painful connotations to which I held against Dartmouth.

Steve had been my first friend at Oxford, and my best friend ever since. I thought back to when I met Tanya. It was a year and a half ago now. We had met when I was in London one day. Tanya was originally from America, had grown-up in New York, and at the time we met, was on a holiday in London.

I knew that Alice was right, I didn't have the same feelings for Tanya that I had once had for Bella. But I didn't want to spend the rest of my life holding onto the past, wishing that things had been different. I had no idea why Bella had left the way she did, but she obviously didn't want anything to do with Alice or I, so I let her have that. After that fateful graduation day I hadn't again spoken or seen Bella Swan, and I didn't particularly want to either.

I closed my eyes, trying to school my face and mind back to a blank slate. It wouldn't do me any good to think of her now. The only thing thinking of her accomplished was making me furious, and I couldn't afford to let that happen at the moment, not with where I was headed.

The ding of the elevator bell pulled me out of my thoughts, letting me know that Steve and I had reached our destination. Steve glanced at me, no doubt making sure I was okay (my dislike of the oncology wing was not a hidden one), before stepping out of the elevator into a foyer. Turning towards the oncology wing he started to walk, with me following him.

Instead of following Steve straight to meet his afternoon patient, I wandered to his office on the floor instead. The young girl he was seeing this afternoon was apparently in the middle of being diagnosed, and I knew from shadowing Steve all week that if there were too many people in the room when a child was being diagnosed then the parent's had a tendency to start hyperventilating. I eventually came to the door labelled Dr Steve Michaels, and walked in, determined to start on some paper work I was meant to be doing.

After a while I glanced up towards the clock. 20 minutes had passed since I had sat down at the desk and started filling out paper work. I decided to walk over to reception to find out where Steve was at the moment.

As I neared the reception area a slight frown crossed my face. I could here the quiet tones of an argument coming from the front desk. I suppressed a laugh as I turned the corner. Pausing, I was able to see what was happening from quite a vantage point. A tall blonde lady was standing at the reception desk, talking quickly in a low voice to Joanne, the daytime receptionist on this floor.

I could see Joanne becoming more and more frustrated at the lady in front of her, a situation I found overtly amusing due to the frustration Joanne herself regularly imposed upon others.

"Fine," I heard the voice of the blonde woman state, in a tone that obviously did not mean she was conceding to Joanne's suggestion that she wait patiently in the waiting room for who ever it was she was searching for. I looked back towards the two women, curious as to what the blonde would do next.

All of a sudden she took off towards the waiting room, straight towards where I was standing. She glanced in my direction, and seeing the rows of office like doors behind me, started to run in my direction. I side stepped out of her way, assuming, correctly, that nothing was going to stop her.

She didn't seem to see me as she bolted past me, Joanne following immediately behind her. I chuckled to myself. Well, at least my amusement quota had been filled for the day.

Feeling exponentially better, I walked over to behind the reception desk and opened Steve's file on the computer.

Content that I knew where to find him, I set off in the direction of the treatment rooms.

* * *

"Steve," I called out along the corridor as I saw my best friend walking from a room. He waved one hand up in response, and stopped walking, though his eyes never drifted from the paper he was reading.

I quickly caught up to him and waited for him to finish reading whatever he was holding.

"Edward," he finally replied once he looked up. "I'm just off to get the results of this bone marrow aspiration. Did you want to wait for me in recovery room two? Donna is in there with the young girl whose test results I am going to retrieve."

"Sure," I replied, nodding. I much preferred the contact with patients as oppose to running between labs and collecting results. Steve was one of the only fully accredited doctors I knew who still ran his own labs, most preferring interns to do the work for them, but, as Steve always said, he much preferred when dealing with such fragile issues as his line of work did, to do the work himself and know that it was right.

I walked in the direction of the recovery rooms, stopping once I reached the door to the second room.

I let myself into the room, smiling as Donna and a young girl with light brown hair both turned simultaneously to look in my direction.

"Hello ladies," I said in one of the most charming voices I could manage. The little girl sitting on the examination table giggled. I flashed her another smile.

"Hi Edward," replied Donna. I smiled again. Donna was one of my favourite nurses here, she always had time for everyone, be it a patient, doctor or another nurse, and there was never a problem too big or small for her to attempt to help with.

"And who do we have here?" I asked as I walked towards the table, picking up the young girl's chart on my way. Flicking it open I quickly skimmed over the contents. I paused at the name of the young girl. Surely not. I shook my head slightly, trying to get the ridiculous thought from my head. Swan had to be a common name, there was no way this young girl was related to Bella. I tried to push all thoughts of Bella from my head, and turned instead to focus on the young girl in front of me, whose name I had read was Emma.

"I'm Emma," she said in a proud voice, puffing her chest slightly as she spoke.

"Well Emma, my name is Dr. Cullen, but you can call me Edward if you like," I replied in a friendly voice. I held my hand out for her, assuming correctly that Emma would get a kick out of such a grown up gesture. She giggled as she took my hand and then shook it with a very solemn look on her face.

"It is very nice to meet you Edward," she replied, in an attempt to talk in a serious grown-up voice. To say it was amusing would be an understatement. I pulled a face at her, causing her to lose her serious façade and collapse into a fit of giggles.

Donna's pager started to go off at that moment.

"Shoot," she muttered to herself. Donna glanced somewhat helplessly from Emma to myself, and I made the assumption that she had promised to stay with Emma.

"Emma," she started, speaking to the young girl, "do you mind if I leave you here with Edward for a little while sweetie? I have to go and see someone really quickly, but I promise that I will be back as soon as possible."

Emma looked as though she was considering this for a moment, and then spoke again.

"Is he a stranger?" she asked in an extremely serious voice. It took all my will power not to laugh at the sound of the little girl's statement.

"No sweetie," replied Donna in an amused voice, "he's a doctor, and he promises to look after you until your mommy comes back with the other doctor, okay?"

Emma nodded in response, and with a look of gratitude toward me, Donna flew from the room.

"So Emma," I started. "What are we going to do while we wait for your mommy?"

"Hmmm," replied Emma, looking around the room. "Balloon!" She stated suddenly, clapped her hands together at the same time then pointing to a box of rubber glove with had a warning sign above them, warning parent's from doing exactly what Emma wanted me to do. I ignored the sign and pulled out one of the glove, blowing into it until it was inflated and then tying it off. Emma laughed in response.

I tapped it gently against Emma's nose, causing her to collapse into another fit of giggles. A sudden wave of sadness washed over me as I though of how ill this little girl would most probably become, but I pushed that from my thoughts, as I had been doing with so many things lately, and held up one finger.

Emma stopped giggling and looked at me with curiosity.

"Something is missing," I said mysteriously. I pretended to examine the glove balloon for a moment, and then let out an exaggerated 'ah ha', as I pretended to realise what it was that was missing from the recently constructed balloon.

I took a permanent marker from a collection of stationary by the door and drew a huge smiling mouth, a nose and two eyes on the balloon, and then passed it to Emma.

"That's much better," I said approvingly.

As Emma was giggling again the door to the recovering room opened and the same blonde woman I had seen arguing with Joanne just earlier walked in. She looked as though her mind was somewhere far away. Was this Emma's mother? She didn't look overly alike to the young girl.

"Aunty Steph," shrieked Emma from in front of me in an elated voice. The blonde woman suddenly lifted her head, attempting to put a cheerful look on her face, though I could tell it was hard for her. Not the mother then, but an aunt, and obviously a close one by the way Emma greeted her.

"Em," started the woman at the door, only to pause once seeing me. Emma, who must have decided her aunt was taking to long to talk was the next to speak.

"Aunty Steph," she said again. I could hear the impatient starting to creep into her voice. I smile at the thought, while also trying to figure out why this most recently entry to the room was looking at me as though I was the walking dead. "Come and meet my new friend," continued Emma.

The lady, Steph, didn't move from where she was, and continued to stare at me. I started to feel somewhat uncomfortable.

"This is my new friend Edward," said Emma, speaking again. "He's a doctor," she added at the end.

Steph has started to walk slowly towards us both, so I turned and extended my hand to her, schooling my face to a blank, but cheerful look, so as not to let on that I had noticed her odd stare.

"Hi," I said, greeting her. "I'm Dr. Edward Cullen. It's very nice to meet you."

The woman paused again, and I started to wonder about her mental competency.

"Holy Shit," she croaked in a voice that made me assume that she had only just regain control of her voice.

I frowned slightly. 'Holy Shit?' What on earth did that mean?

* * *

**A/N: Once again, I am very very sorry about how long everyone had to wait for this update, and explanations and what not are in my live journal (link in my profile) plus when you can expect the next update and what is happening in it!**

**As per usual, those who review will receive a sneak peek into the next chapter (where Bella and Edward come face to face!!) and I promise to be quicker with my review replies this time around as well, I do realise some people had to wait a little while and for that I apologise.**

**So, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**

**Avery xoxo**


	12. Secrets Exposed

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

**A/N: Hi everyone, hope you all had a fantastic New Years Eve and I wish you all a wonderful New Year! Yeah for 2009!!**

**Sorry this update took so long, I wasn't happy with the ending, so I had to keep redoing it! But... one of my New Years resolutions is to keep up to date with my stories on fanfic! Enjoy...**

BELLA'S POV

I was furious at myself as I followed Dr. Allcott down the hall. Why could I not make the tears that were sitting on the edges of my eyes, threatening to spill over, go away? Not only that, but Dr. Allcott was starting to frustrate me. Why did he find it so necessary to walk at the speed that a turtle would go at?

I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts from it that I knew were irrational. Emma was all I had. She was my entire world, and now, now I was being told that there was every chance my entire world wouldn't make it to her sixth birthday.

What had I done to deserve this? Would this have happened if I had have told Edward about her when I first found out I was pregnant? Was I being punished for the bad decisions I had made?

It was a topic that I had given way to much thought over the past five years. Should I have told Edward I was pregnant? Should I have let him decide what he had wanted to do? Every time I gave the topic any thought at all, I always ended up coming back to the same conclusions. If I had told Edward, he would have stayed. Regardless of all else, he would have stayed with me, and I wasn't willing to do that to him.

I sighed, stopping short as I realised that Dr. Allcott had stopped in front of me. I recognised the other doctor from earlier this morning, but for the life of me I could not remember his name.

"Hi Bella," he said, jolting me from my desperate attempts to recall his name.

"Hi…" I trailed off, unsure of what to say, of how to end my sentence. I felt mortified. I had met this man not four hours ago and already I had forgotten his name.

"Steve Michaels," he said with a chuckle, obviously recognising the fact that I had forgotten his name.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Michaels," I replied, trying to prevent my face from turning beetroot red.

"No problem Bella, and please, call me Steve. It's been a stressful morning for you, full of information. I'm not surprised you didn't remember my name. After all we only met for a few seconds as I was running out the door."

I smiled, grateful for the way Steve had managed to make me feel comfortable in my own skin again.

"Are you headed to see Emma now?" Asked Steve in a kind voice.

I nodded in reply, not trusting my mouth to speak again. I hadn't noticed how good looking Steve was earlier, but I was definitely noticing now. I mentally scolded myself. Developing a crush on one of the doctors in the oncology clinic was not a good idea.

"I'll see you both around then. Tell Emma I said hi Bella," he replied.

"Bye," I called softly as he turned to walk away. I turned back to where Dr. Allcott was standing, and smiled, indicating my willingness to move on. I continued to follow Dr. Allcott down the hall, hoping that the hall would finish soon, or that we would at least stop. I felt as though we had been walking for ages, and all I wanted to do was see me baby girl.

"Here we are," announced Dr. Allcott as we stopped outside a door. He motioned with his arms for me to enter first. I gratefully did, eager beyond belief to see Emma.

As I started to walk onto the room I bumped into Steph walking slowly backwards out the door. I started to laugh at her. Only Steph would be walking backwards out of a hospital door.

"Steph," I started, surprised that my voice sounded cheerful. I supposed it was my close proximity to Emma that was responsible for the elated sound of my voice. "What on earth…" I let my voice trail off as I caught sight of a man standing next to my daughter.

Surely not, I thought to myself, my heartbeat starting to speed up. I could feel myself starting to panic as I took in the appearance of the man in front of me. Surely that wasn't who I thought it was.

Except there was no way that it couldn't be. As much of me as there was praying fervently that the man standing in the recovery room was not the father of my daughter, there was a part of me, just a big, that was hoping, wishing, that the man standing by my five year old daughter was Edward Cullen.

I felt Dr. Allcott enter the room, walking past me where I was frozen in place at the door.

"Bella," he started, intent of introducing me to Edward. I saw Edward's face whip around at the sound of my name. I found it momentarily hard to breath. Every doubt that I was harbouring about the identity of this man had been erased as soon as he looked at me.

There was no way that man standing in front of me could not be Edward Cullen. His eyes were identical to a pair of eyes that I had stared into for the last five years. His eyes were identical to the golden eyes that Emma had.

I tried to suppress the panic attack that I could feel building deep within me. I was standing, face to face, with the father of my child. The father which I had never actually told about Emma.

"…is Dr. Edward Cullen," continued Dr Allcott, oblivious to the way everyone else in the room was acting. I felt Steph put her hand on my shoulder as a show of support. "Edward, this is Bella Swan, Emma's mother."

I saw Edward look from myself to Emma, a look of confusion across his face. The look of confusion was soon replaced with a look of pain, and I found myself having to look away, unable to look in Edward's eyes, knowing that I was most probably the reason for the pained look that graced his beautiful features. Edward had never been stupid, I didn't think it would take him long at all to figure out who Emma's father was.

I was vaguely aware of the fact that Dr. Allcott was still talking in the background. I snapped myself out of my thoughts and made myself listen to what Dr Allcott was saying.

I looked at him, suddenly aware by the smile on his face that he had just finished talking. I smiled back, hoping it seemed as though I had heard something of what he had said.

"Mommy," called Emma from across the room. She held her arms up, indicating her wish to be picked up by me. Edward flinched at the sound of Emma calling me. I walked towards Emma, unable to let the terror I was feeling about seeing Edward again keep me from my daughter.

"Baby," I said lovingly as I reached her, and scooped her into my arms. Emma giggled.

"Mommy," she said again, "this is my new friend Edward. He has the same colour eyes as me. See?" She said in a completely innocent voice.

I flinched at the comparison that my four year old daughter had been able to make, and was unable to meet Edward's eyes. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that as Emma was speaking, Edward had visibly stiffened.

"Sorry," interrupted Edward in his clear musical voice. "You'll have to excuse me, but I really do have to run right now. It was very nice to meet you all."

As soon as he had said that, Edward was gone from the room, and suddenly I felt that I could breathe again.

I turned my full attention back to Dr. Allcott, attempting to block Edward out of my mind for the time being.

"Any questions you have now Bella, I'd be happy to answer," he said in a clear voice.

I nodded my head, trying to remember some of the million questions I had about Emma that had formulated in my mind over the course of the day. But the only question I could think of was why now. Why did he have to come back into my life now, didn't I have enough to deal with?

* * *

I walked out of the oncology clinic, out past the reception area into the foyer that housed the elevators. Steph had stayed inside with Emma, while she had a couple more routine tests done, such as her blood pressure and lung capacity. They had been done before at one stage in the day I was sure, but Dr. Allcott had wanted to do them again before he let me take Emma home for the night.

I had agreed, and Steph had volunteered to stay with Emma while I went into the lobby to call Charlie. They were going to meet me here when they where done.

I was vaguely aware of someone coming up behind me as I searched through my bag for my mobile phone. I dismissed the thought, assuming it was someone making their way to the elevators. Hearing someone clear their throat behind me, I realised I was mistaken.

I turned my head, ready to apologise to the person for whatever I was doing, or blocking, and came face to face with Edward. In his hands he held a manila file, on which I could see Emma's name.

I sighed, knowing my façade was up. If Edward had come to find me, with Emma's file in his hands, odds were that he had used it to confirm his suspicions and was now coming to me for a final confirmation.

"Well," he asked, knowing that I would understand what he was waiting to hear. I decided to play it safe.

"What do you mean, 'well', Edward?" I asked in a weary voice. It had been an exceptionally long day.

"Don't play dumb Bella, you know exactly what I am taking about , so why bother insulting both of our intelligence's?" he said, his voice harsh. I flinched at the tone his voice held.

"My daughter," I started, not knowing what to say next. I didn't want to confirm anything to Edward without him first asking.

"Our daughter, don't you mean," he corrected, waiting for my response.

I couldn't reply. I had spent so much time and energy dealing with things by myself, hiding my secret from most people, that I didn't know how to finally let it go. I wasn't sure that I wanted to. I hung my head instead of replying.

"Jesus Christ Bella," hissed Edward in a low voice. "You didn't think I had the right to know?"

I lifted my head to look him in the eye, keeping my gaze strong. I had my reasons for doing what I did almost five years ago, and I was going to stand by them.

"That's why you left like you did after graduation, and never called, wasn't it. Emma was the reason you started acting so strange." Edward said, talking again when I didn't reply instantly.

"Yes," I confirmed, not knowing what else I could say.

Edward turned away from me, and ran his fingers through his hair. I imagined my own fingers running through his hair, and all I wanted to do at that moment was kiss him, and have him hold me. I was jolted from my fantasies by a phone ringing.

"Just a minute," said Edward after looking at his phone and realising it was his ringing. "I have to take this, it's my fiancée." With that he turned and walked ten steps to the other side of the lobby to take the phone call.

I felt all the blood rush out of my face. Fiancée. Edward was getting married, to another lady. He was going to be a family with someone else. I felt like crying, or being sick, or maybe both.

I had dated a little in the last five years, but I had always had the fantasy of Emma having her father around, full time, in the back of my mind. I had never let the fantasy get out of control until today, until I had seen Edward again.

I squashed all thoughts of Edward and I together again out of my mind, and tried to convince myself that I was holding onto the idea of Edward, and that after all these years I had actually moved one. I found denial to be a very effective coping mechanism.

Edward hung up his phone, and, slipping it back into his pocket, walking back over to where I was still standing. I schooled my face to hold a blank look, in an attempt to show I wasn't affected by what he had just said.

"Sorry about that," said Edward awkwardly, motioning to where he had been standing. "I didn't mean to dump it on you like that either."

Damn, I thought to myself, mustn't have been overly convincing.

"That's fine," I lied. "I didn't expect you to not have lived you life for the past five years." What had I really been expecting? I had never thought of anything other than the occasional fantasy about Edward, Emma and I being a family. I had never considered how Edward would find out about Emma, how he would have been spending his life over the past however many years. Of course someone like Edward wouldn't be single.

"Look Bella," said Edward, sighing heavily. "I need time to think about this, to absorb it all. I mean, I've had a daughter for five years and I never knew." He held up his hand to silence me as I went to interrupt. "I don't want to hear your reasons or anything just yet. I need time right now, but I want to be a part of Emma's life, however small. I already know that. I'll call you about it once I've had time to think."

He held out it phone to me, motioning for me to add my number to the phone book. I obliged and handed back his phone. He stared at me for a moment, looking as though he wanted to say something, then stopped himself and turned and walked away without saying anything else.

I sighed and made my way to a bank of chairs over at the other side of the lobby to wait for Emma and Steph. I didn't quite feel like calling Charlie anymore, I'd save that for later. My main worry at the moment was Edward.

They walked out of the reception area a couple of minutes later, and it took all of my energy to smile at my five year old daughter and act as though my entire life had not just fallen apart.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry that this chapter is shorter than previous chapters. There was going to be more at the end, but it just wasn't turning out right, so I had to end it here, and hopefully I can incorporate the ending I had in mind into the next chapter better than I could this one!**

**Please review! Sneak peeks as usual, next chapter I will have alot of Edward in it. I think I am going to have him going back to Forks like Alice wanted and telling his family, but I'm not overly sure just yet. (If you review you'll find out more before I update next!!)**

**Avery xoxo**


	13. Tanya and a Plane Ticket to Forks

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

**A/N: Here is the long awaited next installment - I am sorry about the delay - explanations and all at the end of the chapter, but for now... enjoy!**

EDWARD'S POV

I walked into the foyer of the apartment that I shared with my fiancée, Tanya, and threw my car keys at the end table. God damn it. How could Bella have done this to me? I was so furious at her that I couldn't even think straight.

I walked into the living room and poured myself a glass of scotch. I wasn't usually much of a drinker but I felt this situation called for a stiff drink. For years I had wondered at the back of my mind what I had done to make Bella hate me so much, to make her act so cold. And for years she had kept the biggest secret from me she could ever have kept.

I thought back to the little girl in the examination room. Emma. I had a four year old daughter and her name was Emma. I sighed, moving to sit on the couch. No matter what else happened, no matter how Bella and I were going to deal with this, Emma was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

I frowned slightly, remembering what I had read in her charts. She had ALL, acute lymphocytic leukaemia. My baby girl, whom I had never really met, whom I had never had the chance to know, was dying by degrees.

I jumped up from the couch and started pacing around the room. I had to do something. But this wasn't something I could figure out on my own. I needed to go home, to talk to my parents. I thought back to my phone call with Alice that morning, when everything had seemed normal, and my biggest worry was that my little sister hadn't liked my fiancée because she was still convinced I loved my high school girlfriend. I sighed again. My high school girlfriend, who I had just found out was the mother of my child.

I didn't know what I was going to tell Tanya. For some reason, I didn't want her to know about Bella and Emma just yet. I wanted to keep it to myself. I couldn't figure out why I didn't want to tell Tanya, but there was something about the way I knew she would react that made me what to somehow protect my daughter.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't even heard Tanya come home until she was in the living room with me.

"Edward," she called out to me, trying to break me from my daze. My head snapped up.

"Tanya," I replied. I tried to sound happy, and to put a smile on my face, but I was afraid that I had failed miserably.

"Edward, honey, what are you doing?" asked Tanya in a some what confused voice as she motioned to the empty scotch glass on the table. "You hardly drink, and I come home to find you have been drinking alone and now your pacing around the living room muttering to yourself."

I took a deep breathe. Tanya was going to want to know my sudden desire to go to Forks, and I knew it was going to be impossible for her to leave LA this weekend. But I wanted to got to Forks alone this time. I didn't want her to come with me. I didn't stop to analyse what on earth it meant that when I found out one of the most important pieces of news in my life, I didn't want to share it with the woman I was suppose to marry.

"I need to go back to Forks this weekend Tanya," I started, waiting for her to say something before I continued.

"Edward, you know I can't leave work this weekend," replied Tanya, dismissing the idea. Forks was the last place she wanted to go, this weekend or any other. "Why don't we go to New York next weekend if you want to get away?" She suggested, her voice becoming animated at the idea of a weekend in New York.

I scowled. Tanya had never hidden her distaste for Forks, and was always quick to veto the idea of visiting my family there.

"Tanya," I started again, my patience starting to wear thin. "It isn't a holiday I want. I need to go back to Forks this weekend. Alice called and invited us earlier anyway, she's finally bringing Jasper to meet everyone."

I measured the look on Tanya's face, and noticing a drop in her expression quickly worked to rectify the situation.

"Sweetie, I wish you could come with me this weekend, but I understand that you can't. I would wait until another weekend, but I do really need to see Mom and Dad this weekend to discuss some things, and I haven't seen Alice in a while," I took a deep breath, hoping I would get away with the vague explanation I had given. A little white lie about wanting her to come with me was justifiable as far as I was concerned in order to keep Emma to myself for the time being.

Tanya's face softened.

"Okay. And who knows," she continued, walking behind me and wrapping her arms around my torso, "maybe we can go away for a weekend soon anyway."

I gave her a slight smile as my mind wandered to the many problems that had bombarded my consciousness in the last 7 hours.

* * *

I hung up the phone, feeling somewhat defeated. Tanya had been placated in the end by my weak promises of a weekend away soon, but I wasn't at all convinced that I was going to want to go anywhere any time soon.

I looked down at the number I had jotted on the piece of paper in front of me. It was my booking number, I'd just booked myself a flight to Port Angeles. I wasn't going to tell anyone I was headed to Forks, not my mother, or Alice. Anyone I told would enquire relentlessly about why I had suddenly changed my mind after my phone conversation with Alice. I just wasn't ready to deal with that right now.

I hit my fist against the desk and let out a feeble laugh. Now I was hitting things. This was just great, perfect really. When had my life gotten so out of control like this? How had I let Bella do this to me?

How was I going to tell everyone? Alice would be relieved to some extent. At least now she would have a reason, a sane excuse for the drastic change in Bella's behaviour the last time we saw her. And wasn't that what I had been praying for in the back of my mind? A reason as to why Bella acted the way she did, a reason that wasn't that she hated the both of us.

I sighed, standing up from my chair and walking into the bedroom I shared with Tanya. I looked around. There were no pictures of family, or even of Tanya and I. The entire room, hell, the entire apartment didn't look lived in. Not like the house I grew up in. Mom had pictures everywhere. Solo portraits, family shots, candid and often embarrassing photos. But pictures none the less. Here there was nothing.

I pulled my overnight bag down from the top of the closet and started to shove clothes into it. I didn't need to take much, I had a fair amount of clothes and what not still in my old bedroom at home. I liked the idea of being able to travel light because I still had things at my parent's house. It was oddly comforting.

As I shoved clothes into the small bag, I thought back to the hospital after I had spoken to Bella.

_**Flashback**_

"_Edward," called a voice from down the corridor. I frowned slightly to myself. It wasn't a voice I recognised easily, yet there was something about it that seemed somewhat familiar. "Edward," it called again. I turned to face the person calling my name._

_I sighed when I turned to come face to face with Bella's friend, the one who had argued with the receptionist, which I had found so amusing only hours ago. The one that Emma, my daughter, had called aunt. I knew Bella didn't have any siblings, and this lady looked nothing alike her. Yet she was obviously very close to both Bella and Emma. It hurt knowing that Bella had let some people in, people she hadn't even known for as long as me, but she hadn't let me in. Regardless of the fact that Emma was my child as well._

"_Edward," said Steph as she came to a halt in front of me. She held up one finger as she gave herself a moment to catch her breath. "I'm not really as fit as I would like to be," she admitted, "and running around the hospital trying to find you really isn't the easiest thing. Damn you are one hard man to track down."_

"_Steph," I interrupted, hoping to stop her before she started into a full on ramble. All I wanted was for her to tell me why she had spent time tracking me down so that I could go home and possibly drown my sorrows in a bottle of whisky, or maybe scotch. I don't know, I wasn't much of a drinker, but I felt that any strong spirit would help._

"_Sorry," she replied, composing herself again. Once she was done, she took a deep breath and looked my in the eye. She looked as though she didn't really know what to say, or at least, how to say what she wanted to say. _

"_Give her time," she finally said in a soft voice. "All she needs is time, I mean, two very major things have happened in her life right now. Just give her time."_

"_Time?" I asked, my voice incredulous._

"_Yeah, time. Look, I know that you're probably pretty annoyed right now, and you have every right to be. But Bella did what she thought was best, and regardless of what you think of her, she loves Emma more than anything else in the world, and her baby was just diagnosed with Leukaemia." Steph paused then, her voice hitching with emotion._

"_Sorry," she continued, "I have to go now, they need me."_

_I watched Steph as she turned and walked away. She paused after walking about fifteen steps and turned, her eyes boring into me when she faced me again._

"_She has a lot of photos you know." Then she walked around the corner, back to find Bella, and my daughter._

_**End Flashback**_

I wondered as to what exactly Steph had meant when she told me to give Bella some time. Was I not meant to contact her, was I just meant to wait for her to call me? I had told her the same thing earlier, that I needed time. Time to think, and to digest. It hadn't occurred to me that Bella would need time as well.

I shook my head, not wanting to let myself have any feelings of sympathy for Bella. Grabbing my bag, I walked back into the living room. My flight didn't leave until tomorrow afternoon. Leaving my bag at the door, I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. A walk through the park would do my head the world of good.

**

* * *

**

I slid into the taxi waiting at the airport in Port Angeles, giving the man the address of my parent's house. He nodded in recognition, he knew the street. As the taxi started to move, I suddenly changed my mind.

"Excuse me," I said through the partition.

"Yes," answered the taxi driver.

"Could you drive past the diner in Forks first?" I asked. It was around dinner time, and if I knew Charlie at all, he would be at the diner. The only time a well balanced meal had every been served in his house had been when Bella was living there as well.

I closed my eyes for a second upon thinking about Bella. I had spent the entire plane trip trying to think of how on earth I was going to tell my parents, Alice, Emmett, everyone, that I had a daughter.

"Sir, sir," called the taxi driver. I was jolted from my thoughts suddenly upon hearing his voice.

"Yes," I replied, trying to pull myself out of my mind.

"We are at the diner, what did you want to do?" He asked.

"Keep the meter running," I replied, "I'll be back in a moment. There's just someone I have to see."

The taxi driver nodded his head, agreeing, and I jumped out of the cab and walked through the front door of the diner. This place had so many memories from high school. I stuffed all of those memories to the back of my mind. I came here for one purpose and one purpose only.

Looking around I spotted Charlie sitting in the same booth he had always sat he, eating his dinner. I waved off the waitress who approached me, asking if I needed help and walked over the Charlie's table.

Once I got there I stood in front of his table, waiting until he noticed me and looked up. It didn't take long.

"Edward," he started unsteadily. He didn't look as though he knew what to say at all. Hell, I wasn't even sure if Bella had spoken to him in the past 24 hours. For all he knew I was still completely in the dark about everything. I doubted it though. Bella would have called him about Emma. She had to have.

"Edward," he said again, his voice filled with pity this time.

I had come inside meaning to say something to Charlie. To say anything. But now that I was face to face with him I just couldn't. Instead I narrowed my eyes, and shook my head slightly, hoping that it would convey all the feelings that I couldn't voice.

Without having said a word I turned and walked out of the diner. I didn't look back until I was seated back in the taxi and it was pulling away from the curb again. But when I did look back out the window, I saw Charlie, standing at the door of the diner, the same look of pity covering his face as had been there only moments earlier when I had faced him inside the diner.

**

* * *

**

"Thank you sir," answered the taxi driver as I paid him. I looked down at the bag near my feet as he pulled away from the curb, then up to my parent's house in front of me.

A small head appeared at the large front door, and almost immediately after it appeared Alice was bounding towards me.

"Edward," she squealed as she ran down the garden path. "Oh my God, you decided to come."

I just nodded in response, not trusting my voice anymore.

"And no Tanya," Alice noted, her eyebrows raised.

I didn't respond to Alice. Instead I just dropped my head into my hands and rubbed my face.

"Edward," asked Alice again, concern seeping into the edges of her voice. "Are you okay? Edward?"

I looked at Alice and uttered one word, the only thing I could bring myself to say at the time. I was hoping it would do to explain enough until I got inside and was actually ready to tell the full story.

"Bella," I said, closing my eyes in an attempt to stop Alice from seeing to pain I was in.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so major major apologys about the time frame in which this chapter appeared!**

**I do have a reason, and for those of you who have been reading my live journal for updates - you will already know it.**

**I saw the Twilight movie and I must say, I did not like it. I thought it was awkward and not at all like I had imagined the book in my mind, but what movie ever is? However, I have now watched said movie a few more times (thought I would give it the benefit of the doubt) and it has grown on me. **

**So I am back to writing, and I promise that the next chapter will appear within 10 days. (I would say a week but I am going to have myself a three day leeway!! But I'm really aiming for a week!)**

**So, as always, please review, those who review get a sneak peek of my next chapter - and I am back at my own house now - and near constant internet access - so review replies will come sooner than they have been!! And... check my live journal for updates on the stories!!**

**Avery xoxo**


	14. Bella and Charlie Talk

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

**

* * *

**

BELLA'S POV

I sat on the couch in the small living area of the apartment Emma and I occupied and put my head in my hands. I felt the couch give slightly as Steph sat down beside me and pushed a steaming cup of coffee into my hands.

"What have I done Steph?"

Steph didn't reply to my question, instead shot me a look filled with pity.

"My entire life has pretty much fallen apart all in one day," I turned to face Steph before I spoke again. "He just looked so hurt, and I did that."

"You always knew there was a possibility that someone would find out one day," soothed Steph, rubbing my shoulder slightly.

"Yeah, but today? Wasn't finding out my baby has leukaemia," I stopped momentarily, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat before I spoke again. "Wasn't finding out my baby has leukaemia enough?"

"I don't know Bells, I really don't," replied Steph sadly.

"I should call Charlie," I whispered quietly, my head leaning on Steph's shoulder.

"Steph," I asked after a minute or two of silence. "Did I do the right thing? Should I have told Edward about Emma when I first found out I was pregnant?"

"I can't answer that for you Bells. Only you have the answer to that question. Just remember why you did it. No matter how hurt Edward is right now, you have to remember why you did what you did at the time."

"Somehow I don't think Edward is going to be overly impressed by my telling him that I didn't inform him of his daughter's existence for his own good," I replied dryly.

"Yeah, but do you think he would be a doctor if you had?" Asked Steph.

"Maybe," I mulled, mostly to myself. "But probably not. We would have gotten married, or something like that, and college would have taken the backseat to providing for Emma and I."

"You need to sit down with Edward and really explain everything to him. He needs to know, whether he was to or not, why you acted how you did."

"But Steph, I acted awfully. I mean, honestly, you didn't see me on the last day of high school Edward and Alice had always been there for me, and I was horrible to them."

"Just remember your reasons Bells. What's done is done, but you can't go second guessing yourself now. It's not fair to you or to Emma. She needs you to be strong right now."

I gave Steph a small nod as I got up from the couch. Wordlessly I walked over to a storage cupboard in the hallway leading to the bedrooms and pulled a box down from the top shelf. Holding the box steadily in my arms I returned to the couch and sat back down besides Steph, placing the box on the coffee table in from of me.

"Bells," asked Steph, sending me a questioning glance.

"I never wanted him to completely miss out on seeing her grow up," I replied quietly. Slowly opening the box that had stayed hidden from my sight for so long I leant out the way so Steph could see in. In the box were five photo albums, each a different bright colour, as well as a stack of home DVDs that I had had all of my home movies of Emma burnt onto once.

"He needs to see this Bells, he needs to know."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough Steph, I really don't," I dropped my head into my hands and let out a sob. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to let him into our lives," I admitted.

"I don't think you have a choice anymore," said Steph, her tone conveying sympathy to me.

I pulled a sixth book out of the box and rested it upon my lap. On the front cover was a picture of Emma just after she had been born when she was in hospital. This was Emma's baby book, chronicling her first years. I had made two of these books, knowing that if I ever ran into Edward again, provided he wanted to be part of our lives, I would want him to have one.

I opened the cover of the book to the title page, on which I had written Edward a message all those years ago when I had first started the book. I ran my hand over the writing, which I had spent hours perfecting in pencil before I had finally convinced myself to write it in pen.

'_Dear Edward,_

_They say a picture can say a thousand words. I hope this is true, because pictures and documented words are all I have to offer you of our baby's first years. She really is gorgeous._

_Bella xoxo'_

I had been hesitant about the note at first, I mean, what did you write in a book that you weren't even sure anyone was ever going to get? Plus there was the fact that the entire reason he had not been there to see these things himself, or at least had the chance to be there, was me. I was the one who had shut him from Emma's life. Even if I had had the best intentions, I still knew just how hurt he had to be feeling at the moment.

Not only did Edward just find out he had a daughter, but at the same time, he found out that she had a life threatening cancer, a disease which, I was sure with him being a doctor and all, he had seen take the lives of children before. At least I had had five tremendous years with our daughter before this bombshell was dropped.

"Bella," started Steph, pulling my attention away from my thoughts. "You need to get some sleep now, okay?"

I nodded at her.

"I'll call you tomorrow," said Steph as she got up, picking up our two empty coffee mugs with her. I followed her into the kitchen where she put the mugs on the kitchen sink and turned to face me again.

"You can get through this Bells. And you will. You just have to believe in yourself."

**

* * *

**

I was sitting at my office desk, twenty minutes after Steph had left, trying to build up the nerve to call Charlie and Renee. I wanted to talk to them, I needed for them to tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I knew that they wouldn't be able to tell me that, and I wasn't sure that I was going to be strong enough to actually tell them.

I took a deep breath and picked up the phone for the sixth time since I had been sitting here. I punched in Charlie's number and waited as I heard the familiar sound against my ear that indicated the phone was ringing. After five rings Charlie answered the phone, sounding somewhat out of breath.

"Hello, who is this, is everything okay?" Asked Charlie in a somewhat frantic voice.

I frowned in slight confusion and then noticed the time. It was just after midnight. Charlie would have had a heart attack to have his phone ring at this time of the night. Of course he would assume that it was bad news.

"Daddy," I whispered into the phone before breaking down into sobs.

"Bella?" Asked Charlie, and worry seeping into his voice. "Is everything okay? Is Emma okay?"

I composed myself to some degree so that I could talk to Charlie.

"No Daddy, nothing is okay. Daddy, my baby is sick." The last sentence set me off into another round of sobs.

"Sick how Bells," asked Charlie in a softer, more calming voice.

"Cancer," I whispered, not willing to say the word loudly, as though it would make it more real, more dangerous. "Leukaemia."

"Oh Bella," replied Charlie, his voice conveying such a level of sadness and despair that I almost had to hold the phone away from my ear in order to hold myself together.

"Daddy," I said again, "that's not all."

Charlie didn't reply, I knew he was waiting for me to speak again. I knew he was wondering what on earth I could possibly be putting on the same level as my baby girl having cancer.

"I saw Edward today."

I heard Charlie let out a deep breath. I could almost picture him with his head in one hand, his thumb and forefinger pressing against each side of his forehead.

"You saw Edward," Charlie repeated. "As in, he was across the street and you saw him, and then you both walked away?" He asked hopefully.

"As in he was one of Emma's doctors and now knows about her," I corrected.

Charlie sighed into the phone.

"You knew this was going to happen eventually Bella. And now you have to deal with it. It's not fair that both of these thing are happening to you at once, but you are going to have to deal with them as best you can. Edward at the very least deserves some type of explanation."

"Dad," I started, ready to defend my actions again. Charlie had never fully agreed with my decision to keep Edward out of Emma's life.

"No Bells," interrupted Charlie. "I know you did what you thought was right, and everything worked out for you. But Edward knows now, and whether you like it or not, you do owe him at least an explanation of why you did what you did. Don't shut him out Bella."

"I'm not going to," I replied hotly, annoyed that Charlie would take Edward's side over mine. "I thought you would at least be on my side," I added mulishly.

"Bells," laughed Charlie slightly into the phone, "I will always be on your side. But I'm just saying maybe you should try to look at this from Edward's point of view. You didn't leave on the best terms, and for Emma's sake, if nothing else, you need to talk to Edward. She deserves to have a father in her life."

I winced at the memories Charlie was invoking within me. Sighing, I knew Charlie was right. I did have to talk to Edward, but I was going to give him a few days at least to process things, and give him the chance to come to me, like he said he was going to. I nodded, before realising Charlie couldn't see me over the phone.

"I know Dad," I replied. "And I will talk to him. He told me earlier he wanted time to process things, and then he would talk to me, so I'm going to give him a bit of time to do that before I go trying to bang down his door."

Charlie chuckled into the phone.

"Do you need me to come down to LA Bells?" Charlie asked.

I knew what he was referring to, even with the sudden and unannounced topic change.

"How do I get through this?" I asked in a small voice, tears gathering in my eyes and a lump forming in my throat.

"There is no easy way Bells, you just have to do the best you can, and be brave for Emma."

"Thanks Dad. You stay in Forks for now, there is nothing you can do right now, I think Mom and Phil were planning on visiting in the next week or so anyway, so I'll have people around to help, and Steph's here."

I could feel Charlie almost nodding his approval down the phone. A soft smile spread across my face. Charlie held the same sort of soft spot for Steph that he had had for Alice when I was still living in Forks and at high school. They had met on numerous occasions and got along famously.

"Anyway," I continued. "I think, depending on what all of the doctors say and how treatment is planned, that I was to bring Emma up to Forks for a visit soon. After all, now Edward knows, and I want her to see Forks, where we lived. It will be a nice break for us both."

"Of course Bella," replied Charlie. "You call me if you need anything at all, okay? Even if it is just a kind ear, and time doesn't matter. Call me at 2:29am if you feel the desperate need to, okay?"

"Thanks Dad," I replied, glad that I had such supportive family and friends.

"Goodnight Bells. Give my little angel a kiss on the cheek for me and tell her I miss her."

"Will do Dad, she'll be sorry she missed talking to you, I'm sure she will call soon for a chat. Bye."

Hanging up the phone I felt a wave of nostalgia wash over me. I wished fervently that I was back in high school, back in Forks, living in Charlie's house. Back when everything was much more simple.

Sighing I replaced the phone in it's cradle so I could find it next time it rang and made my way to my bedroom. As I passed Emma's room I stopped and quietly walked in. Standing next to my baby girl's bed, I lent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, just like Charlie had asked me to, and pulled her sheet up to her shoulder.

Wiping a piece of hair out of her face and to the side, I whispered goodnight, and backed out of the room, my eyes not leaving Emma's sleeping body until the door closed, blocking my view.

* * *

**A/N: So, it took a little longer than I hoped to get this chapter up - and it is a bit of a filler chapter, but it really needed to happen in order to get the story where I wanted it to be. There was really nowhere else I could happily put Charlie's conversation with Bella. **

**(Just in case anyone didn't realise - this is taking place before Edward goes to Forks - so Bella and Charlie have had this conversation before Charlie sees Edward in the diner!! This is just Bella's POV after the hospital, like last chapter was Edward's POV after the hospital)**

**I had a bit of a hard time writing their phone call - which is the reason for the slight delay. I couldn't convey the proper emotion and bond they have for so long, but I'm happy with it now :)**

**My new aim for chapter is 2 weeks (which was the time frame I managed this one in!). Partly because I like to write them, leave them a little, then come back and read them over again, edit them, fix anything I think read funny, etc. And partly because in about 2 weeks I go back to university - so I want to have at least a little bit of chapter sixteen written before then (though I am aiming for a fair bit more than that) so that if I get really really busy in the first couple of weeks of uni (which I will) you guys won't have to wait ages for me to find time to sit down and write out the next chapter.**

**Like usual - anyone who reviews will get a sneak peek of the next chapter, so please please please review! It motivates me so so much :)**

**Hope everyone is having a good summer/winter!**

**Avery xoxo**


	15. Family Reactions

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

* * *

EDWARD'S POV

"Alice," I said, concentrating hard on keeping my voice from breaking. "I don't know what to do. For so long, I've wondered, hoped. I just…"

I let my voice taper off, hoping Alice would know what I was trying to convey. Alice and I were sitting outside in my parent's garden. I had wanted to tell Alice before I told everyone else. After all, Alice had been Bella's best friend, she had been as hurt as I had been when Bella left.

"She was pregnant," stated Alice, not for the first time since I had told her of Bella's deceit.

"Yes Alice, my girlfriend was pregnant with my child when she left Forks five years ago. When she told us she didn't want to see either of us anymore, she was carrying my child," I growled, frustration leaking into my voice.

I sighed as I watched Alice raise her eyebrows at me.

"I'm sorry Alice," I apologised. "I don't mean to snap, I just don't know what to do."

I put my head in my hands, growling in frustration. I felt Alice place one of her hands on my back, attempting to comfort me. I clenched my jaw, aware that tears were about to roll down my face. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to feel weak. And most of all, I didn't want to admit to anyone, not even to myself, that Bella still had that type of power over me.

"I hate her so much," I whispered angrily, my head still in my hands.

"No you don't," replied Alice simply.

I lifted my head from my hands, my expression conveying only shock at what Alice had just said.

"Excuse me?" I asked, my voice incredulous. Who was Alice to presume she knew such things? Wasn't she meant to be on my side? Bella had been Alice's best friend, shouldn't Alice hate her as well?

"You don't hate Bella," she repeated in the same calm and simple tone. "You may wish you hated her. But you don't."

"Alice," I hissed, frowning at her as I unconsciously leant my body away from my sister. "You have no idea what I am feeling at the moment."

"No," replied Alice, "I don't know what you're feeling. But that doesn't change the fact that I know you Edward, and you don't hate her. You couldn't."

I looked at Alice, unable to believe what my sister was saying.

"You're meant to be on my side," I said, my voice dangerously low.

"Edward," replied Alice seriously. "I am on your side. And I will always be on your side. What Bella did was wrong. I'm angry at her as well. She was my best friend, and she should have known that she could have talked to either of us, instead of shutting us out. But she didn't. She chose to leave. But hating her won't change that. You can be angry with her, but you could never hate her. You have the chance to be a part of the rest of your daughter's life. That should be what you're thinking about."

I felt my heart drop as I heard Alice speak. The rest of my daughter's life, who knew how long that would be. Alice was right, although I wasn't overly willing to admit that. I didn't hate Bella. I hated the decision she made, but I didn't hate Bella. I couldn't.

"Alice," I started, unable to think of how exactly to tell my sister that my newly found daughter was dying by degrees. "Alice, Emma, she's…" My voice broke before I was able to say anything more.

Alice, filled with concern, pulled me into a hug.

"She's sick Alice," I whispered, not able to talk above a whisper for fear that my voice would break again.

"She'll get better," replied Alice soothingly, though I could tell from her voice that she was afraid of what I would say next. "She's a kid, kids are resilient."

"No Alice, she's really sick."

Alice looked at me, confusion showing in her golden eyes. I continued when she didn't speak.

"She has leukaemia," I said. As I spoke, tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over, cascading down my face. It was the first time since I had found out that Emma was my daughter that I had admitted out loud that she had leukaemia, that she was dying.

"Oh Edward," replied Alice, tears forming in her own eyes. "I'm so sorry."

I shrugged, trying to brush off Alice's sympathies, sure that they would make me even more emotional.

"Imagine how Bella must be feeling now," she whispered quietly.

The flow of tears streaming down my face ebbed and my previous anger at her returned as she spoke. Imagine how Bella must be feeling? Why did every second thing she said have to come back to Bella and how she must be doing?

"Alice," I said again, meaning it to be a warning.

"Edward, I am always on your side. But think about this for a moment. Bella has given up everything for this child. She gave up the chance to do college like a normal kid, she gave up you…"

At this I snorted, interrupting Alice's speech. Alice glared at me.

"I'm serious Edward. Look, I'm not happy about what Bella did, but at least everything finally makes sense. Bella loved you, and I'm sure if you spoke to her she would have reasons for why she acted like she did. They may not be very good ones, but I'm sure she has them. I'm willing to bet that Emma is the most important thing in the world to Bella, and now she is sick. On top of that, you've returned. I'm not saying you have to forgive her instantly, or that you have to be best friends. I'm just saying that you need to think about how she must be feeling right now."

"I don't want to think about her," I replied mulishly. I knew I sounded like a child, but quite frankly, at the moment I did not care.

"Edward," replied Alice solemnly as she stood up from the bench we were seated upon. "You only just found out about Emma, and look at your reaction to her being sick. Imagine if you had known her her entire life. If you had fed her, bathed her, clothed her, sat up with her all night when she had nightmares. Imagine if after all that, you found out she was dying, and would possibly do so before you. Think about it."

I sat on the bench, feeling shocked as I watched Alice walk away from me and back into the house. Telling Alice had not gone as I had planned for it to go in my mind. In my mind Alice was shocked, angry at Bella, and full of sympathy for me. Alice had still been shocked and full of sympathy, but she didn't hold that anger towards Bella that I wanted her to, that I needed her too. I wasn't ready to think of things from Bella's side. I felt too betrayed.

I wondered vaguely to myself what the reaction of the rest of my family was going to be when I told them. I snorted, there wasn't even any point trying to predict it. After Alice's reaction I wasn't game on trying to foresee how anyone would react to the news that I had a daughter with Bella, and that this daughter was terminally ill.

**

* * *

**

I looked around the dining room table, at everyone laughing and smiling. Alice and I were the only ones who were slightly subdued. I had been battling with myself as to how to tell everyone all afternoon. Telling Alice had not gone as I had planned, and she had given me a lot to think about. I decided just to rip of the bandaid.

"I have a daughter," I called out over the racket of everybody's talking and laughter.

Esme choked on her drink. Alice, how had been sitting next to our mother, hit her lightly on the back.

"Nice tact Edward," muttered Alice sarcastically. I pulled a face at her in response.

"You mean, Tanya?" asked Carlisle, trying to make sense of what I had just said.

"No, Tanya is not pregnant," I replied, somewhat shocked that anyone in my family had even considered the notion that Tanya would be pregnant. I wondered to myself why I was shocked at the idea of my family thinking my fiancée was possibly pregnant. When I thought of Tanya, I just didn't think of the nurturing type.

"Bella had a four year old daughter," I replied quietly.

"Bella has a daughter," repeater Esme quietly. "You have a daughter," she continued, speaking almost to herself, as though she was trying to make sense of everything.

I glanced around the table. Poor Jasper. He was just sitting there, not knowing what to say or do. I felt sorry for the guy. The one weekend Alice had chosen to bring him to Forks to meet the family was the weekend I decided to drop a bombshell like this.

"She tracked you down then?" asked Emmett from the other end of the table. I had almost forgotten that he was here.

"No," I replied, "it was more of a mistake that I saw her."

I saw a glare form on Emmett's face. I knew what he was thinking. Unlike Alice, Emmett was much less likely to see Bella's side of the story. This was the reaction that I had been hoping for. The reaction that I had wanted from Alice, but that she had failed to give me. I was shocked to realise that although this was the reaction I had hoped for, I felt as though I wanted to defend Bella against Emmett.

"So she was never planning on telling you?" asked Emmett bitterly.

"Emmett, I don't know, okay? I haven't really spoken to her yet. Chill, okay," I replied, trying to placate my older brother.

He just looked in my direction, shook his head and stormed out of the room. I watched him go, wide eyed.

"Don't worry about him," replied Esme kindly. "Tell us about your daughter. Is she beautiful? Oh, I bet she is gorgeous."

I watched in shock as my mother went off into her own little dreamland, imagining what her granddaughter looked like. I should have guessed what her reaction would be after the way Alice had reacted.

"She is gorgeous," I replied, both happy and sad at my mother's reaction. I loved that my mother wanted to know about Emma, but at the same time, it just made telling them she was sick even harder. "She has beautiful curly brown hair, and her eyes are exactly like mine."

I paused for a moment, knowing that if I was going to tell them about Emma being sick, it was now or never.

"And she's sick," I whispered softly. So softly that I wasn't sure anyone would be able to hear me. But they did. I could see on their faces. "That's how I saw them. My daughter has leukaemia."

I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes, breathing heavily. Telling my family that Emma was sick had been much harder than telling them that she existed. Which didn't really make all that much sense. Shouldn't I have been more worried about how they would react to the fact that I had a four year old daughter that I had never met, and only just found out about?

I felt a pair of hands rub my back, meant to comfort me. I lifted my head from my hands, to see who it was, although really already knowing it would be my mother. Esme looked down at me, her eyes full of pity. A lump formed in my throat. Seeing such pity in my mother's eyes made everything harder to deal with.

"You can do this Edward," she said softly. "Talk to Bella, you need to be there for Bella and your daughter."

"Emma," I whispered. "Her name is Emma."

**

* * *

**

"Hey," I said as I walked into Alice's room. Alice wasn't in there, she was downstairs helping Esme with the washing up from dinner, but Jasper was. I'd been looking for the poor guy for a while now so that I could apologise to him, explain that I was not completely crazy.

"Hi," he replied, glancing up from the back cover of a book he was reading.

"Sorry about before," I said, motioning my hands downstairs. "This was a bit of a crazy time for me to spring this on everyone, what with you just meeting everyone and all. I didn't mean to make you feel out of place or anything."

Jasper just shook his head, sending me a small smile.

"Don't worry man, this is your family. You needed them, I understand. Anyway," he added, his voice letting a little bit of laughter into it, "you managed to take the spotlight off me, and for that I am eternally grateful. Your brother, Emmett. He is one scary man."

I laughed at the look on Jasper's face. I could see how he would view Emmett as being rather intimidating. Emmett had always been overly protective of Alice, with her being the youngest of the three of us and a girl.

"Yeah," I replied, mentally kicking myself. I had forgotten completely about Emmett's reaction at dinner until Jasper had just brought up his name. "I'd actually better go and talk to him, he wasn't overly impressed with me earlier."

Jasper nodded, and went back to reading the back cover of the book he was holding.

Wandering out into the hallway, I pondered over what I was going to say to Emmett. After all, he was the only one who actually had the reaction I had wanted, and now it felt as though his was the only reaction I was resenting.

Sighing as I reached his door, I raised my hand and knocked.

"Come in," came a voice which still sounded annoyed from the other side of the door.

"Emmett," I started, still not having decided on what I was going to say next. "Emmett, I need you not to be annoyed with me right now. You're my only brother."

"Exactly Edward, I'm your only brother. And I saw how you were when she left like she did. And how you were for the months after that. And even how you are with Tanya now."

I stared at Emmett, shocked that he had noticed so much. After Bella has left, I had thrown myself into becoming a doctor, like Carlisle had wanted me to, and I had never thought that anyone in my family had seen through the wall I had put up. I didn't think anyone had seen how much I had missed Bella, or how much it had hurt me.

The last part was what got my most attention. How I was with Tanya now? What did he mean by that? I was tossing up whether or not to ask him what he had meant when he spoke again. I decided to drop it, thinking I probably wouldn't like the answer he would give.

"Are you just going to forgive her now?" asked Emmett, his voice no longer angry. Instead, he just sounded confused.

"I'm not just going to forgive Bella for what she's done Emmett, I am so angry with her that it isn't funny. But what I have to focus on right now is the fact that I have a daughter. Not the fact that Bella has lied to me."

"If she hadn't lied to you you'd already know about this girl," muttered Emmett.

"Emma," I replied. "Her name is Emma."

"Whatever."

"No Emmett," I said, my voice steely. I was starting to get really angry with him now. "Not whatever. Emma is my daughter, regardless of what Bella did. She is your niece and she had done nothing wrong."

Emmett looked up at me then, shocked at the way I had stood up to him and defended Emma.

"Sorry man," he replied emotionlessly as he turned his glance back to the ceiling he had been staring at when I entered the room.

"She's sick Emmett. My daughter has cancer. That's how I found out. I was at the hospital, working, when they came in. I don't know if Bella was planning on telling me, or when, if she was. But at the moment, that doesn't matter. Emma does."

As soon as I had finished talking, I turned and walked out of Emmett's room before I said something I regretted. I knew I shouldn't blame him completely for the way he was reacting, but I couldn't help but be so angry with him right now.

**

* * *

**

The next day was like a normal family day. No one brought up Emma all morning, knowing that I would bring it up first if I wanted to talk about it. I was grateful that they were giving me time. The last thing I wanted was everyone all over me, wanting to talk, trying to make things better.

Not that Esme wasn't trying to do that silently. She was baking my favourite cakes, and had prepared a massive hot breakfast. Every time I met her eyes I could see the longing in them. She so wanted to talk to me about it all, but she was respecting my space, for now anyway. I sighed, wondering how long that would last. Knowing my mother, not long. I was actually rather impressed that she had been able to bite her tongue for as long as she had.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Emmett since I had snapped at him in his room last night. Alice had told me to just give him time.

I decided late morning to go for a drive into town. Esme need custard power for a recipe she was making, and I had offered to go in and get it for her. On my way out I decided to stop at the diner and grab a cup of coffee.

Once I had finished ordering and paid, I glanced around the diner as I waited for my coffee to be made. Seeing Charlie sitting in the corner I gritted my teeth. Of course I should have thought he would be here. It was lunch time, and Charlie had never been much of a cook himself.

I walked over to him, intent of actually talking to him this time, whether he wanted me to or not. Sitting down opposite him in the booth, I sat there silently for a moment and just stared at him.

"Edward," he greeted, sighing. I decided that by this greeting Bella must have filled him in on everything. Oh course she had, Bella and Charlie had always been close.

"You knew," I accused harshly.

"Yes, I did," he replied simply.

I gritted my teeth again. This was going to be harder that I thought.

"I did know Edward. But she asked me not to say anything. You need to talk to her yourself. I know you want some time to process everything,…" At this I went to interrupt him, suddenly very angry. Where did he get off telling me I had to talk to Bella? Charlie held up his hand, silencing me before I had a chance to interrupt. I closed my mouth again and let him continue.

"You may not like her reasons, but she has them Edward. Whether you agree with them or not, you still need to hear them. Look," Charlie sighed, his voice becoming softer and more sympathetic. "I resented Renee so much when she took Bella away from me when she was little."

"At least you knew she existed," I muttered, unable to keep my mouth shut for that one.

"You're right," agreed Charlie. At this I snapped my head up, shocked that Charlie would agree with me. "Don't look so shocked. Maybe I did know she existed, but my resentment of her mother almost cost me a relationship with my daughter. I was so angry with her for so long, and it almost cost me Bella."

I stared at Charlie.

"You want me just to forgive her and forget that she didn't tell me I had a child?" I asked, my voice disbelieving.

"Not what I'm say," replied Charlie. "But remember. Bella is Emma's mother, and she is all Emma has had for four years. All she had known. I'm not saying that's your fault, but it is the truth. Emma loves Bella, so if you want a chance at a real relationship with your daughter, you can't harbour strong resentment for Bella. Kids are perceptive, Emma especially so. She won't take well to someone who hates her mother."

I stayed silent as Charlie finished talking. I knew Charlie had a point, but I didn't want to admit that to him. When I didn't say anything, Charlie spoke again.

"Bella is all she has had. All she has known,' he repeated. A waitress placed my takeaway coffee on the table in front of me. I thanked her as she walked away. Looking up at Charlie I spoke.

"Whose fault is that?" I asked. Picking up my coffee, I got up and walked out of the diner without looking back.

As I got into the driver's door of my car I rested my head against the steering wheel. I knew what Charlie was saying was true, but that didn't mean I had to like it. Starting the engine, I vowed to call Bella to talk as soon as I got back to LA. I didn't want to waste anymore time I had with Emma.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I gave in and posted this chapter earlier than I had originally planned. I couldn't help myself!!**

**Hope everyone enjoyes the chapter - I had a better time writing this chapter from Edward's POV than I did of the last chapter that I had written from his POV. The next chapter is going to be in Alice's POV, I think she is going to become a bigger part of the story from now on :)**

**As per usual; everyone who reviews gets a sneak peek and remember... the more reviews I get, the more motivated I become and the sooner the next chapter will appear!!!!**

**Avery xoxo**


	16. Alice

**_DISCLAIMER:_ _I own nothing..._**

ALICE'S POV

I sat on the floor of my bedroom, next to a window which stretched right from the floor to the ceiling. Staring out into the forest that surrounded my parent's house beyond it's manicured gardens, I tried to make sense of the morning.

I had spent the last however many hours being strong. Begin strong for Edward, being strong for Mom. Being strong for everyone around me. I was Alice, the voice of reason. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't be strong anymore. Which was why I had shut myself in my bedroom and was spending my time staring out the window.

I had spent years wondering what it was that had made Bella act in the way she had. I had dreamed up so many different scenarios. Surprisingly enough, her being pregnant had never crossed my mind.

I had told Edward to think of it from Bella's point of view. To think of what she must be going through. I had told him that I was sure that she had her reason's. That she must have acted the way she did for a reason.

I was a hypocrite. I didn't believe anything I had told Edward. I was so hurt by what Bella had done that I was having a hard time existing at the moment. It would have been better in many ways if none of us had ever seen Bella again. If she had just stayed a part of our past, a mystery that no one in the family had ever been able to solve.

I always thought that it would be better to know the real reason Bella left. That it would give some sort of closure. It hadn't. It had opened a whole can of worms that I had worked so hard to close for all these years.

Hearing a soft knock on my bedroom door, and the turning of the hinges as the door swung open, I quickly wiped the sides of my face, getting rid of the traitor tears that I hadn't noticed earlier. I didn't bother turning around to see who it was that had entered my room. I didn't want anyone in my family to know how upset I was, and I knew that if I looked at them, and they saw my eyes, it would be a dead give away that I had been upset and crying. Whoever had entered was bound to say something at some point.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and realised that it was Jasper who had entered my bedroom. I had almost forgotten Jasper was here with me in all the drama that had happened over the course of the last 24 hours.

"It's going to be okay," he said softly, looking straight into my eyes as he spoke. I didn't know what it was, but there was something about the way he looked at me as he spoke that made me believe him.

"How can you know that?" I asked timidly. I was so afraid of everything at the moment. I was afraid my entire life was about to fall apart. "I'm a hypocrite," I admitted softly to Jasper. I felt so much better once I had said it, once I had finally voiced the one feeling that had been bugging me all day.

"How so?" he asked. I felt a wave of relief fall over me. So many other people would have immediately insisted that that was not true, tell me that I wasn't a hypocrite, and how could I even think like that? But Jasper understood me in a way that only one other person ever had before. Jasper understood me like Bella had. I pushed that thought from my mind, not wanting to return to thoughts of Bella's departure. They had been on my mind almost 24/7 over the past day.

"I told Edward he didn't hate Bella. That he couldn't hate her. I told him that he had to listen to the reasons she had for acting the way she did. I acted so nonchalant, so calm," I stopped momentarily and looked up at Jasper, trying to ascertain how he was taking this so far. His face was schooled blank of emotion. Sighing, I continued. "But I don't believe a thing I have been saying. I am so angry with her that it isn't funny. She was my best friend, did she really think it was so bad that she couldn't talk to me?"

"Like you told Edward," started Jasper. I opened my mouth to interrupt, to remind him that I had just told him that I believed nothing of what I had said. Raising a finger to my lips, he shushed me and continued. "Whether you believe what you said or not you were right. Like you told Edward, Bella will have reasons for doing what she did. She's not completely heartless."

"You've never met her," I pointed out.

"No," he replied, with a smile on his face as he stared straight into my eyes. "But I know you sweetheart. And she was your best friend for years. I refuse to believe that someone you were best friends with was an awful person. You need to hear those reasons as well Alice. You need to do this for you, because at the moment you're helping everyone else, and it's eating you alive. You've just spent the last however long shut in your room crying to yourself."

"How did you…" I trailed off, my voice surprised, but not needing to finish my sentence. He would know what I was saying.

"Tear tracks," he whispered, tracing a jagged line down my left cheek.

I let out a small sigh and rested my head on his shoulder.

"There's someone I need to talk to," I said softly, although not making any attempts to remove my head from his shoulder.

* * *

I beat my fist against the wooden door, willing myself not to think about how familiar it felt to be here, on this porch, knocking on this door. I could hear footsteps in the corridor. I felt my heart start to race. There was still time to run away. Was I strong enough to do this?

"Alice," came a voice as the door opened. I looked up at Charlie and smiled. He looked so much older than when I had last seen him, yet he still looked like the same old Charlie. Lines crinkled around his eyes as he smiled at me and motioned for me to come into the house.

I obliged, stepping across the threshold. I closed my eyes momentarily as a wave of memories and emotion hit me full force. Willing myself to be strong I opened them. Charlie had already closed the door behind me and was standing, waiting patiently for me to be ready to move.

Seeing me open my eyes again, Charlie started to walk down the corridor into the living room.

"Have a seat," he offered. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"Water please," I responded. I still felt so at home sitting in this living room, talking to Charlie. It was as though time simply had no meaning at all. It felt like I was still in high school. As though Bella was about to come bounding back down the stairs any second.

"Here you are," said Charlie as he handed me a tall glass of water, effectively breaking me out of my daydreams.

"Thank-you," I whispered.

I took a sip of water, wondering where to start, what to say. I hadn't planned far enough ahead as to what I was going to say or do once I got here. I had only made the decision to come. I cleared my throat and started to talk, since Charlie was obviously waiting for me to start the conversation.

"Why?" I asked, unable to put everything I wanted to know into a plausible question. I didn't know where to start. There were so many questions. Luckily Charlie seemed to understand what I was trying to ask.

"I can only answer my parts of that question Alice. The rest you will have to ask Bella about yourself," he said kindly.

I felt a stab of pain hit my gut.

"She's hidden from me for five years Charlie. What makes you think she is going to want to answer any of my questions?"

"Because I know her, and I know you. And because you are Emma's aunt. Because regardless of what had happened, you are still one of her best friends, and you always will be." Charlie paused momentarily before continuing. "There is no use information coming to you, or to Edward, through me or any other second hand source. You both need to hear it straight from Bella's mouth. She is the only one that knows all of her reasons."

"I miss her," I admitted softly, kicking myself while I did. That was the one thing I had sworn I would not admit, not to myself, not to others. But I had now, and there was no taking it back. Whoever said the truth can set you free was lying. The truth doesn't make you feel better, it makes you feel worse.

"I'm sorry I lied to you Alice. I didn't necessarily agree with every decision Bella had made over the last five years, she is my daughter, I have supported her, no matter what she chose. But I do regret having to lie to you."

"You didn't really lie," I replied, pointing out the obvious. "You just kind of disappeared from my life. And then when I did see you, you made sure you got away from me as quickly as you could." I laughed slightly as I remembered one particular time when Charlie had tried to get away from me after Bella had first left.

"A lie of omission," Charlie chuckled.

I felt immense guilt wash over me as I realised I was laughing, smiling. Charlie noticed my sudden change in demeanour, and a look of concern crossed his face.

"You don't have to feel guilty," he said softly. I scowled. I hated that Charlie had always been able to read me like an open book. "This is not you Alice. This sad, crying girl. This isn't who you are. You need to be you."

I stared at him, knowing he was right. I wasn't the type of person who stayed sad about something for long. I was a happy, jovial person. The only thing I had ever stayed upset about was Bella. And I had become extremely good at hiding my sadness.

I nodded smiling slightly.

"Alice," started Charlie tentatively. "Can you do me a favour?"

"Depends what it is," I replied, raising my eyebrows. I wasn't about to commit to something before I heard the terms, especially not at the moment.

"Edward needs to talk to Bella. So do you. Please Alice, make sure he talks to her. He'll regret it if he doesn't."

I nodded, noticing the look of immense sadness cross Charlie's face. I'd gotten everything I needed. I stood from my chair.

"I'll try Charlie. But I make no promises."

Charlie nodded in return, knowing that was the nest he could have hoped for when asking what he did of me. He got up from his lounge chair to show me to the front door. As I placed my hand on the door handle, I stopped. Turing back to face Charlie, I asked one more question. A question whose answer I had wondered for years.

"The letters," I said quietly, not knowing how exactly to ask what it was I wanted to know.

"Bella got every single one of them Alice," replied Charlie kindly.

I nodded, mostly to myself.

"Thank-you," I murmured as I opened the door. Then, without looking back, I walked back down the garden path I had know so well during high school and got into my car. Turning the key, I listened to the familiar hum of the engine before I shifted into drive and sped off down the street.

* * *

I walked into my room to find Jasper lying on my bed, reading a book he had found.

"Hi," I said tentatively. I had pretty much abandoned him today. I was starting to feel guilty. After all, I brought him here with me for the weekend so that he could meet my family, and see where I grew up, but instead the whole weekend had turned into a complete shambles and I had fallen apart myself.

"Hi," he replied, smiling at he as he put down his book and sat up on the bed, patting the pace next to him. I grinned, glad he didn't seem annoyed at me and skipped towards the bed.

"Jasper," I started uneasily. I wasn't sure of how to tell him that I was planning on going from here straight to LA.

"You're going to see her aren't you?" he asked kindly. I tried to hide the shock that I knew had appeared on my face. It always amazed me just how well Jasper knew me.

"How did you?"

"Alice, you've been so upset about this, the next logical step is for you to talk to Bella. You need this. I'll fly home alone and you can meet me back there once you've been to LA," he paused for a moment, before hastily continuing. "Of course, if you wanted me to come with you to LA I would do that instead."

"No thanks," I replied, a soft smile spreading across my face. "I think this is something I need to do on my own."

* * *

**A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I did post it a little later than I had originally planned, but as I predicted, university had been crazy! I was so eager and excited to get back to it, but I have come to my senses once again and am impatiently waiting for the next break (only 5 weeks and counting...)!!!**

**I have an idea of what chapter seventeen is going to be, but I have unfortunately not started writing it as of yet. I am once again hoping to have it up within two weeks of this chapter being posted, but that may or may not happen. I have already gotten three large assignments and in one of my classes I have an assessment EVERY WEEK which is (each week) worth ~4-5% of my final grade. So ~10% of my grade for one of my classes has already been decided, a fact that I find thoroughly depressing!! However, once I know more about how my stories will progress, I will post details on my homepage!**

**As per usual, all who review will get a sneak peek of chapter 17!!**

**Hope everyone is well and enjoying whatever they are doing these days :)**

**Avery xoxo**


	17. Back to LA

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

EDWARD'S POV

I walked into the foyer of my parent's house, having spent the last 45 minutes walking around the gardens, trying to figure out just when it was that my life had started to completely unravel.

I hadn't been able to pinpoint a time, or not a recent one anyway. Every time I thought I definitely knew when everything started to get so complicated, I remembered something that had happened before that moment.

I had come to the succinct conclusion that it had been graduation day that my life had started to disintegrate. I'd just done a really good job at hiding it and living in denial until now. However, using denial as a coping method only works until confronted with the very thing that is being denied. In my case it was Bella.

And now that I had seen her, now that we had spoken and I knew the very basic reason that she had left the way she had, I had no choice but to actually deal with it. Something I would much rather not do.

I looked up as I walked across the foyer, only to be stopped in my tracks at the sight of Alice, standing in the middle of the foyer with packed bags sitting by her feet.

A lump formed instantaneously in my throat. I knew where Alice was planning on going. She would be going to LA to see Bella. For a reason unknown to myself, a sudden wave on anger swept over me.

Alice must have seen my abrupt change in mood because she quickly started speaking before I had a chance to blow up at her.

"Edward," she started, taking a step towards me. I immediately took a step backwards so as to keep the distance between us. Alice sighed, a hurt look crossing her face as she dropped her outstretched hand to her side again.

"Edward," she repeated softly, "I need to do this. I need to go to LA and see Bella, I need to hear from her why she left the way she did. She was my best friend for years, and for the past five years I have been racking my brains as to what would have made her leave the way she did."

Alice paused to gauge my reaction. I didn't say anything, instead choosing to just send a withering glare in her general direction.

"Edward, I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm not trying to go behind your back. But Bella was important to me as well, and you're not the only one she left."

"You're not doing this behind my back?" I asked, my voice raising with ever word. Alice winced as I shouted at her. "If you're not going behind my back can you tell me why you are standing in the foyer, with your bags packed, looking as though you're about to walk out the front door. What was your real plan Alice, quickly pack your bags, sneak out and be on a plane bound for LA before I could stop you?"

"She was my best friend as well Edward," yelled Alice back at me. "You're not the only one who has been hurt by this. You're not the only one who is affected. Maybe you should take a step back and have a look at everything. That might stop you from acting in such a self centred way."

By this time both Alice and I were shouting at each other angrily, glaring as we did so. I dropped my shoulders and sighed, running my hand over my face, pushing my thumb and forefinger against my temples.

"I'm sorry Alice," I admitted quietly. "Bella was your best friend, and you were friends long before I knew her. You have every right to go and see her. It just took me by surprise is all."

"I should have told you before I packed my bags. But Edward, I wasn't going to leave without telling you exactly where I was going. And it doesn't matter whether Bella was my friend first or not at the moment. I should have consulted you because of Emma."

"Well, Emma is your niece you know," I said with a chuckle. Alice smiled back at me and I let out a sigh of relief. Alice was the one person I desperately didn't want to alienate at the moment.

"I won't go if you don't want me to," whispered Alice her face conveying a great deal of sympathy towards me.

"I would never ask you to do that Alice. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask you to do that."

"I can wait though, if you wanted. I can wait until you figure out what you're going to do."

I shook my head slightly.

"No, don't wait. I think it's good that you want to go and see Bella. I can't seem to build up the courage to do it myself."

Alice raised her eyebrows at me and I sighed internally. I knew my sister well enough to be able to guess what she was thinking at the moment.

"Am I right in assuming why you are hesitating as much as you are? Everything would be so much easier without her," stated Alice screwing up her face, unable to hide all of the disdain she was feeling.

"Alice," I said in a low voice, my tone conveying a warning of it's own. "How many times do I have to tell you that enough is enough. You can't go around insulting my fiancée like that."

"How did you know I was talking about Tanya?" questioned Alice stubbornly. "How did you know I wasn't talking about Bella's friend you were telling me about?"

"Because I know you," I replied dryly.

"Fine," replied Alice, her tone letting me know that although she was dropping it for the time being, she wasn't completely letting go of it.

I bit back the remark that was sitting on the edge of my tongue, calling some sort of a silent truce with Alice. The topic of Tanya was never one we could agree on, and the issue of Bella and Emma was making Alice even more convinced that she was right. The worst part was that at the moment I wasn't overly convinced that she wasn't.

Alice's head suddenly shot up for where she had been looking at the floor, a slight smile on her face. I frowned slightly, not sure whether I was going to like whatever had made Alice react the way she just had.

"Come back with me," she said happily.

"Excuse me?" I asked, looking at my sister as though she had just gone crazy.

"Come back with me," she repeated slowly as though she was talking to a two year old. "You're going to have to go back to LA soon anyway right? So come back with me now and we can catch the same plane."

I thought about Alice's proposal for a moment. I knew that the main reason she wanted me to come back with her now was that if we were stuck on a plane together she would have time to interrogate and annoy me without my having a viable escape route.

"Fine," I said after a moment. "Just let me go and pack. When is you're plane leaving? Can you get another ticket?"

"Leave it all to me," replied Alice, pulling her phone from her bag. Smiling up at me she continued. "This is good. Now we can talk. You go and pack and I'll go find Mom and tell her."

I closed my eyes, wondering what I had just gotten myself into as Alice bounced off towards the kitchen to try and find Esme.

**

* * *

**

I watched with sadness as Alice and Jasper hugged goodbye at the airport. I had never gotten to have that with Bella, she had left before we had the chance. I knew deep down that Bella would always mean more to me than Tanya ever could, but I wasn't ready to fully admit that to myself yet.

Shaking my head to pull myself out of my thoughts, I smiled at Alice as she walked back over to me, and waved to Jasper, who was turning to walk the opposite direction.

"You ready?" asked Alice softly.

I nodded, both Alice and I knowing that neither of us had been talking about the flight.

I took a deep breath and followed Alice towards the gate that our plane was boarding at. Soon we would be back in LA, back near Bella, and back to the confused mess my life had become in less than a week.

**

* * *

**

"We're finally here," said Alice enthusiastically as she almost bounced out of the airport.

"Yeah," I replied, laughter in my voice. I shook my head at my sister's antics.

"So," said Alice slowly, as though trying to get something out of me.

"So," I repeated in the same tone.

"Is Tanya coming to pick us up or are we catching a cab?"

I sighed, wondering how I hadn't foreseen this question from Alice. I was fairly sure she knew what the answer would be, that Tanya wouldn't be picking us up. Actually, I'd forgotten to tell her exactly when I was getting back to LA. For all she knew, I was still in Forks. Though I knew that even if I had told Tanya, she wouldn't have wanted to pick me up at the airport. She wasn't really the waiting around for someone to get off the plane type.

"No, uh, Alice," I started hesitantly. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. I'd forgotten to tell Tanya that Alice was coming back with me.

"She doesn't know does she?" asked Alice inquisitively.

I smiled sheepishly at her.

"Not really," I admitted.

"Anything?" asked Alice nonchalant as she waved down a cab.

"She doesn't know about Emma if that is what you're asking," I said as she opened the door to the cab that pulled up. "And I would really like to keep it that way for now. Please Alice, I just want to sort some things out with Bella first. Tanya doesn't even know Bella exists."

"Sure, because who in their right mind tells their fiancée about the woman that they are really in love with?" answered Alice sarcastically.

"Alice," I said warningly. "This is hard enough as it is, please just drop it."

"Fine, whatever."

I turned to the front and gave the cab driver my address, attempting to ignore Alice sitting beside me.

"I know you're trying to ignore me," stated Alice simply. "Does she at least know I'm coming to stay?"

"Uh," I looked at Alice guiltily. I knew there was something I had forgotten to do.

"Oh, well this is going to be a great surprise," muttered Alice sarcastically.

I raised my eyebrows at my sister.

"What?" questioned Alice. "I don't like Tanya and Tanya doesn't really care for me. We both accept that fact. But you should probably tell her I'm staying."

I nodded, knowing Alice was right. Looking down at my hands, I wondered how exactly I was meant to tell Tanya not only that Alice was coming to stay, but that she really had no say in the matter, because Alice was already here and I'd forgotten to tell her about it earlier. Even I knew that wasn't going to go down well.

"Alice," I started hesitantly after a few moments. "I know you're here to see Bella, but could you wait for a little while? I need to talk to her first."

I looked over to Alice, to see how she would react. She just raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes.

"Edward, Bella is the love of your life," started Alice. I glared at her in response, and she raised her hands in mock surrender. "Emma is your daughter. Of course you have to talk to her first."

I nodded, wondering why I thought that was going to be so hard.

"Oh, but Edward?" enquired Alice.

"Yeah?"

"Just don't take too long."

I sent a small smile at Alice and shook my head, turning to look out the window, watching the colours of the city flash by.

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**A/N: Hi All,**

**So, I went to post this chapter last night - but then I uploaded it and realised it wasn't nearly as long as I wanted it to be (and even now it's one of my shorter chapters), and that I had missed out a whole section I had been planning on including! So I had to fix that... and now I am uploading!!**

**Once again - I am going to aim to have the next chapter up in two weeks time, but I have recently been swamped by university assignments and what not, so it depends how they all go!!**

**As per usual - ALL REVIEWS GET A SNEAK PEEK!! And.... reviews motive me to write, so the more reviews I get - the more likely Chapter 18 is to appear soon!!!**

**Avery xoxo**


	18. We Need To Talk

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

BELLA'S POV

"Emma," I called from the living room. "Are you going to come and have some lunch possum?"

I waited for my daughter's response. Every second it took her to reply, my heart started to beat slightly faster. I sighed and shook my head. I was being silly. Just because Emma wasn't answering my immediately didn't mean something had happened. I had to try and not overreact. I snorted quietly. How on earth was I meant to do that? I had just found out my baby girl was dying, it was my prerogative as a mother to overreact.

"Lunch time," replied a bright and cheery-faced Emma as she walked into the living room dragging her favourite stuffed animal along side her.

My heart rate returned to normal as I saw Emma, and I scolded myself for jumping immediately to the worst scenario. I couldn't live like this, it wasn't fair to Emma. I had to learn to calm down. Emma was four years old. If she didn't answer me immediately, odds are it was because she was caught up playing with her toys.

"Sandwich?" I asked, forcing a smile onto my face. How could my little girl, who, standing here, was the picture of health, have cancer?

Emma scrunched her face up in consideration, attempting to decide what she wanted for lunch.

"Peanut butter and jelly," she finally replied. I smiled at her and headed into the kitchen.

Emma followed me and pushed on of the chairs from the kitchen table over to the island bench where I was about to make her sandwich. Standing on the chair, she was the same height as I was at the bench.

I tried to the extreme sadness that was threatening to overtake me at the thought that Emma would probably never be the same height as I was. I swallowed hard and mentally berated myself. Dr. Allcott had told me I had to think positive. Of all the leukaemias there were, the type Emma had had the highest survival rate.

Picking up a cutting knife, I turned my attention back to Emma.

"Squares or triangles," I asked in a serious voice, knowing that, to Emma, this was a very important decision.

"I think triangles," she replied while nodding her head. I smiled, holding back laughter at just how serious Emma was acting over the sandwich.

"Over to the table then missy," I said while chopping the sandwich into four triangles.

Emma jumped down from the chair and pushed it back towards the table. I grabbed a plate and walked Emma lunch over to her, ruffling her hair as I put it down.

"Thank-you Mommy," she replied, while picking up the first piece of her sandwich.

Just as I was about to sit down opposite Emma and drink the cup of coffee I had made for myself, the phone started to ring.

"Keep eating possum, Mommy's just going to get the phone," I told Emma. Her only response was a distracted nod.

I chuckled to myself as I walked into the living room to try and find the phone. Locating it between two pillows on the couch I quickly answered before it rang out.

"Hello," I said into the phone, still half chuckling at Emma's antics.

"Bella?" asked an all to familiar voice from the other end of the phone.

I swallowed and sat down on the couch, suddenly feeling weak. I knew exactly who it was calling. Even after all these years, there was no way I could mistake the sound of Edward's voice.

"Yeah, I'm here," I replied softly, wondering what exactly one said to an ex-boyfriend who also happened to be the father of their only child when they called.

"We need to talk," he said simply.

I sighed. I had known this was coming. Since I first saw Edward in the hospital, I had wanted this to happened. I needed to explain so many things to Edward. But now that I actually had the chance, I wasn't sure that I could do it. I wasn't sure that I was ready.

"I know," I replied simply. I wasn't sure of what to say, so I let him take the lead.

"Did you want to meet, maybe for coffee?" asked Edward. I could hear the awkwardness and uncomfortableness in his voice. It sounded so unlike the Edward I knew.

"You really think a public place is best?" I asked with raised eyebrows. I wasn't overly fond of being yelled at in public places, and I highly doubted Edward wanted to give me a massive hug and gossip about our lives.

"Right," he started quickly. "You're right, but, my place, well, it's not really…"

Edward trailed off. I clenched my jaw, remembered what he had told me at the hospital. He was engaged now.

"Right, your fiancée," I replied, a bitter tone in my voice. As I spoke I was shocked at the way I sounded. I had no right to be bitter about the fact that Edward had moved on with his life. After all, I was the one who had left him.

"Uh, yeah."

I took a deep breath. Edward was Emma's father. There was no point in acting like a child and making this harder than it already was.

"Why don't you come here?" I heard myself offering.

"Okay, thanks," answered Edward. "I have tomorrow afternoon off from the hospital, if that suits you."

"Wow, soon," I replied without thinking.

"Sooner is probably better," muttered Edward.

"Right, if course it is," I quickly amended. "Tomorrow afternoon is fine. Say about 2pm?"

"2pm sounds fine."

I gave Edward our address and we hung up. I dropped the phone back into the cushions of the lounge chair and dropped my head into my hands. I was so not ready for this.

Picking up the phone again, I dialled Steph's number and asked her if she could come around later tonight. I was going to need backup if I was going figure out how exactly to do this.

**

* * *

**

"So what are you going to do?" asked Steph as she picked up her glass of wine from the coffee table.

"I have no idea," I moaned. I was curled up on the couch in my pyjamas with a glass of wine. "I need to give him the box of photos."

"I think he'd appreciate that," offered Steph.

"I just need him to know that I do want him to know Emma, that I'm not going to keep him from her. She is his daughter, and he deserves to know her. Hell, Emma deserves to know her father."

"Just tell him that then, and everything will be fine. Maybe not straight away, but it will all work out Bells. I promise."

I smiled and Steph and took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Hey Steph," I started hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Anything, you know I'm always here for you and Em," replied Steph.

"Can you take Em tomorrow when Edward comes around? I don't want her here."

I watched Steph, trying to gauge her reaction. Steph raised her eyebrows and sighed.

"Did you not say just 20 seconds ago that you want Edward to know you aren't going to keep Emma from him? I don't think making sure Emma isn't here when he comes around is all that wise."

"I know. And I know how he will perceive it, but Emma will recognise him from the hospital, and she'll want to know what he's doing at the house. She'll know something is up. Plus, I'm fairly sure Edward isn't going to be overly happy with me, I don't want any arguments or yelling around her, she's going through enough as it is at the moment," I said slowly.

Steph nodded.

"Bells, you know that I will always take Em for you when you need me to. And I will look after her tomorrow for you, but you're going to have to tell her eventually."

I sighed and took another drink from my glass.

"I know," I admitted reluctantly. "I just don't think I'm ready to tell her that Edward is her father. And I know that sounds bad, but I need to talk to him first. I need to make sure he knows what he is getting into. I need to know he is going to stick around, and be a part of her life. I mean, with the cancer and everything, I want as much stability for her as I can possibly get."

"I'm sure he will want to be there for you both," reassured Steph.

"That's the thing Steph. I don't know Edward now. I haven't seen him in 5 years. The last time I saw him, before the other day, I was awful. And then when I saw him at the hospital, he was so angry at me. I don't know the type of person he is now. And he's engaged as well. I need to know what that means. What's this girl like? Does she know about Emma? Is she a kid person? There are so many questions I need answered."

"Hey, I get where you're coming from. You just need to be ready for Edward to be annoyed when he realised that Emma is not home when he calls around."

"I know," I admitted. "But I have to think about Emma first. Yeah, it would be easier for me if Emma was here. But I need answers to my questions before I'm ready to take that step. And I will take that step if that is what Edward wants. She is his daughter. But I need to be sure, I need him to be sure, that this is really what he wants."

"I think you have you're answer then Bells," said Steph, smiling.

"Answer to what?" I asked.

"To what are you going to tell him, what are you going to say. Just tell him what you just told me. It'll all be fine."

"Thanks Steph. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Self-destruct," replied Steph simply.

I smiled at the girl who had become my best friend over the past 5 years. Now more than ever was I glad I had Steph. This whole situation would be close to impossible without her.

"Hey, I've gotta get going Bells. I'll be around tomorrow just after 1pm okay? Then it'll give me and Em plenty of time to be out of here before Edward shows up."

"Thanks Steph," I replied, getting off the couch and taking Steph's empty glass from her.

"Get some sleep, okay?" said Steph as she opened the front door to let herself out.

"I'll try," I replied truthfully.

After I had locked the door behind Steph, I put the glasses on the bench by the kitchen sink, telling myself that I would deal with them tomorrow, and went to my bedroom. Tomorrow was going to be a huge day, and would change everything. I just hoped I was ready for it.

**

* * *

**

Hearing a knock on my front door, I became more and more nervous. I glanced at my watch. 1:09pm. Steph was here.

"Em, Aunty Steph's here," I called to Emma who was in her bedroom.

Pulling open the door I greeted my best friend and invited her into the house.

"How are you doing?" asked Steph.

"Well, I managed to get a little bit of sleep," I admitted.

Steph shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"You are going to be fine," she told me in a reassuring tone.

"What if he hates me Steph?" I asked, afraid of the answer. It had been a question I had been struggling with ever since Edward had called and asked to meet. I had been fine when it was me wanting to talk, when Edward had said he needed time. But now that he actually wanted to talk, and that he was coming over, everything seemed too much.

"That's a risk you're going to have to take," replied Steph sympathetically.

"Thanks for the support," I replied sarcastically, turning and walking into the kitchen.

"Bells," implored Steph, following me. "You know what I mean. I'm not going to lie to you – it's not what you need right now."

I nodded my head slowly, closing my eyes as I sighed and leant against the kitchen bench.

"Everything will be fine," reassured Steph. "It will all work out. It might not straight away, but with time, everything will work itself out. You can do this. You just have to believe that you can."

"Thanks Steph," I replied, opening my eyes and pushing myself off the bench. "You should be going now, I don't want you and Emma to accidently run into Edward. That would create more questions than it would answer."

Steph smiled at me compassionately.

"We'll be back later," said Steph softly as she went into the other room to find Emma. I took another deep breath and turned towards my coffee maker. All I wanted right now was a very large cup of coffee.

Hearing the sound of a door closing I swallowed hard. Steph and Emma were gone for the afternoon. I glanced at the clock. 1:37pm. Less than half an hour until Edward arrived.

* * *

**A/N: I finally posted the next chapter!! **

**Thanks to all of you and your wonderful wonderful reviews Chapter 18 has been posted a whole weeks early! I'd like to thank every single person who reviewed Chapter 17, I appreciate it so so so much - I don't think I can really convey just how much all of your reviews mean to me!!**

**I was going to include Bella and Edward's talk in this chapter - but have decided that this works better!! Chapter 19 will be focused on Bella and Edward's talk and then I'm fairly certain Chapter 20 will include some type of talk between Bella and Alice...**

**As per usual - ALL REVIEWS GET A SNEAK PEEK!! So please please please - let me know what you think!! (And remember that I can only reply and send sneak peeks to people who leave signed reviews - I have no way of sending sneak peeks to anonymous reviews!!)**

**Avery xoxo**


	19. Bella and Edward Talk

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing…**_

**A/N: There is a very important Author's Note at the bottom of this chapter – it is very long – I do know that – but it is VERY VERY IMPORANT. Please read it.**

* * *

BELLA'S POV

My heart skipped a beat as I heard the a hard knocking against my front door. I swallowed hard as I put down the pen I was using to edit a piece I had been writing for the paper. My boss had been great about the whole situation, allowing me to work from home, and cutting back the amount of work he was sending me daily.

We'd received flowers, chocolates and cards from most the people in my office. I had worked there now for so long that everyone knew and loved Emma. She had practically grown up at the paper, and was a frequent visitor of the offices, even now that she was starting school. I picked myself up from my desk and made my way towards the front door.

I felt my mouth go dry and my palms get sweaty. Furiously wiping my hands against my jeans I frowned at myself and shook my head, trying to gather my thoughts. I was not going to be in pieces when I opened that front door. I was going to be cool, calm and collected. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to find out just how affected by all of this I was.

Taking one last deep breath, I pasted a smile on my face and pulled open the front door.

"Edward," I greeted amicably after I had opened the door. "Come in."

"Thanks Bella," he answered politely, following my lead and stepping into the apartment. He looked around, a slightly frown appearing on his face for a millisecond. It was gone so quickly that I wasn't sure as to whether I had imagined it or not.

I turned to lead Edward into the living room, and indicated that he should sit on one of the couches.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked, needing to break the silence. "Coffee, water, tea, soft drink?"

"I'm fine thank-you," he replied, looking at his surroundings.

I sat awkwardly, nodding. At least if Edward had have asked for a drink I would have something to do, and then something to hold. A distraction.

"You know, actually, I think I will take that drink," said Edward uncomfortably after a moment.

"Sure," I answered, jumping up from my seat. "What would you like?"

"Coffee, if that's okay."

"Coffee is fine, I'll just go and make it. I'll be back."

I walked into the kitchen, shaking my head slightly at myself. Why was this making me feel so ill at ease and uncomfortable. I poured fresh water into the coffee maker, and pulled the coffee grounds from the freezer. Adding a little less coffee than I normally would, I turned on the machine. I looked at the grounds sitting in the machine, and, after a moment's thought, added a little bit more. It was still less than I would have usually put in, but I had long ago learnt that not everyone had my superhuman tolerance for large doses of strong coffee.

I must have started to day dream, because before I knew it, the coffee machine was beeping at me. Replacing the coffee grounds in the freezer, I pulled two normal sized mugs from the cupboard above the coffee maker.

After a second thought, I put back the normal sized coffee mugs, and pulled out two of the massive coffee mugs that Steph had bought me once, arguing that the mugs I had in my apartment were nowhere near big enough for people who loved coffee as much as we did.

At this moment I was glad for the larger mugs, figuring that the larger the coffee cup, the more coffee that would fit in it, which worker for me on two levels. Firstly, more coffee was always better, and secondly, the more coffee that was in the cup, the longer it would last, meaning I would have something to hold onto for longer, hopefully making me feel less uncomfortable. I always preferred to be doing something with my hands.

I realised that I hadn't asked Edward how he liked his coffee now, and hoped that his tastes hadn't changed in the last five years.

Picking up both mugs, I walked back into the living room and smiled at Edward.

"Here you are," I said as I handed him one of the mugs. "It's white with one sugar, I didn't know whether or not…"

My sentence tapered off, letting him fill in the rest of the blanks.

"That's fine, I still take my coffee the same," he replied with a smile. After a moment, his smile widened and his eyes crinkled with silent laughter.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously, wondering what would bring on this sudden reaction in Edward.

"Nothing, really, nothing," he replied, having stopped laughing, but still smiling.

"No, seriously," I replied, frowning and smiling at the same time. "I wanna know."

"I was just thinking of how you these coffee mugs were. They're possibly the biggest ones I've ever seen."

"Oh, right," I replied. Silence followed.

"Bella?" asked Edward quietly.

"Yeah?" I replied, lifting my head to meet his eyes.

"Where is Emma?"

I dropped my head down to avoid his eyes, and instead stared at my coffee cup. This was one of the questions I had been both expecting and dreading at the same time. And I knew the reaction I was going to get was probably not going to be a good one.

"She's out," I replied softly, still staring at my coffee mug. When Edward didn't answer straight away I continued. "With Steph."

"She's out?" clarified Edward slowly.

I cringed, waiting for the inevitable anger that was to follow. When I heard only silence, I raised my head again to look at Edward, to gauge his reaction. He was just sitting on the couch, shaking his head softly.

"Edward?" I asked unsurely.

"You're keeping her from me," he accused harshly, looking back at me to meet my eyes. I swallowed at the livid look in his eyes.

"I'm not," I defended, trying to keep my voice at a normal level. I didn't want to get angry at Edward, but I wasn't the type to sit back and let someone yell at me either. I had sent Emma out with Steph for a reason, and I was going to stand by that reason.

"Then why isn't she here?" said Edward angrily in a raised voice.

I gritted my teeth, willing myself to calm down, knowing that it was somewhat pointless now.

"Because I knew there was always the possibility that this would happen," I snapped back, gesturing between myself and him. "I knew there was the possibility that we would end up in an argument, and I didn't want to subject Emma to that."

"This argument is happening only because she isn't here," pointed out Edward angrily. "If Emma was here, the entire reason for this argument would be gone."

"I'm sure that an argument would have been inevitable," I replied, glaring at Edward.

"Does she know?" he asked, staring me in the eye.

"No," I answered evenly while looking Edward straight in the eye. I was not going to back down, or avert my gaze. I had my reasons for mot yet telling Emma, and I was convinced they were right.

"Great," laughed Edward cruelly. "Even after everything else, after everything you've said, after what you said in the hospital, you still haven't told her?"

"I was never going to tell her until after we talked Edward. She is my baby girl and I am not about to let her get hurt."

"She is my daughter too Bella, and I would never do anything to hurt her," replied Edward softly.

I sighed, and took a deep breath. I wanted to make sure that my voice was calm again before I spoke.

"I know that you would never purposely hurt her. But there are so many factors, so many things I have to know, and figure out, before I am going to put her in any position to be hurt. Especially with everything that is going on as well."

"What are they then?" asked Edward.

"What are what?" I asked, slightly confused.

"The reasons, the factors. The things that you need to know before you tell Emma that I'm her father."

"I need to know that you're going to stick around," I started pragmatically. Seeing that Edward was about to interrupt I raised my hand to stop him. "Just let me get this out. I need to know that you aren't going to go in and out of Emma's life, that you're going to be a stable factor in her life. She needs that, now more than ever. And what about your fiancée? How does she factor into all of this?"

"Tanya?" asked Edward confused. "Tanya has nothing to do with any of this."

"Edward, Tanya has everything to do with this, especially if my daughter is going to be spending time with her." I paused and waited for Edward to respond. When he didn't I sighed and dropped my head into my hands.

"I don't know about Tanya yet," replied Edward quietly.

I raised my head to meet Edward's eyes and nodded slowly. I knew this had to be hard for him.

"Why?" asked Edward after a moments silence had passed between us.

"Why?" I repeated, slightly confused. If I was going to be completely honest with myself, I knew what Edward meant when he asked why. I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

"Why did you do it Bella. Why did you leave, why did you keep her from me?"

"Edward," I started, not really knowing how to explain my choices. Not really knowing what he wanted to hear.

"I missed out on everything because of what you did Bella," Edward continued before I had a chance to say another word. "Her first word, her first steps, her birth, because of the choice you made."

"Because of the choice I made you got to go to college, you got to become a doctor," I muttered under my breath.

Seeing the frown that briefly crossed Edward's face, I knew he had heard what I had muttered under my breath.

"Did you really think that given the choice, that would have been what would matter to me?" he asked, a hurt look forming on his face. "Do you really think so little of me?"

"Edward," I said compassionately. "I know you would have stood by me, I know you would have dropped everything, put off college, just to be there for both myself and Emma."

"Then why didn't you let me?" interrupted Edward, his face still portraying a pained look.

"For exactly that reason," I replied softly as I stared at my hands. "Neither of us would have ended up going to college, or doing half the things we've been able to do if I had have told you. You wanted to go to Dartmouth, you had plans, dreams. I didn't want to know that I was the reason you didn't get to follow those plans, live those dreams."

I looked up from my hands to see how Edward was taking my reasons. He no longer looked furious, instead he look disappointed and defeated. In some ways it was worse than the anger.

"We would have formed new dreams," he said softly. "We would have made it work. We both still could have gone to college."

"No," I rebutted, shaking my head slowly. "We wouldn't have. Emma would have been born, and we would have spent all of our time trying to care for her, and provide for her. College, everything, would have become an afterthought."

"You still should have told me," insisted Edward, looking me in the eye and holding my gaze.

I nodded my head, knowing that that was what Edward needed. I motioned for his to sit and wait for a moment as I stood up from my position on the couch and walked towards my bedroom. The box of photos and DVDs, everything I had saved for him from Emma's life so far, was sitting on my bed. Since I had pulled it down to show Steph, I had spent almost every spare minute sitting on my bed, going through the contents of the box, wondering if I had really made the right decision.

"Maybe I should have told you," I said gently as I walked back into the living room carrying the box. "But I did what I did for a reason, and at the time, it was the right course of action for the both of us."

Silently, I handed Edward the box and sat back down on the couch opposite him. As he took off the lid of the box, he sucked in a quick breath of air.

"Bella," he started, trailing off as he instead reached into the box.

"I didn't want to keep her from you Edward. I'm not saying I made the wrong decision, or that I regret it. But I didn't want to keep her from you. That box contained a copy of everything from her life so far. Photo albums, DVDs of her first steps, first words. A copy of her baby book."

Edward look into the box for a few minutes, and then raised his head to meet my eyes.

"Thank you Bella."

I nodded silently. Edward suddenly shook his head very quickly and subtly.

"I should be going now. I have, well, I. I have to be getting home," he managed to finish awkwardly.

I nodded, suddenly feeling very awkward myself.

"We'll talk again soon," I promised. "I know Emma is going to want to meet you."

Edward nodded, standing up from his position on the couch, and placing his coffee mug on the coffee table in front of us both. I stood as he did, but stayed where I was by the couch as he made his way to the door.

As he reached the door, Edward paused, and turned back to face me once again.

"Alice is here," he stated simply, watching my face for any reaction as he spoke. "She would really like to see you."

I nodded my head, a lump forming in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes.

"I would really like to see her as well," I whispered quietly, wiping the tears from my face.

Edward just nodded. He looked in my direction, and opened his mouth slightly, as though he was going to say something, but then, changing his mind, turned and walked out of my apartment, closing the door firmly behind him.

I took a deep breath and collapsed back onto the couch behind me. A lone tear slipped down the side of my cheek. I didn't bother to wipe it away. No matter how many tears you tried to hide, not matter how many tears you wiped away, you could never really wipe away the pain, so what was the point.

Closing my eyes for a second, I reopened them and grabbed the phone. As I dialled an all to familiar number, I took a deep breath and tried to make my voice sound as normal as I possible could.

"Hello," answered the voice on the other end cheerfully.

"Steph," I replied. "It's finished. You can bring Emma back whenever you're ready."

There was a slight pause. I could almost see Steph's mind ticking over, taking in the slightly hitch in my voice.

"Okay," she replied softly. "Emma, myself and a whole lot of Ben and Jerry's will be there soon."

I let out a small laugh, and smiled. Steph always knew when I was trying to act braver than I really felt.

"Thanks Steph."

"That's what I'm here for," she replied before hanging up the phone.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so Chapter 19 is finally here and I do hope that everyone has enjoyed it. The amount of reviews I got for Chapter 18 was astronomical and I would just like to really thank everyone who did review – it really does make my day to get all of your reviews.**

**On a less happy note – and everyone who has read my live journal will know what I am about to say…**

**I am thinking seriously of turning off anonymous reviews. Now, I do not usually mind people leaving anonymous reviews – but the same person leaving 5 different anonymous reviews that aren't really all that nice REALLY ANNOYS ME…**

**I really don't want people to think I don't appreciate all the reviews I get – both anonymous and signed – but reviews such as the following are starting to piss me off. **

_**What i don't understand, is that if you love reviews so much, why don't you listen to them? All of them want you to update and you don't. Please Update.**_

_**I think this story is the best but yoou don't update and that sucks. Please update.**_

_**I always get upset when I check and you have not updated another chapter. People lose interest if you don't update really; it is like reading a book leaving it for a few days then leaving it for a week than a few weeks. It gets annoying, confusing and dull. UPDATING will be the key to your sucess.**_

**Trust me – reviews such as those really annoy me. And they don't motivate me to update sooner – they make me lose interest and walk away from my computer. ( I don't mind people adding update or whatever at the end of a review, or telling me I simply must update – I don't find that insulting, I find that funny. But telling me I don't update and that sucks, and if I like reviews so much why don't I update – THAT I FIND INSULTING. **

**And I do update – I update a lot more regularly than a lot of other authors, plus, I've only just now hit my two week period in which I try to update. **

**I have a life people – I have friends, family and university. I have so many assignments and mid semester exams coming up that it isn't funny. **

**So… end of my rant… don't leave reviews like the about ones – because they do not make me want to write more for you all. **

**On a happier note – for everyone else that reviewed – THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! As per usual – all who update get a sneak peek of the next chapter (you must leave a signed review if you want a sneak peek) – and any details on next chapter (such as when I am planning on updating...) can be found at my live journal, link on my profile.**

**Avery xoxo**


	20. Alice Goes Too Far

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

* * *

ALICE'S POV

I sat on the couch, staring at the phone in my hands. I had been sitting here with the phone for almost three quarters of an hour now. I had been waiting to make this phone call for so long, but since Edward had come back from meeting with Bella two days ago, and told me to call her, I couldn't seem to bring myself to dial the numbers.

There were so many ifs. So many things that could have changed. Bella could have changed. Never mind could. I was sure she would have changed. She was now a mother. She had a job, was living in LA. She probably had a whole new group of friends.

What if she had completely forgotten about me. I know Edward told to me call her, that he had told her I was in town, and that Bella had said she wanted to see me. But what if she was just being polite? What is she didn't care at all about seeing me. What is she had all but forgotten me?

I sighed and put the phone back down in it's cradle.

"How long are you going to second guess yourself before you actually call?" came a voice from behind me.

"Aargh," was my only reply as I jumped almost two feet into the air. After my heart had started again, I turned to see Edward standing in the doorway, smirking at me. I glared back at him in response. "Jesus Christ Edward. Make a noise or something."

"She does really want to see you, you know," he replied solemnly. "She's probably just as nervous as you are."

"What if she's changed Edward?" I asked, self doubt filling my voice. "What if I mean nothing to her anymore. I mean, I don't know anything about Bella. I don't know what she has been doing these past five years, who her friends are, if she's dating."

Edward flinched as I spoke my last words. I pursed my lips, wondering whether I should apologise for bringing that up. I decided against it. After all, Edward had told Bella about Tanya. Why shouldn't he think that she was possibly seeing someone as well?

"Alice, you've been writing Bella a letter a week since she left. You can do this."

I smiled at Edward and nodded my head.

"Here goes nothing," I said gamely, picking the phone back up from where I had placed it not so long ago.

"I'll give you your privacy," replied Edward quietly as he slipped from the room.

I hesitantly dialled the number that I had memorised in the past 24 hours. I felt my heart rate rise as I listened to the sound of the phone ringing. Just as I was about to hang up, someone answered.

"Hello," said the voice distractedly.

"Hello, uh, is Bella there?" I asked nervously. Shaking my head at myself, I sternly told myself that I had to be more confident.

"Speaking," replied the voice, still distracted. "Just a moment."

I frowned, confused, as I wondered what Bella was doing.

"_Emma Alicia Swan. You get down off that cupboard immediately." There was a pause as I waited for Bella to return to the phone. "I do not care if you knew there was chocolate up there and you couldn't reach it… No, you either ask me, or you don't have any_."

I bit my lip in an attempt to stop laughter from escaping.

"Sorry,' answered a flustered Bella as she returned to the phone. "Who is this?"

"Bella. It's, uh, it's me, Alice."

There was a paused on the other end of the phone, and then I heard Bella take a deep breathe.

"Alice," she replied softly. "It's nice to hear from you."

I took a deep breathe and decided to get straight to the point.

"I was wondering if you wanted to meet, for coffee, or lunch," I said quickly into the phone before I could chicken out.

"I would like that," replied Bella. I thought I could hear a smile on her voice, which relaxed me somewhat. Bella suddenly sighed into the phone.

"Sorry, Alice, could you wait a moment again?"

Before I had a chance to answer I could hear her speaking again to Emma.

"_Emma… No, you are not allowed… No, I have no idea why you would think you were… Do you honestly think that if I just told you off for climbing the cupboard to get the chocolate, that you wouldn't be told off for climbing a different cupboard to get the lollies?... Wait until I can come and help you. _Sorry, Alice, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," I answered. "Listen, Bella, you sound busy. I won't keep you. Did you just want to decided a place and time to meet?"

"Uh, sure," Bella answered. She paused for a moment, I could almost hear her thinking through the phone. "How does Wednesday work for you?"

"Wednesday is fine for me," I answered happily, glad that Bella did seem to want to talk to me.

"Good, say, coffee at ten?"

"Coffee at ten sounds perfect. Do you know any nice places? I'm not really too familiar with LA."

"There is this nice place called Chocolat, just a couple of blocks from the children's hospital. Does that work for you?"

"Chocolat it is. I'll be seeing you Bella."

"Thank you for calling Alice," said Bella softly as she hung up the phone. I lone tear welled in the corner of my eye. I was glad I had finally managed to call Bella, but I knew meeting with her on Wednesday wasn't going to be easy.

I knew to any outside person observing my behaviour over the past however many days I would seem like a complete lunatic. I had gone from being furious at Bella to being happy that she wanted to meet, and hoping hat she hadn't forgotten me.

I sighed. I was still angry with Bella. There were so many other ways she could have dealt with the situation, rather than just shutting Edward and I out. But regardless of all of that, I was glad we were meeting. As angry as I was with her, I missed Bella awfully.

* * *

I sighed as I rolled myself sideways off the bed in Edward's guestroom. I glanced at the clock. It was only 10:46am. It had only been just under an hour since I had spoken to Bella. After I had hung up the phone I had decided to do a little bit of reading, since there wasn't much else I really had to do, and I had started reading a book that I really liked the other day.

Licking my lips, and sensing a need for water, I jumped up from my then sitting position on the side of the bed and walked towards the door, intent on making my way to the kitchen.

I paused just before I came around the corner into the kitchen, hearing voices. Not wanting to interrupt I started to turn away, back to the guestroom. I could always get a glass of water later.

Just as I was about to leave, I heard my name. Upon hearing this, I paused again, curious as to what Edward and Tanya were saying about me. I knew eavesdropping wasn't an overly moral thing to do, but I figured since I didn't like Tanya I could almost cancel it out.

"…Edward, that's why Alice's here isn't it?" asked Tanya, her voiced slightly raised.

I couldn't hear a response from Edward, so I had to assumed he either nodded or spoke very quietly.

"You have a child, and I'm the last person you tell? What does that say about us Edward?" came Tanya's voice loudly again.

"Tanya, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Honestly I am, but it has taken me this long to come to terms with the fact that I do actually have a daughter, and that I have had a daughter for the past four years." Edwards voice was soft and apologetic.

I screwed up my face at the sound of Edward's voice. I didn't want him to be apologetic to Tanya. I didn't want them to talk nicely. I wanted her to blow up at him and for him to get defensive and yell. I wanted Edward to realise he belonged with Bella. And I didn't care how twisted it sounded.

"What's she like?" asked Tanya in a soft, less annoyed voice.

"I've only met her briefly, at the hospital. When I spoke with Bella, she had had a friend take Emma out for the time."

"At the hospital?" enquired Tanya.

There was a slight pause in the conversation, and I wondered how Edward was taking that question. I suddenly found myself cursing the fact that I couldn't see what was going on.

"She's sick. That's how I actually found out about her. I met hr at the hospital when she was being diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukaemia," replied Edward after a lengthy pause.

There was silence again after this, and I once again found myself wishing I could know if Tanya was comforting him, or scowling at him. I personally was voting for the second of the two options.

"I'm so sorry Edward," came Tanya's voice after a moment.

"So, are we alright?" asked Edward tentatively. I crossed my fingers, and at the same time, berated myself for hoping that my brother's relationship was about to fall apart.

"This is really big Edward. I just need time."

Realising that the conversation was coming to a close, I quickly turned on my heel and walked back to my room before one of them had a chance to come out and find me in the hallway, eavesdropping on their conversation.

**

* * *

**

I lay on my bed in the guest room staring at the ceiling. I was starting to get really thirsty, but it hadn't even been five minutes since I had heard Edward and Tanya's conversation. Hearing the front door closing, I smiled and got off the bed.

Tanya would have left, either for work, or to go out and do whatever else. Now I could go and get my drink of water, maybe even have a chat with Edward. I shook my head, realising just how silly it was that I was hiding out in my bedroom until Tanya was out of the house.

As I walked into the kitchen I froze, and did a double take. Tanya was standing there, leaning forwards on the kitchen bench, drinking a cup of coffee. I cursed myself, wondering why I had just assumed that it was Tanya leaving the house, and not Edward instead. I started to weigh up my options, wondering if she would notice if I tried to sneak back out now.

"I know you're there Alice," said Tanya suddenly. "Please, come in and do whatever you were going to do before you realised I was standing here."

"I just needed a drink of water," I replied formally, not wanting to start any type of conversation with Tanya.

"I suppose you heard everything before," said Tanya, in more of a statement than a question.

I raised my eyebrows slightly while semi shrugging my shoulders, gesturing a sort of 'maybe' towards my brother's fiancée. The whole time I held her gaze, my eyes never leaving hers. She could be the one to break eye contact, because I certainly wasn't going to be.

As Tanya looked away, I turned and opened the cupboard to get a glass. As I closed the cupboard again, I grinned evilly to myself, and started to speak in a very nonchalant tone.

"They were so in love you know," I started vaguely. "And Bella was my best friends. We never knew exactly why she left. Only that Edward was completely heartbroken."

I looked in Tanya's direction as I was saying this, and I saw her bow her head, almost as a sign of defeat. I smiled inwardly.

"Edward was so convinced that Bella didn't love him anymore, he pined for so long," I said. Shrugging, I continued in a very offhand manner. "Now we find out that that isn't true, that she left for a completely different reason. Maybe because she loved him _too_ much."

I stressed the word too, hoping that Tanya would catch onto what I was trying not so subtly to tell her.

"What are you trying to say to me Alice?" asked Tanya in a straight voice.

"Nothing," I replied, shrugging again. "Just that I always thought they were made for each other. They were perfect together."

I waited a moment as silence followed my sentence. I could feel Tanya's eye appraising me as she decided on what to say next. Instead of the anger that I thought was coming, Tanya sighed, and looked at me with pity. Frowning with confusion, I waited for her to talk.

"You don't like me. You don't know me at all, but you don't like me. You judge me, but you don't know me," replied Tanya in a soft voice.

My mouth opened involuntarily, as I stood there looking stunned. Never had I expected Tanya to come out with that. Anger, yes. Frustration, yes. Denial, certainly. But pity? And directed at me? That I had not foreseen.

I closed my mouth and looked back at Tanya in time to see her shaking her head, almost sadly, before turning and leaving the kitchen. After a moment, curiosity got the best of me and I followed her out into the hall.

I entered the hallway just in time to see Tanya grab her keys from the table by the door and exit the house.

**

* * *

**

I sat on the couch, wondering when Tanya was going to return. I wasn't saying that I liked the lady anymore than I previously did, or that I was worried about her safety, but I did feel bad that I had somewhat forced her out of her own house. That, and the fact that I was worried for my own safety. Tanya had always been a bone of contention in mine and Edward's relationship, and I didn't think he would take all that kindly to knowing what I had said to her, or the fact that she left three and a half hours ago and was yet to return.

Hearing the door open, and then close, I perked up, hoping that it was Tanya returning home. I almost laughed at myself. Never would I have thought that I was hoping Tanya would come home.

"Hey Alice," came the voice of my brother as he walked into the living room where I was perched on the couch. My face visibly fell. "Well, it's nice to see you too," he added sarcastically at the look on my face, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Hey Edward. No, it is nice to see you," I amended quickly.

"Where's Tanya?" he enquired casually.

"Well," I started hesitantly. "About that… she went out. A little while ago."

I trailed off, hoping that Edward would take that as my final answer and just leave. No such luck. Edward turned to face me, his eyebrows raised.

"Did she leave for any particular reason?" he asked knowingly.

I cursed the fact that Edward knew me so well and let out a sigh. It wasn't like he wasn't going to find out, I might as well be the one to tell him.

"I may have gone a little too far this time," I admitted sheepishly, avoiding Edward's eyes.

I felt him stiffen beside me.

"But I honestly didn't meant it," I defended, turning to face Edward, hoping he wouldn't be too angry with me.

"What do you mean Alice?" asked Edward in a dangerously low voice, his eye narrowed in my direction.

"I was baiting her," I admitted reluctantly. "But it's the exact same way we always act towards each other. She just got all quiet and left."

I looked down at my hands, wanting to avoid the irritated look on Edward's face.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, when he didn't say anything. I looked back at my brother, who was still glaring at me.

"You've gone too far this time Alice," he snapped angrily. "You have no right to come here and make my fiancée feel unwelcome in her own house."

Edward got up from where he had been sitting on the couch and stalked out of the living room. I sighed to myself, knowing that Edward was extremely annoyed with me.

I had overstepped my boundaries this time, he was right. Tanya had always been a bone of contention between us, and Edward always got annoyed with me when I said anything at all negative about her, or them together. But I had never seen him as annoyed as he had been just before.

I winced as I heard the front door slam loudly. Great, I had managed to drive both my brother and his fiancée out of their own house.

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**A/N: Hope everyone enjoys this chapter - it is a little short, but I'm coming to the end of all my papers and exams, so I should have more time to write longer chapters very soon!!**

**I know alot of people were expecting this chapter to be Alice and Bella talking, but I decided I didn't want Tanya to be completely victimised, so this chapter had to be here, and she will be sticking around for a while longer at least! Next chapter will most probably be in Tanya's POV (a nice new one for you all!), and the chapter after that (Ch. 22) should then be Alice and Bella's talk. I know it seems like a long way away, but I need Tanya's POV to be the next chapter in order for the story to go where I have decided I now want it to go!!!**

**As per usual - all those who review will get a sneak peek of the next chapter - I will endeavour to have the review replies out quickly than I did for this chapter. **

**Next chapter will be up within two weeks, check my livejournal for any updates on that... (I will aim to have Chapter 21 up in a weeks time, but I'll have to see how I go, still have a few papers due that I have to write first!)**

**Avery xoxo**


	21. Haunted by the Past

**_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing..._**

* * *

TANYA'S POV

I sat on a bench in the park, wondering when it was that my life had diverged for far from the plan I had formed in my head as a little girl. Go to college, meet a boy, get married, have a family. It was a simple plan, some might say an old fashion or out dated plan, but it was the life I had always dreamed of as a little girl.

I lifted my head slightly and closed my eyes as I tried to prevent the tears that were threatening to fall from coming.

I didn't mind so much that Edward had a daughter, not as much as Alice seemed to think I would. It did occur to me that I should mind greatly that I was the last person he told. And that Alice was trying to rub the entire thing in my face.

I'd known a little about Bella Swan previously. She had been Edward's first great love, in high school, and Alice's best friend. No one had told me much else, apart from the fact that she left suddenly, and it had hurt both Alice and Edward.

I didn't even know what Bella returning to Edward's life meant for our relationship. Alice seemed to be under the impression that it would have a detrimental effect on our engagement, and I wasn't all that sure that I disagreed with her.

I let out a semi-bitter laugh at the thought. I was fairly certain that Alice would be somewhat irritated at the thought of my agreeing with her.

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered what it was about the whole afternoon that had affected me the most.

Edward's daughter, Emma Swan, fours years old, had leukaemia. Acute lymphocytic leukaemia. Three words that I was all too familiar with.

"Tanya?" came a surprised voice to my left. I opened my eyes, not particularly wanting anyone I knew to see me like I was right now.

"Steph?" I replied, equally as surprised. Stephanie was an old family friend, we had known each other as teenagers. I quickly tried to wipe the traitorous tears from my cheeks as I sat up straighter. I did not want her to see me crying like this. We'd hadn't spoken in years, not since we were teenagers. Not since Patricia.

"I didn't know you were in LA," started Steph. "My mother told me you were in London?"

"Moved back a little while ago with my fiancée," I replied, shifting over slightly on the bench so that there was room for Steph to sit down.

I sighed softly and rubbed my temples in an effort to remove all thoughts from my head. Needless to say, my efforts seemed to be in vain.

"Looks like your life is going about as well as mine at the moment," commented Steph after a moment.

"I bet I'd win at the moment," I challenged dryly, with a slight laugh.

"Oh, I highly doubt that. My best friends daughter, whom I view as a niece, is sick."

"I'm sorry," I replied sincerely. "My fiancée just found out that he had a daughter, and didn't tell me. Something his sister is rubbing my face in at the moment."

Steph looked down at her hands.

"Sorry," she whispered sympathetically.

I shook my head with an air of bravery that I didn't quite possess at that moment.

"It's okay. I don't know, I've been thinking a lot over these last few days. I'm starting to doubt we were ever a good fit," I admitted.

I was shocked by what I was telling Steph. I hadn't seen her in years, and here I was pouring out my secrets, secrets that I had told nobody. Steph simply nodded in return and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I remembered back to when we had all been such good friends, almost inseparable. After Patricia, after Trish, we'd drifted apart.

"The worst part," I admitted in a slow whisper, determine not to let my voice break. "The worst part is that all of a sudden it's just bringing back everything with Trish."

I dropped my head, as both extreme sadness and relief washed over me. I was glad I'd finally been able to admit out loud to someone what had been troubling me ever since I had found out about Emma, and her cancer.

"What's your fiancée's name?" asked Steph, a slightly frown forming on her face, as though she was trying to make a connection.

"Edward Cullen," I replied, my eyes still trained on the ground, trying not to let the flood of memories I was having of Trish reduce me to tears.

"Emma," whispered Steph softly.

"Excuse me?" I asked, turning to face Steph. I was certain she had just spoken the name of Edward's daughter, and I couldn't remember whether or not I had told her.

"Emma," repeated Steph as she turned to face me. "Emma is my best friend's daughter."

"Bella," I replied in a blank voice, suddenly regretting everything I had said. It wasn't as though I didn't mean it, but I didn't want anyone to hear anything from anyone else until I had decided what I needed to do.

"I won't repeat anything we've said here," said Steph sincerely, as though reading my mind. I shot her a grateful smile. "I've been thinking about Trish a lot as well."

"Do you think it says something about my engagement if I've never told Edward about her?" I asked Steph honestly.

Steph shrugged her shoulders before answering.

"Yes and no. Trish was, and still is, a massive part of you, of who you are. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to live with every day. I find it hard, and she wasn't my twin sister. But every relationship is different."

"Yeah," I replied as I shrugged in a non-committal way. I wasn't sure I agreed with her. I was fairly certain that the fact that I had not told my fiancée that I had had an identical twin sister was not a good sign.

"I'm so afraid for Emma right now that I can barely function. Every time I look at her I see Trish, and everything comes back to me. Every treatment, every relapse," Steph paused and took a deep breathe before admitting the one thing that had been eating away at her since she had met Bella and Emma at the hospital that day. "I've never told Bella about her. And I can't bring myself to now. If I told Bella about Trish she would want to know everything. And then I would have to tell my best friends, whose baby girl was just diagnosed, that the only other person I've ever know who had acute lymphocytic leukaemia died."

I just nodded in response. I knew how Steph felt. I'd never told Edward about Trish before, and now I didn't know how I was going to either. How could I tell my fiancée, who just found out that he has a child that he has never known, and that that child has acute lymphocytic leukaemia, that the only person I've known who had ALL died?

How could I tell Edward that my twin sister died of the same disease he just found out his daughter has?

* * *

BELLA'S POV

I'd just put Emma down for a sleep when I heard the doorbell ring. I sighed. Emma hadn't had regular afternoon sleeps since she was two. Now she just seemed so tired all the time.

I put a tired smile on my face, the only type of smile I could manage, and opened the door. I paused once I saw who it was standing on the other side.

"Hi," I said, surprised to come face to face with the girl who had been my best friend for years.

"Can I come in?" asked Alice tentatively.

I nodded my consent and stepped to the side, allowing Alice room to walk through the door. I wondered briefly why Alice was here, we'd spoken only hours before, and had agreed to meet on Wednesday. Pushing the thought out of my mind I turned my attention back to Alice. I was sure she would tell me soon enough.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" I asked after a moment of silence.

Alice looked at me for a second before answering.

"Yes, please."

"I'll get it," I replied, grateful for something to do with my hands. "Make yourself comfortable," I offered, sweeping my hand in the direction of the living room.

Alice nodded and headed to the couches as I turned back to the kitchen to make the coffee. Once I had two steaming cups of coffee in my hands, I headed back into the living room.

"Here you are," I said as I gently placed a cup on the coffee table in front of Alice.

"Thanks," replied Alice quietly.

I sat on the couch opposite her and took a sip from my own coffee, all the while watching the girl I had been so close with over the rim of the cup.

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm here," started Alice, looking up from her coffee mug.

I shrugged my shoulders. I was wondering, but to be honest I didn't mind. I was glad to see Alice, I'd missed her so much over the past five years. Her letters had helped, but they were nothing like the real thing.

"I managed to drive both my brother and his fiancée out of their own house," she admitted in a defeated tone, her eyes trained on her coffee cup again.

Suddenly she looked up at me, as though realising something, with a look both sympathetic and worried marring her features.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't. I mean, did you. I shouldn't have…"

I realised what it was that had Alice looking so remorseful, and sent her a small smile.

"I knew her was engaged Alice," I replied, hoping it would put my friend out of her misery.

"Oh," replied Alice, with a breathe of relief. "Oh, good. I would have hated to have accidently told you like that."

I nodded, taking another drink of my coffee. I didn't know how I should respond to that, so I decided just not to.

I was glad Emma was asleep, one of the main reasons I had wanted to meet Alice out of the house was so that Emma wouldn't be around. It wasn't that I wanted to keep Alice from her niece, I just hadn't found a way to tell Emma about everything yet.

"I missed you," admitted Alice softly.

I swallowed as I tried to stop the moisture that was gathering in my eyes.

"I missed you too," I admitted softly, as I felt a lone tear slip down the side of my face.

**

* * *

**

I checked in on Emma again after Alice left. She was still sleeping soundly. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I though of how innocent she looked, how healthy she looked.

Alice had stayed for a little over an hour, and we had talked. It had been good to see her again, and I was glad she had come around. But it was different now. It wasn't as though I expected everything to be exactly the same as when I'd left Forks all those years ago. But I'd found I could talk to Alice the way I'd once been able to.

I was closer to Steph now. Steph had taken the place in my life that Alice had once occupied. There were things now that I found myself not wanting, or not being able to tell Alice. We'd shared everything once.

Hearing the door bell sound again, I wondered who it could be this time. A slight frown on my face, I made my way to the front door, a feeling of slight trepidation washing over me.

I opened the door and saw Steph standing in the hall way. I smiled a smile of relief at the sight of my best friend. I beckoned her in, and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on again, knowing that she would follow me in.

"Coffee?" I asked, though already knowing the answer.

"Sure," nodded Steph.

I made my way methodically around the kitchen, and then handed Steph her coffee as I picked up mine, before following Steph back into the living room.

"How are you?" asked Steph kindly.

I shrugged, nonchalant.

"Alice was just here," I admitted.

I frowned slightly as I thought I saw Steph subtlety stiffen. Brushing it aside, I tilted my head slightly and examined the one person who had been a constant in my life, and my daughter's life over the past five years.

"I need to tell you something Bells," admitted Steph after a moment.

I sat very still, almost afraid to move. I watched as Steph took a deep breath.

"This past week has been one of the hardest weeks I've faced in a long time," she continued.

"I know," I said gently. "Emma's like a niece to you. I'm glad she has someone in her life that cares so much."

"It's more than that," confessed Steph, finally lifting her head to meet my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly afraid of the answer. Steph was the one person I truly counted on in my life. I couldn't lose her now, not with everything that was going on.

"When I was younger, I had two best friends. They were twins, and our families were old friends. One of the twins, Patricia," Steph tapered off, a lump forming in her throat and prohibiting further speech.

I stayed silent, not being able to bring myself to say anything, wanting only to know what it was that Steph was about to tell me. She swallowed and took a deep breath before continuing.

"Trish was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukaemia when we were seven."

I heard someone take a sharp breathe, before realising that it had been me. I could feel my hand gripping the edge of the couch I was sitting on. I was starting to get the feeling that I didn't want to hear the end of this story.

"The hospital, everything with Emma. It's bringing back everything that happened, all the treatments, remission, then the relapses. And it scares me," admitted Steph, bringing her hands up to rub her eyes. She felt tears on her cheeks that she hadn't realised had escaped from her eyes.

"What happened," I asked in a quiet voice that sounded nothing like my own. I was scared of the answer that I was going to get, but I needed to know. I needed to hear it out loud.

"When we were fifteen," answered Steph after a minute of silence. She stopped mid sentence, as though she couldn't bring herself to continue. She didn't need to though, I knew what she meant by it.

I let out an involuntary sob and dropped my face into my hands. I could feel Steph getting up from where she was sitting on the couch and heading over to me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and made soothing noises. Leaning my head against my best friends shoulder, I let the floodgate of tears I had been holding back open.

I knew now why Steph spoke so little of her past. Whenever I asked a question, or a conversation started to steer towards childhood, Steph would clam up and a glazed look would come over her face for a moment, as though she was a million miles away.

"It'll be okay," soothed Steph, rubbing a hand against my back as I sobbed. "We'll figure it out."

I pulled myself back from her arms and wiped away my tears, sniffing as I did so. I took a deep breath and looked Steph in the eye.

"I need to go to Forks," I found myself admitting out loud.

Steph simply nodded in response, as if she had been expecting those words to come out of my mouth all along.

* * *

**A/N: My sincere apologies as to the length of time it took me to get this chapter out. I did want it to be longer than this since I made everyone wait so long, but I couldn't fit it in with the story, and it felt like I was just trying to fill space.**

**The reason this chapter took so long was because I had a bit of an issue decided exactly where I needed the story to go, and how I was going to end it. I didn't want to just keep writing 'filler' chapters while I figured this out, so instead I just waited. I have a fairly good idea of the next couple of chapters at least, so I'm hoping to get those out at fortnightly intervals.**

**As always, anyone who REVIEWS! will get a sneak peek of the next chapter - which will involve Bella and Emma going to Forks to see Charlie, where they will possibly run into some of the other residents of the town...**

****To those who left a review to the author's note I've now deleted - the system won't let you review this chapter. It will tell you that you've already reviewed because technically you have already reviewed Chapter 21 - I'm just replacing it instead of adding this chapter on after the author's note because I hate reading stories that have author's notes as chapters in the middle of them. ANYWAY... if you guys want a sneak peek just PM me and I'll send you one that way!**

**Okay - so thanks everyone for reading, sorry again about my abrupt and prolonged hiatus!! And please... REVIEW!! Let me know if you like where the story is headed now, or if you have any ideas :)**

**Avery xoxo**


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